Response to Michael: Huckabee's Double Standards

Michael's Comments:

Michael Hopwood, CMI's Comment:

"That is a very strong argument against this candidate. I found it to be an interesting read yet I do feel the need to ask a question or two. Which, in your opinion, of the candidates currently running do you feel would stand up for the rights of the homosexual community and by that I mean not just announce they agree, but actually fight for those rights that every other American currently has? And I guess my second question is, are any of them actually honest in the speeches they make concerning those freedoms which are lacking for the gay community? I personally am not politically minded but am a registered voter and vote, however, my personal views don't always agree with that of the average gay man and therefore I sometimes get "beat down" for my beliefs. I further feel that since "Heterosexual Americans" feel so threatened by their sacred "marriages" that the term marriage should be removed and a term such as "Commitment", "Domestic Partner" should replace the word thus eliminating the threat heterosexual people seem to associate with two people making a choice to be together and share their lives as one.

Just my opinion. Have a great day. I love reading your blogs BTW.

Michael"

7th of January 2008

Hello Michael,

Thank you for reading my blogs and thank you for your compliments.

You raise some interesting questions that I will answer to the best of my abilities. As always, these are my thoughts and my feelings on the subject of Mike Huckabee. As you can tell, I do not like the man or his overt homophobia that he feels justified in displaying as a badge of honor based on his "Good Christian Values".

My dislike for Mr. Huckabee comes from the fact that we know that all politicians lie and make promises they have no intentions of ever fulfilling. They disguise their own biases as to show only what they feel needs to be disseminated in order to get them elected. After they win the elections do you start to see the substance or lack there of within the person you placed such faith within. If he is so comfortable to speak openly about his hate with such loathing for homosexuals, it scares me what lurks behind the curtain.

Huckabee reminds me with great parallels that Hitler was an extremely charismatic man who spoke openly to an undercurrent of hate that many of the German people recognized within them, but knew could not be acted upon as a civilized society until such a leader substantiated their rights to hate. Once Hitler came into power he was given free rein to espouse the loathing venom that ran within him because his rise to power was built on it. Likewise if Mike Huckabee feels justified in his hate and loathing for homosexuals before being elected to office, what could we expect as a community if he were ever elected President of the United States?

As to your questions; I don't know who best stands up for the homosexual community and I am currently trying to ascertain that information. I sent to seven of the candidates today seven questions to help me make an informed decision based on a variety of issues. My questions went to Republicans and Democrats and covered a range of topics that I find to be important to most Americans. I realize that getting one person to stand up during an election and tell the truth, that all gay men and lesbian women are granted the exact same rights given to every heterosexual man and woman via our United States Constitution would be improbable, but I do dare to dream. I don't expect to choose one candidate based on gay rights issues alone, but obviously it will be a factor in my decision.

I agree that our political process leaves a great deal to be desired in its current state. Partisan politics has divided Washington leaving our process grid locked and broken with the people suffering are you and me. Politicians run polls to tell them everything before they ever make a decision or they base the few decisions they do make on partisanship instead of what is right for their constituents. They are worst than actors on the big screen because we pay actors to entertain us and their lies are inherent to the job they must do convincing us they are the part they play. When an actor does a good job lying to us, we don't consider them dishonest – just good actors. However, when the people we elected to represent our interest are caught acting more like actors then the honorable people we expected them to me, we do reference that as deceit.

We need to push our current elected officials in to changing the way Washington works. We need both sides of our Legislative process to work together for the common good – We The People. We the populace of America needs to send a strong message starting with this Presidential election that partisan politics will get you fired and that we want elected officials who can once again rest on their laurels. Honor and integrity need to be words with sincere meanings and special interest, PAC money and lobbying efforts by Corporate America needs to be removed from the political process. We must make the political process works for us again. We are the reason our Government is in Washington. If Washington won't clean itself up, then it is incumbent upon us to force them too. If our elected officials think it is justifiable to spread hate for any one group of people, it is our job to tell them emphatically "NO". The world is changing and the United States has slipped from being one of the mightiest leaders. We need leadership that will maneuver the United States of America towards reclaiming our glory once again. That starts with you and me getting involved as you said and voting. I don't care how you vote or who you vote for, but make your voice be heard.

Change starts with each of us and I am ready to see great change to bring America back to where we once stood – Proud – Strong & Free! We can do all of that and do so by Loving, Honoring & Respecting everyone…it just takes you and me to get started. Be the voice of change by getting involved.

Thank you Michael and I hope I answered your questions.

Your Humble Servant – Todd M. Dobson

Huckabee's Double Standards

6th of January 2008

Huckabee’s Double Standards

If you visit the Mike Huckabee Presidential web site (www.mikehuckabee.com), you see in the upper right corner the tag line “FAITH.FAMILY.FREEDOM”. In multiple speeches given in New Hampshire, Huckabee made references to our founding fathers and the notions of liberty and freedoms.

Huckabee needs to focus more on the issues that need solutions rather than bringing up the legacy set forth by our founding fathers. While I’m sure none of our founding fathers had to worry about homosexuality as an issue, however, I feel strongly that they would have dealt with it in far more positive manner than Mike Huckabee. As for Huckabee claiming that he stands for Freedom and Liberty, it goes to shows the extent a politician will lie in order to say the right buzz words.

Words have meanings that need to be utilized as they were intended for use. As I look in my trusty Webster Dictionary; the word liberty is defined as: “freedom from external or foreign rule; independence”. Mr. Huckabee, please explain to me how you saying that homosexuals are abhorrent expresses your view of gays and lesbians liberties. How when you take the oath of office to represent all United States citizens will you protect my liberties and freedoms as you swear on a Bible to do so? Please explain the dichotomy between what you are saying about homosexuals and what you mean when you express the rights to liberty that all Americans are granted by the Bill of Rights and the Constitution of the United States? Either you are lying to the citizens when you say you are a candidate who supports the rights of the people, or are you lying when a book your wrote as well as speeches you’ve given place homosexuals to the status of second class citizens. Who else is less than you in that quest for liberty? What other group won’t measure up and will feel your wrath if you were to achieve the office you seek?

Our second word that Huckabee seems to have forgotten its meaning is freedom: exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc. How am I free with you running this country? How do I stand a chance to live a life with the same freedoms that my neighbors, my family members or any heterosexual counterparts receive instantly in your eyes? How are my needs being met when you state openly that I am in the same company as pedophilia, sadomasochism and necrophilia? How do I feel the force of freedom when you tell GQ “that “civilization” may not survive if “what marriage and family means” is “rewritten” to allow gay marriage”? Please explain your definition of the word Freedom and what it means to you so that I and the rest of the United States knows what you mean, because right now I have an absolute sense that under your administration I have no freedoms as a gay man.

Huckabee states that he is a Religious man, yet that is a very ambiguous argument. So how would Huckabee answer the question “What would Jesus do if he stood in front of me? Would he deny my rights, my liberties and my freedoms? Does Huckabee touting his Religious background say that he himself is GOD and gets to choose my role in society? I am eager to know how Huckabee explains that Jesus said on several occasions how religion and politics should be separated and during his time fervently refrained from making political statements. If we must remember that it was the theological leaders who pushed for the death of Jesus Christ. Where would Huckabee have stood during the time Jesus Christ was crucified, because based on his positions and his need to be in the middle of the majority, he would have been right there in the midst with the other religious leaders asking for Jesus to die!

We need a President that will unite all of the many people who claim this great nation as home. We desperately need a leader who will take up the difficult stance of telling groups that wish to deny others their rights why they can’t do that instead of a leader that gives in to popular demands. We need a leader who if they were back in the day of Christ, would have stood up to all the other religious leaders making them realize how they benefited by Jesus walking the earth.

Mike Huckabee is not the man we need leading us. He doesn’t have the character it requires to do what is right; he wants to get by with doing what is easy. Huckabee needs to step aside and let one of the other candidates take center stage and he needs to be relegated back to his Baptist Church in Arkansas right next to the Farwell family and their Baptist Church.

Your Humble Servant – Todd M. Dobson

Leaving it all behind...

28th of December 2007

Leaving it all behind…

It occurred to me that for forty years I've been carrying around problems that have accumulated from day one in this life. If you've read any of my previous blogs, you know that living a charmed life was never for me. However this life has begun, I can unequivocally say; that I am fine with the path my life has taken and can't wait to see the direction it takes.

We are the sum of our steps in this life. We are today, where we've come from in our past. The nights I laid crying, the pain of physical abuse and the horrors of mental cruelty were just experiences that have prepared me for who I am today. There were good times interspersed throughout the horrible days and nights. Those good times with family also molded the man I've become. We come in to this world knowing how to love and for those of us who don't find our families the most loving or caring people to guide us in the process of growing up; we may find it arduous in letting go of the twinge. The bad and the good in our lives is the mix that creates us.

I type these words with the most open heart I've had in years or possibly in for ever. I believe them with every fiber of my being and I know exactly what I'm asking people to do. I have a father that denounces my existence because I'm not what he wanted for a son, but also because is current wife doesn't like a homosexual in the family. My mother barely speaks with me because she is caught between the different factions of our family. Those others have their own reasons for not wanting me to tell my stories, state what I know or express my feelings to the outward world. My older sister and her daughter can't forgive, forget or consider that I might actually be an honorable man. My younger sister is the one that is the most ambivalent about our relationship, but I restrain from a close relationship between us because of the actions along with the disinformation that was used the last time I opened my home and my heart to them. These family members, who I love, found my blogs several months ago. In locating what I've tried to tell them about for over a year, they also found that I have a book being published, which has once again placed me far outside the loving circle of my family.

I still espouse that letting go of my past and of the negative family emotions make me a happier, more peaceful person. It is easy to wallow in the past. It is not uncommon to blame the failures of today on the struggles and abuses from yesterday. What does it buy you other than a one-time pass for the problem you currently face and when does that pass expire? When do we mature and take responsibility for our own lives and halt the blame we tag those who negatively affected our lives?

These are difficult questions to answer and some people go their entire lives without finding suitable responses. They are extremely risky because the answers can be as simple as removing those who refuse to accentuate the positives in your life. In many cases that means eliminating family from having such an influence over us!

Removing the negatives in order to accentuate the positives is far more difficult than one might think, especially when that directly means going without the acceptance from the ones you naturally turn to first. My father wants nothing to do with me. Not really a negative, but when he tears me apart at every turn, slanders and assassinates my character, this defines the negative. It means that I decided to forgo my father being a part of my life in hopes that finding peace in my soul and love in my heart would fill the void left by his absence.

I don't advocate shutting out all of your family members without spending a great deal of time trying to resolve all concerns and work through your past with parents and siblings to create a positive environment. Only when all attempts to create this type of equilibrium fail consecutively, do I advocate cutting ties to focus on improving your life. Take these steps to create a whole person within yourself. In doing so, let go of the past. Let go of the feelings of hate and pain. Let go of everything that is not positive or good within your heart. Forgive those who inflicted the torturous moments that haunt you. By letting go, you heal yourself and create someone stronger in place of the person you know today. Be the person you want to be and lose the chains keeping you back in those moments of anguish. You have your own freedom to gain and to lose all that holds you from being the full person you are meant to be.


Before you can Love, Honor & Respect anyone else

You must first Love, Honor & Respect yourself!


Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

The Meaning of Christmas

14th of December 2007

The Meaning of Christmas

The true meaning of Christmas should always bring a smile to your face and peace in your heart. During the holidays, a grin is used by people who normally scowl, a gift is left by those who normally expect to receive, the smell of snow, the feel of a roaring fire, the taste of roasting nuts and the smell of winter green from the trees filling the air like a blanket draping over a cold body on a frosty night. Your ears hear the sounds of music from carolers at every turn and your senses feel the harmony in the air that draws closer this one time a year. To walk the streets with snow falling, the store front windows decorated and lights with tensile glowing all around will help set the mood for a truly magical time.

Anything that brings peace to three quarters of the world, even if only for one day, is worthy of everyone who lives every where taking part of its majesty.

CHRISTMAS = WORLD PEACE

Christmas may be a Christian holiday, but when peace is abounding the world around, the holiday should be celebrated weather you are a Christian or not.

I celebrate Christmas in a very special way; by paying homage to my Great Grandpa Lalka in repeating his acts of kindness. Helping those who need a guiding hand while simultaneously keeping my great grandpa’s legacy a live is giving me new meaning every year I am able to place a smile on the face of the children who might otherwise go without a blessing on this day.

Great Grandpa Lalka (Paul Lalka), his family (sons, daughters, brothers and sisters) lived in the Washington (Tacoma) Valley after moving from Czechoslovakia. My great grandpa had a coal business and his brothers owned various stores like a shoe cobbler, a furniture maker and each had his own farm. Because of their businesses, they knew the families in the region who needed a little extra help. In the old country, the family trade was carving and all of the Lalka men whittled. They would fashion toys year round and put together baskets of food to accompany the toys for the family. These baskets were left at the homes on Christmas Eve for the children to find come Christmas day, hence continuing the legend of Santa Clause.

The Lalka family persisted to give year after year eventually garnering attention to their kindness that was happening throughout the Washington Valley. As word spread of their good deeds, my great grandpa took on a new persona for himself and in his duplicitous nature; he felt he needed a new suite that better match his role. He and his brothers created an authentic Santa Suite.

They used crush red velvet for the jacket, pants and the hat. My great grandpa trapped rabbits and used the white fur to line the lapel of the jacket, the cuffs of the sleeves and the brim of the hat. One brother created a very wide belt and another made a huge brass buckle and hand carved buttons for the jacket. My great grandpa didn’t need any padding; he had just enough of his own. He had thinning snow white hair with a long naturally flowing beard.

The family lineage dates back to the fourteenth century and was not our original surname. The last name Lalka was given to the family by a princess as an ancestor walked in to a small village during her visit. As he waited to meet the Princess, she was taken by his alabaster skin, rosy red cheeks, beautiful eyes and striking good looks. She called him lalka meaning doll because she thought he was as beautiful as a doll. The name was taken by the family to honor the princess. This being said, great grandpa Lalka had alabaster skin with rosy red cheeks and a crimson nose. He was the epitome of Santa Clause with the suite that portrayed the jolly man within.

My great grandpa was offered money by every major department store on the North West coast, but he reserved his gifts for those who truly needed them and pandering money to perform acts of kindness was not his motivation. I was honored to have found his legacy and more so to feel the desire to continue keeping it alive. When Great Grandpa passed away, he was given tribute by every major news paper up and down the North West coast with many reserving front page headlines such as the one in the Seattle Tribune, “Santa Clause has Died”!

No one could know that this simple man born in to the meager means of a Czechoslovakian family would have such a positive impact on so many lives. He was a real man who made many mistakes, but giving true love to those who needed was not one of his misgivings. Striving to be just a little more like my Great Grandpa on a daily basis is what Christmas means to me.

While I know it is a Christian holiday, it has pagan roots, but more importantly, when any one day can bring three-quarters of the world together in harmony and with peace, it deserves to be shared and enjoyed by all. I don’t care if it is referred too via any other name, but enjoy the day – share in the enlightenment of the moment and give freely to those who don’t share your gifts.

More importantly, for those parents who wish to teach their children of the true meaning of Christmas...ask your child to give just one toy of their choosing to a child in need. Show them by example with donations to charities who help the less fortunate or something as simple as donating your time to feed the homeless. Children learn when we aren’t teaching. They learn more by our examples then anything lesson we choose to teach. Lessons on compassion and what it truly means to give will do so much in the way of extending the legacy of Santa Clause or someone more down to earth like Paul Lalka.

Christmas is meant to be shared and enjoyed by all and to me that is giving to someone who might otherwise go without. Spread the Christmas Joy and spread this message to all you know and love.

May each and every one reading this be over-come with Love and Peace for the holidays, and each and every day you believe in my message. Thank you for sharing in my meaning of Christmas and may it give you some meaning within your life too.

~~ Warmest wishes for everyone on this day and every day to come~~

Todd M. Dobson

Part II: Interesting Events Happened Today

5^th of November 2007,

Part II: Interesting Events Happened Today

I can’t believe how much the events of yesterday have bothered me. I had a busy day in the office; yet my mind was pre-occupied with the details of yesterday. It has been like a nagging fly that won’t leave me alone and even though I forced myself to focus on my work and the projects underway, this has been in the back of my head and worrisome. I was so packed with apprehension that would not alleviate that it was changing from light apprehension to extreme alarm with why this continued to bother me. When out of sheer exasperation, I finally cleared my mind it actually came to me as to why this has been such an over-burdening issue.

The construct of it is when the Sheppard boy cried wolf; that is what happened yesterday. I reacted out of instinct when the lady screamed and I witnessed the man running away with her purse. My response is not common; in fact, I was the only one who took off after him. Not one other person took those steps and that can have more to do with the facts that countless times the Good Samaritan becomes the victim today. I know it has stopped me from stopping to help someone that is on the side of the road at night. I instinctively did what was right to do under the circumstances, but my conscience won’t let it go because she was not in danger nor did she loose anything that belonged to her. The perception that called on me to respond not knowing if the man had a knife or a gun or if by tackling him would land me in a lawsuit because he might have been harmed at my reaction. None of these were thoughts as I responded to what we have been conditioned as a cry for help and in some small way, the need for protection. As it turned out, the woman in this matter was just acting and was in no danger at all. Because there was no danger, the risk I took had there not been a van for our villain to dive in to was far greater because had I actually tackled him, I would have been violating his rights as he never would have violated hers. The dilemma sharpened because while most people were not aware of what was going to happen, they were aware that something was to occur and they were to just watch and observe taking as many mental notes as possible. My only criticism is that doesn’t that remove the element of surprise and diminishes the entire focus for the show itself.

Once I acknowledged the preoccupation of my senses with the experience at the cafe, I felt better about the circumstances. I can’t change the events and I can’t prevent a company from researching human behavior, but I can take ownership of me. I can only hope the next situation I am faced with that calls for swiftness my hesitation is not what cost someone dearly and that was the honest cost of yesterday’s research and quest for ratings.

The next time a company wants to research the collective capabilities of the human mind, I suggest they use any other form for stimuli as apposed to placing someone within harms way for the sole fact to garner ratings for television…human life is worth so much more than ratings.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Interesting Events Happened Today

Iteresting Events Happened Today

4^th of November 2007

Interesting Events Happened Today

As if my weekend hasn't been one of the most interesting that I've had in the past seven years, I am perplexed with the events of today and why I feel so odd about them.

Today was such a beautiful day with temperatures in the mid seventies (Fahrenheit, about seventeen to eighteen degrees Celsius) with a clean sunny clear blue sky and a light breeze keeping just that chill in the air to remind us that winter finally is arriving. I was awaken by my puppy around 8:30 AM as usual for every Sunday morning and I got up rejoicing in the silence by completing a blog about the horrible Phelps family and the Westboro Baptist Church. I look up from my computer screens to see I am already late to meet some friend's downtown to watch a double header softball game where one friend is playing and several others are rooted the team on.

I got to the field very late, but watched the remainder of the game and dispensing my farewells to my friends as I walked around the sparsely populated park. The day was such a beautiful day and the walk was relaxing as my mind wondered over the news that a publishing house wants to publish my book. It was so peaceful as I was refusing to make my way back home for fear that reality might step back in to my life and change the past few days events, so I continued walking the park taking in the sculpted bodies of the running men by thinking what a glorious weekend this has been.

I sat in the park relaxing and having a wonderful time when a friend – David walked up and greeted me with a smile. We walked around the park and changed our direction towards the book store to meet his friend Dwayne and they were going to get a byte to eat. I tagged along, not really hungry, but not wanting to leave their good company, so we walked down to two café's just on the edge of the park so that we could enjoy a panini sandwich.

I flirted with the waiter who sat us outside in the glorious sun inside a fenced-in outdoor seating area. There was no rush to the day or to our order as everyone was enjoying themselves and the people flowing in and out of the two outdoor sitting areas were all chatting with friends and family. If you haven't already realized from my many blogs, I notice absolutely everything and especially every good looking guy. As we were finishing our food chatting about many things and yet nothing important at all, I watched as a very handsome man casually walked up towards the fenced in area, but staying on the other side.

I was sitting back in my chair as I noticed him as he appeared to be waiting for someone with his stunning features almost like a Nordic to German type man pacing about. He stood around 5'9" to maybe 5'10" tall with a slender build; maybe 145 to 155 pounds. He wore dark jean with a light top and a ski-type hat on his head. He had longer hair that was sandy-blond with sun high-lights on the ends of his hair that stuck outside his hat around the bottom-back side and just above his eyes. His eyes were medium sunken in and were a color more like blue to a lighter color, but I couldn't really see them clearly enough as he continued pacing and moving about. He was positioned in the area a good five minutes and as I watched him I noticed just how agitated he seemed, but it was a controlled restlessness.

We were talking and instantly I hear the lady closest to the fence scream as peripherally I see the pacing guy take off running with a dark colored purse within his grasp. It seemed to happen slowly at this point because I had my knife between my fingers and I dropped it slid my chair back and spun around the corner to my right, side-stepping the dog that laid at the entrance of the fenced-in area and I started running at great hast to stop the purse snatcher. There was a large van parked in the very end spot that blocked my vision as I turned that corner, but as I sprinted to the end of the parking lot I was scanning across the street and up the street for my handsome thief when I see an Atlanta Police officer walking towards me from up the street by a few paces. As the officer approached me I started to break my stride because I couldn't find the purse snatcher when I heard the man tell me "it's OK…don't worry…this was all staged". I turned in an instant more out of instinct still looking for my adorable thief when I see him inside the van laughing as another Atlanta Police officer closes the door to the van.

What was just told to me starts to sink in as the other officer is chuckling a little and it suddenly hits me what a fool I've been. I walk back to my friends as I see a camera man and several people walking amongst the guest inside the eating areas asking people if they witnessed anything and asking for details of what they witnessed. My feeling was one that perplexed me as much as anything I've experienced lately and I don't understand why I feel so bad about what these circumstances. I didn't enter inside the fenced-in area or sit back down at my table, I just stood several feet away outside the fence watching a lady walk directly out of the doors of the café and over to the table where I had been sitting. I heard her ask David and Dwayne if they witnessed anything and ask them to complete an agreement allowing them to be interviewed. She was searching for me as I took another step back away from them to remove myself from her focus. She is looking for me when she turns around and directly engages me asking me to sign a release form and I calmly decline. She insist and I tell her that it would not behoove me to either be interviewed or cause them any trouble, but that I will not participate in this charade any further.

The lady gave me a very quizzical look and seemed to be offended by my comments to her when she abruptly turned and continued interviewing David and Dwayne. I took two steps backwards towards a tree as the police officer who told me it was OK was standing a few steps away from me. He ask quietly as he stepped towards me if I was an off-duty officer or militarily trained and I never even looked at him as I responded No, just a concerned citizen as I continued to watch my friends having their pictures taken and more questions asked of them. The officer paused for a moment when he said, the guy didn't stand a chance against me and I looked at him as he tilted his head to me and walked away.

I felt proud if only for an instant, but curiously enough the feeling faded quickly as again I felt almost betrayed for some reason and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I understand all too clearly what the interviewers were after because I've written about it both in the preface to my book and in two blogs. They want to recode who witnessed what and show how everybody will have a completely different recollection to the events that transpired. As I've written in the past, it has to do with us being humans and each one of us being different. We have different life forces and different events that shaped who we are. Because of our experiences and our past, we collect facts differently than the person next to us. Complicating matters even more, we use different parts of our brains and that comes back to who has what talents. Some of us use our left brain while others use our right brains. No matter, it makes for a difference in how we store current events and how we recall those same set of events.

I appreciate what they're doing; however, it still has not made me feel better about the events as they happened. I can't explain why I felt so let down because I don't really understand it myself. I had hoped my feelings would pass because neither they nor I did anything to warrant shame. So why do I feel as I do? Why can't I just let it pass for what it was a testament to our humanity and that which makes us different. I understand it completely and yet, I still feel somehow I was duped in some way.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

The Most Amazing News for ME!!!

3^rd of November 2007

Hello My Readers,

Many of you read my blogs and have commented directly on this site and other sites about the experiences of my life that I've written about. The support you provided me has spurred me to press forward with something that was once laughable and then turned in to a possible dream.

As many of you know seven years ago I left Montreal and left the love of my life...my soul mate. Ian aloud our relationship to wither and die for some inexplicable reason while I was helpless to save its ravaged form. It takes two to share love but only one for a relationship to survive and Ian gave up on himself and on us. I struggled for more than eighteen months feeling each and every day like I was submerged beneath the surface of water drowning. Unable to catch my breath and with no way to salvage our relationship I continued descending to the murky depths or darkness and depression.

It took me four years to overcome the thoughts of Ian or wish him next to me and one of the ways I accomplished that amazing feet on my own was to start writing about him. I wrote about my anger and the eighty-six thousand dollars he owes me. I wrote about how I missed touching is beautiful skin and sculpted features. I was tortured by his lingering French accent and the eyes that once made me feel safe, warm and loved. I wrote of how we met and how for the first time in my life I understood how amazing love should always be. I also wrote in great details with the descriptions of a blind painter how we met, how we fell in love and how we ignited passion with fires of lust and the most amazing sex two people could ever share.

I wrote all of my feelings in to this manuscript without any order or conscience decision to organize my thoughts. Without ever thinking of what I was doing, I wrote this wondrous manuscript that many friends have read and prompted me to publish. You must understand that it was writing this book and the first women who read this book and pressed me to publish it. Dale's voice in my head gave birth to me thinking that my writing may be helpful to some people and was the precipitous to my blogging. I never was able to write before this experience. My book (Love, Honor & Respect) is really good and extremely descriptive and brings you into our world as if you are walking with us each step of the way. I still can't read it without correcting this or that. I can't open those pages without getting excited when I read of our first sexual encounters or cry every page when he rips my heart out with dishonesty and the loss of such great love.

I received a phone call yesterday with the most amazing news that I have wanted so dearly for so long; my manuscript is being published. My dreams of publishing that book that holds so many personal details about my life, my love and the darkest moments of my life is going to be for sale in a matter of months. I am elated beyond all belief. I know one thing that I want to do and that is to Thank You. Thank each and every one of you for your support of my writing and to thank you for telling me how my experiences have helped you. I love that I hear from so many people how the events from my life can help any one person. The love that so many of you have shown has pushed me to want to publish this book. I am dearly grateful and I hope that once my first book is published that each of you enjoy the parts of my life within its pages.

Deeply grateful,

Todd M. Dobson

Response to Jupiter King's Blog: What the Word of God Says about Homosexuality

29^th October 2007

Response to Jupiter King’s Blog:

What the Word of God Says About Homosexuality

I read Mr. Jupiter’s blog and respectfully responded to him. My comments were shown on his blog, but he later removed my comments. I can only surmise why but he replaced my words with two comments of his own that were both written in great hast and as you read them with anger. Please read Mr. Jupiter’s Blog and both of my comments to him are as follows:

http://www.socyberty.com/Gay-&-Lesbians/What-the-Word-of-God-Says-About-Homosexuality.54341#comments

Hello Jupiter,

I love a good exchange between multiple intellectual minds, so I hope yours is open to understanding some thing you have not accounted for in your blog. While your opinion is not uncommon in people, most have had little exposure to the subject at hand or little research in to the matter.

I hope I am able to shed some light onto the subject matter for you. The portion of the bible you reference (Old & New Testament) details many things, yet at no time does the bible overtly oppose homosexuality. I can take you to each verse in the bible that is claimed to speak negatively about homosexuality and explain how each and every one has been taken out of context or misconstrued to reference a slanted point of view; you might want to know that many noted theologians (gay and straight) agree with my comments that the bible itself does not speak disparagingly against homosexuality. You might also find it amusing that many of the very passages you highlight in your bible as denouncing homosexuality were also used by religious leaders against blacks and against women. There is nothing uniquely talented about taking a small number of words and turning them to be used as a club against a group one wishes to suppress, fanatical Christians and Muslims have been doing it for centuries and the talent is only in finding weaker minded people who do not wish to think for themselves and decide if what they are told is accurate or not.

As for what you’re gay friends may say, I can’t answer for them; but I can ask, when did you acknowledge that you chose to be heterosexual? It is an important question because all of my friends and family that are straight say they can never recall a day or time when they actually made that as a choice. Likewise, I can’t tell you when I made my choice to be gay. I can tell you when I accepted that which made me different from everyone else, but there was never a day I chose to be gay. If it is a choice as you explain, why would I choose to be different from everyone I love and who loves me. Why would I choose to go against how I was raised? Why would I choose to defy the way society taught me was normal? Why would I choose a life that segregates me and where I don’t have even the same basic rights and privileges as all other people do? Why would I choose to be so different from all other people around me? Why if I chose to be gay would I want to remain this way if as so many straight people claim, most homosexuals are unhappy being gay?

Most unhappy gay people are that way because they are not accepted or understood by their straight counterparts. Narrow-minded people would rather spread hate because it is what everyone was lead to believe as normal, instead of honoring the diversity of humanity, instead of loving all people for who they are and not what you think I need to be, and instead of respecting our differences because they are OK. Back to your assertions that it is a choice of living a moral life or an immoral one…who is closer to GOD – the man who Loves, Honors & Respects his fellow human beings and strives to make their lives better, no matter what differences are present; or the man who holds up a holy book and claims superiority over anyone for any reason and can find words in that book to argue his point. Think about your answer, because it was Jesus who said the followers would be the last to enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Think about your response and I can be reached at Todd@fdlservices.com

Thank you for this exchange of words and I look forward to hearing from you.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Now I found my comments to be respectful while asking for some understanding in his beliefs. It is hard to change the position one has claimed their entire life is the right position, even in the face of proven facts that might show otherwise. Some people are unable to admit they themselves could be wrong and others actually hold on to that small part of them that garners piety based on suppressing someone as beneath themselves.

I am not saying that Mr. Jupiter fits any of these categories; however, I found it remarkable that Mr. Jupiter removed my comments and replaced them with those of his view point only. I have other blogs that have comments from people who challenge my stance and challenge my faith. I find them rewarding and thought provoking and I read them earnestly hoping that if I missed something in my thought process before I might learn something now. We can learn from everybody, we just have to open our minds to the process.

Please make sure to read both of Mr. Jupiter’s comments and here is my response that I posted to his blog, however Mr. Jupiter is refusing to publish it. That too might make you think, what he has to hide that he is unable to hear an apposing point of view and not receive it well. That does not mean he agrees with it, just that its presences does not challenge his own.

Hello Jupiter,

I love how when critical thought is demanded, the common mind ignites anger as its first line of defense instead of calm, rational review of apposing thoughts.

So let us talk about the Bible – New Testament and your many passages that you listed in your comment. You listed them in a secondary response only after removing my acknowledgment that they do exist, but caught my attention in a vociferate manner was that the words you typed were more out of anger and vengeance then out of understanding or acceptance. It is an assumed knowledge and not a factual one. So Mr. Jupiter you have answered my first question in my first comment, which states that I like a good exchange of minds. I am gay and I could get angry with you’re original blog, but I respect your opinion and always like people to discuss why they hold an opinion that differs from my own. I had hoped at some point in our conversations you may either teach me something I did not know and thereby sway my position to your view, or perhaps I may be able to do so with you. Based on your responses filled of spite (the words you select and the manner they are placed within the text), it tells me that a polite exchange of view points is not going to occur between us. I can accept that honorably and if you wish to carry our discussion further, please feel free to email me (todd@fdlservices.com), I will respectfully respond as I always do.

Let us discuss the New Testament as you reference it in your blog and comments. The New Testament was dedicated to the Life of Jesus Christ as witnessed by his closest Apostles. Matthew, being one of the Apostles and being closer to the Son of God than others might have been during Jesus’ life; we really can’t know because we were not there. As with every witness’s view of any set of events, that person sees, hears, touches, taste and feels different from each and every person who witnessed the same events at the same time. What I am speaking about derives from their life experiences, their set of beliefs and their perspectives on any subject that might bend those events in one direction or another. Because no two people are alike, is why no two personal views or recollections of events will ever be the same. It is precisely why a police officer asking witnesses to an accident for their recount of the events they witnessed will never be exactly the same. That is why Matthew gives us one view of each part of Christ’s events and those same events are recounted differently by the other Apostles.

So what about the many other Apostles who wrote and submitted their accounts of Jesus’ Life and their texts were denied entry in to the Bible by the Council of Nicea? What became of their accounts of this man’s life? Did they lie or fabricate what they witnessed or perhaps did a governing body pick and choose what of Jesus’ life they wanted to have listed as reference able material?

And what are we to believe of Matthew himself? This was the first voice to question the actions of Jesus based on everybody’s account. Each and every time he questioned the Load, Jesus showed him that his way was through LOVE and ACCEPTANCE, not JUDGMENT. Jesus said this and showed this in every event that was recounted and by everyone who wrote of this man’s life, so why do we start to question what the New Testament was all about?

To complicate matters even more, if Jesus Christ was against homosexuality, as you might want everyone to believe, please explain to me why he saved the life of a young slave boy of the Centurion. As recounted in Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10 Jesus healed the Centurion’s Servant boy even knowing that the Centurion first offered his life in order for Jesus to save the boy claiming the boy was his own. He then acknowledged to Christ our Load, the boy was his beloved servant and in the times that absolutely meant sexual companion. So, please explain to me why if Jesus was so against homosexuality would he save the life of a sexual servant to a high-ranking Greek Soldier?

In the New Testament as you originally reference speaks mostly of the times social disapproval and the Jewish feeling that that homosexuality was unclean. These are common beliefs that do not amount to facts, but opinions just like your own. There was nothing more and absolutely nothing less to it. I can site chapter and verse of every instance the bible says anything that has been turned (by man of today) and used to show how homosexuality is wrong: Leviticus, Romans, 1 Corinthians, 1 Timothy and some you might not know about. Each and every one of them has been discounted by theologians from around the world. These are men and women who have spent life times researching the bible, Jesus and GOD, so if they say that there is nothing in the bible that directly says homosexuality is wrong after spending their lives to know all that can be known outside of being present during the times, why can’t someone like you read the greatest book in our lives and use it for what it was meant to be; a reference guide by which to strive to live your life.

It is only a book, written by men, edited by men, translated by men and organized by men. The first thing GOD told us was that men are fallible, so why are we to assume the men who wrote the words in this great book were not, when Jesus himself said He Was A Fallible MAN?

Again I offer my words as just one argument that might be right and might be wrong. I would rather respect you for your view point and think to myself that it might be right and be able to wait until my judgment day to find out; but I have yet to judge you for your view point as you have done me for mine. Again I would ask you, who do you think is closer to GOD?

I hope my words find you happy, healthy and filled with LOVE.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Is It The Journey or the Destination

28^th of October 2007

Is It The Journey or the Destination?

If you have read any of my previous blogs, you know that I have been through many life challenges and yet my mind set has always been that I am truly blessed. Yes, I believe that I have guardian’s who watch over me and based on their guidance I am very blessed.

That may sound odd as you read about my many challenges, but it is my firm belief none the less. Over the past four weeks my mind has been in over-load and it has been difficult to turn down the background noise as it spins out of control. You see I’ve written about taking two long years to find a good job and after one year with the employer from hell, I found that job doing what I like to do with people I really enjoy working with. So, how can I have anxiety over my new job?

As I’ve written in the past, when you grow up in an abusive environment where the common words are not positive, but rather tears you apart as an individual. I said that correctly, the voice I heard daily said I wasn’t shit and would never amount to anything. I was dumb, I was stupid and I was nothing but a lazy, good for nothing piece of shit. I cold never do anything right and as long as I was not my older brother; I would never amount to anything.

I still hear those voices when ever anything starts to go in a positive direction for me, and those voices become pronounced as I step towards a positive direction. It never fails to surprise me when I first don’t understand the anxiety I feel or when the voices chatter out of control and I become agitated and bothered by their loud, uncontrollable noise filling my head. By the age of forty years old, you might think the rise in these voices might trigger a happy pleasure sensation because it should be a sign for me that I am in the midst of something really good. Unfortunately, it takes a little separation from ones self to make that conclusion and until that happens, the anxiety can run a person ragged.

The anxieties I suffer are common for adults of abused children, but they never become less difficult to deal with as time passes. Over the past four weeks, I’ve climbed deeper into my new position and I’ve grown to love the people and the job; but as I’ve excelled in my position, the voices have become uncontrollable. I started doubting myself in that very position and doubting the people who have done nothing but show their support. Second guessing the job I’m doing and their reaction to my work. Not one person has indicated anything negative with my performance and all the while I have made mistakes, none seem to cause anything close to the level of noise rampantly chattering inside my head.

It took me getting sick last week with a nasty sinus infection that caused an existing tooth infection to go overboard shutting me down for a couple of days in order for me to regain control over my anxieties. It took me thinking I was about to be fired at that same job that I love with people that have never once indicated anything but support, while in my head over the past four weeks, I’ve been seeing and hearing how I was going to be fired at any moment and for any reason. They were just waiting for the right moment was all I kept telling myself. Anxieties such as these can and often do become self fulfilling prophecies and that just feeds the fires for the next time they become uncontrollable.

As I stayed at home last night waxing philosophical and pondering life’s challenges did a life long challenge became an answer I could firmly believe in…it isn’t the destination, but rather it is the journey that makes us better people. My entire life I have always gone out of my way to become a better person. Better than my childhood indicated, and far better than anyone ever gave me credit to accomplish. I have tried with every year of my life to always remember what I had was truly a blessing and millions would kill to swap places with me. For every breath I take I feel honored that I have it to take and never ever take any of my life for granted. So it is harsh when those voices push me in the opposite direction and I allow them too because for that day, that moment I am weaker than I should be.

That is what unfolded for me this past week and how the realization that my destination, here in Atlanta Georgia is only where I need to be right now and everything is telling me that daily. That destination currently holds the right job with support by good people challenging me to grow and learn and sharpen my skills for them and for me. Over the past few years I have fought many demons and come to terms with so much to reclaim the person I once was. But what I’ve found isn’t the person I once was, it is someone who is better than I could have ever been.

That is how I found that the journey I’ve been on for the past seven years, which I once thought took a good life away and replaced it with one mistake after another. I suddenly realized how I ever created that first life to begin with: it was forged by mistake after mistake; challenge after challenge until I found what worked…that was my first journey. Now I am in the midst of a journey that has depths I could never have imagined, but I finally see the heights are outside the scope of my view and that is amazingly wonderful. Yes my mistakes have been many and very troublesome, but that is what makes the journey…not the destination as profound and meaningful. My place is right here in Atlanta Georgia and the time is right now. My journey is underway with no destination in front of me. I am controlling those voices for the second time in my life and good things are happening to me once again.

I am right here in the moment and enjoying now. I’m not wallowing in the past and I know my future is going to be OK no matter what happens. It is all about the journey we are on and it has nothing to do with the destination.

by: Todd M. Dobson

Gay Pride: What Does It Really Mean

1^st of October 2007

GAY PRIDE – What Does It Really Mean

When I first acknowledged to myself that I was a gay man, almost an eternity ago, I felt none of the gay people depicted on the news or I read about in the papers represented me as a gay man. So when friends asked if I would join in the local Gay Pride celebration, I declined for that very reason.

The only gay people I grew up knowing were two very effeminate men that lived in completely different parts of the small town I grew up in. The impression of being gay that was indelible left upon me was not what I saw for my life. I recognized the same stereotypes that everybody else saw and assumed all gay men were like; and the homophobia that was overtly present in all straight people, permeated through my thoughts as well. I witnessed other kids and their parents talking about those two gay men with their effeminate mannerisms as thought they were the scourge of the planet using words of disgust, vile and in a manner of total revulsion. The sad fact of the matter was that I agreed with them at my young age and on occasion I am saddened to say I would join in the conversations. There are many gay men and lesbian women who fault their own kind by stereotyping the very people who were the face of our community.

It was sad when the only other picture of gay life that I knew about was what the news media showed as the typical gay man in his leather costume. An over-compensating butch man exposing himself while being surrounded by his leather gear only to be over acted by the extremely nelly drag queens who dressed in women’s clothing and pranced around also exposing themselves for humanity’s sake. I thought then as many people think today - none of these homosexuals represent me. I convinced myself that I was not like any of them because I don’t want to dress in women’s clothing, or in leather gear or expose my genitals to the world just for the sake of doing it. I told myself then that there is much more to me than just being a gay man.

When you’re fourteen years old, you can’t image how the twist and turns of life will mold you as a person, much less how dramatically life can change the mind as you mature. I never considered myself homophobic, because I was a gay man and therefore gay men could not be homophobic. I also never considered who I might be hurting by repeating my horrible words that “Gay Pride did not represent who I was as a person”. I would even justify my homophobia by explaining that I was so much more than whom I had sex with. Now, if that doesn’t just sound like the sound blob written by the Christian Coalition, I don’t know how I could have been any more filled with hate.

It is horrible to believe that gay and lesbian people can themselves be homophobic to their own kind. Now, before you rip my head off, there are varying degrees of hate. You can be a little phobic, but tolerant for the most part. You can see this in heterosexual people all the time. A co-worker who knows you’re gay and responds with no big deal, lets say in a positive manner and expressing acceptance. It doesn’t seem to bother them at first, but later you get this feeling that they have purposely distanced themselves from you. This sense grows more prevalent as it continues to happen, but you’re not able to really point to any one thing that proves this nagging sensation. You let things pass knowing that they will only persist, not diminish as time continues to pass. It is like a irritation that you know exist, but can’t for the life of you place your finger on exactly what could be wrong. Over time you find more and more distance separating you and that co-worker and as more time passes you sense the issue really is a latent homophobia.

Another case in point is true of many families of gays or lesbians. The family says they accept you for who you are, however, your homosexuality is not spoken about and neither is anyone you date or love. They may accept you and discuss parts of your life, but your lover is not welcomed in their home or must sleep in a separate room. They may even go as far as accepting you and your spouse in to their home, discussing your lives; but supporting gay issues such as gay marriage…no that is out of the question. In almost all cases even the most accepting families feel it is a choice you made and while they don’t understand why you would ever make that choice, they accept that you did in their minds and that to them is acceptance. As I was telling you earlier, there are varying degrees of hate and acceptance.

These same things happen within the gay community amongst our own people. You hear it all the time by gays who say they don’t care about gay marriage and refuse to fight for equal rights. They may never want to marry another person; however, it is their own dark hearts, filled with hate that immobilizes them from a fight for equal rights. They themselves are gay, so how can they not want or see that each and every person in the United States of America should be treated exactly the same.

We have our own clashes between gay sub-groups that individually want to assert their rights to their own existence. If we don’t have enough hate emanating around us, we have it consuming us from within. Before you get angry at me for point it out and before you respond to the hate within our own kind, we must understand where this hate originates. Thousand’s of years of oppression have changed the way the world once thought. Many centuries of hate and oppression made people forget what it was to love and accept everyone as they were and without prejudice. They were taught over the years how to hate and who to hate and homosexuality has been at the top of that list for thousands of years.

Bring that down to our own lives today and we were brought into this world loving and accepting, but we learned how to hate anything or anyone gay. The news media, our family and friends did not know how to handle anything different and they were thought homosexuality was wrong. It was un-natural and un-clean. Being gay was against nature and above all it was against GOD. How any of us could ever stand a chance at being a whole person when for our entire early years we were inundated with the messages of hate. It is why coming to terms with our own sexuality can be such an arduous task for each one of us. It is also why those of our very own can show tendencies of hate against others within our own communities. Hate and acceptance are two entirely different opposing aspects and a person can accept themselves without accepting all who share their fate. It is a harsh reality, but one that is rooted within our own humanity none the less.

The pictures I paint with my words can be a harsh view to accept; but I am over run with optimism that each one of us can make a difference. That view doesn’t have to happen to us or right now. We have everything that we need to change it and it starts within ourselves and then within our own communities. We must denounce hate of all kinds. We must love and accept ourselves as individual people, but also love and accept our community for its own diversity. The gym rats, the nelly boys, the drag queens, the leather guys, the bull dikes, the lipstick lesbians and all homosexual people must open their hearts and know the road they share is with all of the people surrounding them…even if they aren’t of their own kind.

I can stand on my soap box and pontificate to all sides touting the obvious that we have so many people who hate and loath all homosexuals that it is futile not to love ourselves no matter the subcultures that divide our community. A unified group makes it more difficult for all others to segregate and concur. If we continue fighting within our own population instead of honoring our similarities; how can we ever expect the heterosexual world to ever love and accept us as a unified group?

These are the easy comments that everyone knows, but look at my 2007 pictures of Atlanta Gay Pride and see the diversity within our community (Myspace Pictures: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=95276627&albumId=1236125 ). Notice the diversity as you see men, women and children all around. There were people of all ages and all backgrounds, all nationality, all colors and it was amazing to witness. The people on the floats were scantily clothed as you normally see on the media and in the news papers. You saw the leather guys, dykes on bikes, guys in dresses, girls that looked like boys; but then, there were beautiful women who could pass as female models and sculpted men like they stepped out of the pages of GQ magazine, couples with their children and thousands that looked just like you and me. Everyone was beautiful to witness and our differences showed as brightly as the colors making the rainbow that represents our oppression. The greatest effects of PRIDE in any city are the people who come together supporting each other in front of the rest of the world. I saw so many people and talked with countless men and women of all ages from every walk of life. The thing I couldn’t get beyond was how many couples openly displaying the love they shared together without inhibition. It didn’t matter what sub-group they claimed; love was the central focus for Gay Pride in Atlanta and it was an amazing picture for all to view.

Love and support are the reasons that every gay man, woman and child need to experience Gay Pride somewhere…so you know that you are not alone in this world or within our own diverse community. The scared fourteen year old boy trying to come to terms with my own homosexuality could have used the support Gay Pride has been providing millions since the sixties and I am sorry it took me so many years to learn that message of hope.

________________________________________________________________________

As for The David Magazine (a local Atlanta Gay/Lesbian Magazine that is published weekly): and the gay individuals who write every week in the Bitch Session section of the magazine. You more than anyone need to heed my message. While you complain weekly about people from outside your individual sub-group, remember, that each person may be the next victim of a gay bashing or hate crime. You may be the next one receiving hate as it drips from the lips or the fingertips of a homophobic person expressing their loath and disgust for gay America. We can prevent hate crimes by showing the city and the world that the gay community is a unified and caring group who supports each and every member within our population. Love is stronger than hate could ever hope to be, but hate is always easy. Don’t be the person spreading hate within our community. Be brave enough to stand up for all within our populace and accept even those you were thought to hate.

by: Todd M. Dobson

Cherish what you have While you have it! Part II

5^th of April 2007

Cherish what you have While you have it!

No body ever claimed life would be easy. Sometimes you get lost in the envy of seeing those who have more and for whom life come so easily. I hope you can realize that the person you envy might be doing the same thing to you.

I learned a very hard lesson early in life, which was playing the envy game, only makes you long for that which you don’t have. Instead of loosing myself in what I didn’t receive, I took stock in what I did possess, but more importantly those things necessary to accomplish my goals. Yes, I am human and notice how other people have skills and success thrust upon them, but success is defined differently for each individual person and is almost never the same thing for you or for me.

Let me explain what I mean. I grew up in the shadow of my older brother. Barely one year older than I, and he possessed a photogenic memory with an intelligence that few would ever achieve. I had to study non stop to score a low “C” on an exam, while my brother never cracked a book or if he did it was five minutes before the test and he would always receive an “A” on the same exam. Popularity came easy for him as did any sport and so did the ladies. They would swoon in his presence and no matter what he did, he was cool. I on the other hand barely had friends, however I knew everybody. I was strategic in my decisions with how to achieve any goal. I can’t take a test to save my life and women…well, let’s just say I’m glad I’m gay, because I could never romantically approach a girl. We were polar opposites from the first day and remain as such still today.

My brother could have been a history maker, a politician, a doctor, a lawyer, a Nobel Prize winning scientist; he could have been anything he wanted to be. However, he has fought drug addiction for more than half his life, he just lost an amazing women who loved him and he is repeating the failures of our parents by slowly killing his two beautiful children.

His life is such a sharp contrast to mine. He has the greatest challenges given to him with such ease that they bare challenge at all. Before I ever took my first breath, life itself has been my greatest challenge. For a white man, I have had to fight against homophobia even within my own skin. Growing up in a small Southern town brings about a closeness that will either divide or concur the weak. In my house, I was always and remain to this day, the weak even to my own family members. Because of this and blatant hate, I left home after graduating High School at the age of seventeen years old. When I left home I had everything a person could ever need to be on their own. I worked very hard and became a department manager before I was even close to twenty years old for a grocery store chain and later as I turned twenty-one I was running an 8.4 million dollar operation for Marriott Host in Boston Massachusetts. I tried going back to school because I always wanted to work with computers, but can’t test my way out of a paper bag. Computers and networks came natural to me, so I worked my way up the ranks in the industry devoting almost twenty years to jobs that I loved. I have worked with some of the largest companies in the world and have done some truly amazing things in my career. I crawled my way out of the poverty stricken, abusive childhood recording a true success story each step of the way. Money and possessions were not how I measured my success, but I came to know the finer things in life by teaching myself about culture with style and class. It wasn’t just making six figures before I turn 35 years old, but it was everything about my rise from the ashes of despair. It was making good money, but giving back far more than anyone needed too. It was having such close friends who loved me and with whom I loved and isn’t that the true definition of family. It was finding that one thing I never thought anyone in my family would ever achieve, experiencing true unconditional love that enlightened me. I believed in myself when no one else would. It was having self confidence in who I was, but most of all it was the love I had for myself that had me struggling for so many years. I’ve climbed out of the lowest debts of the gutter and have soared to the highest peaks that most people can ever claim to have reached. I went against the odds and won when no one even dared challenging my picture of success.

However, it took less than a year to destroy it all. I was making decisions for two, when only one was present. I lost everything that meant anything too me and along the way I lost myself in the exchange. I watched it slip away with incredible speed and precision all fostered on the wings of LOVE, but the experience appears to move in slow motion. I collapsed to points far lower than I ever started from and every attempt to claw my way out failed miserably. For more than seven years my life, my world and my dignity have all been meticulously stripped away. The shell that appears before you is but a mirage that can’t seem to get out of its own way allowing what ever is left to struggle back in to existence.

People who use to listen to me professionally won’t even return my calls. I can’t find any job anywhere close to the skills I posses failure mounts on top of each attempt. I can’t even get interviews from the jobs that seem to be at everybody else’s finger tips. All those wonderful things I once purchased have evaporated away as if to taunt me as they left and where once their place was known, they were now treasured never to be seen again. I could bear to loose everything if only I could grab hold of any sliver of hope, but after seven years of searching for any job and finding nothing. I can’t even get out of my own way. There is no pride, no self worth and absolutely no love for me, finding anything resembling life would take a scientist at the current moment. My family has been a constant factor hammering the next nail in to my coffin before the previous one was completely inserted and with no support my floundering dropped me to greater depths than even I could imagine. Friends that once stood by my side have all but been chased away leaving no one to listen to my sad recollections of the once story book life that now marks disgrace and ruin.

I climbed to heights very few ever got an opportunity to reach. I have succeeded at finding points lower than anyone could imagine falling too. I have worked harder during the past seven years than I ever did in my original climb to success. I have had more setbacks than any one person could ever think imaginable and all of this seems unreal to me now. Can life be so cruel and so cold? Yes, it obviously can! One would think coming out from my background with abusive parents and fighting my way out of such a homophobic environment that I would deserve far greater than the Universe is handing me. I always felt we create our own opportunities. In the past when life handed me a bad turn, I flipped it around and made it a great step to tomorrow. So why can’t I do that today? Why can’t I turn this around now? Why is life so determined to destroy everything that has become me?

Why has life forsaken me?

Updated: The 19^th of August 2007

This was the pain I felt less than one year ago and its shadow still shows me what skepticism can really do to a life. I finally found a good company with people who believe in me. I found that within my own heart, I could even start to believe in myself again when all else had failed time and again. I am the person that made a good man of myself once before…and I am doing it better the second time around. The struggle is harder and the walls are more treacherous than I could have imaged them ever being. However, I am making my way out. I will find the heart that beats within this soul again and I promise to never forget what believing in me is like ever again.

Taking Sex out of Homosexuality

15^th of July 2007

Taking Sex out of Homosexuality

I read an excellent article under the Speak section of Southern Voice. Written by Laura Douglas-Brown called “Sex Matters” (http://sovo.com/2007/7-13/view/editorial/7192.cfm), published in the 13^th of July 2007 edition and it raises some well founded points that resonated with many of my own thoughts.

When will we as a society learn that we are all inter-connected with everybody else in this world? When will we face the facts that we must take responsibility for all that happens around us and not just for the maladjusted antics that we push on to society. We are the reason that causes action and re-action. Let me explain what I mean, because many of you are scratching your head right now thinking you have nothing to do with the bank robber, the accident that happened on the highway this morning or even with how well or bad you feel George W. Bush is doing as President of the United States. Directly or indirectly we all are responsible and the sooner we actually accept responsibility for more than just our own actions by changing what we don’t like; the sooner the world will start to spin in a more positive direction. When everyone starts to work positively and with all of our neighbors in mind, the sooner we can turn circumstances around in our own communities, our own cities and our own states. Much more important is how our understanding of this simplistic notion can change the world we live in right before our eyes.

The article that has me writing today instead of watching another mind numbing program on television as I get over yet another sinus infection where the drugs tend to leave me in a haze of dizziness has Ms. Douglas-Brown explaining how her personal experience with her own family reunion and how even among those in our family who seem to accept our homosexuality, can still put up walls for those parts of our lives they don’t like to see. They would prefer if we took the sex out of Homosexual and left it in our own bedroom and not on display for them to have to see.

Ms. Douglas-Brown brings up to the point by explaining how politicians and religious leaders have been doing this for many years and how our acceptance of their white wash of our lives is a very destructive behavior to tolerate. Her examples are the government’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policies, whereby gay men and women who serve their country in our armed forces must not act on their homosexuality. They are not aloud to speak about it or even answer honestly when asked questions by a superior officer. If “Honor” really stood for anything in our armed forces, don’t you think this policy goes against any real meaning of the word? It was a ridiculous mid point that the Clinton Administration felt was better than loosing when attempting to answer on a campaign promise he made to the gay and lesbian communities. Mr. Clinton promised to allow gay men and women who wished to serve their country by joining the armed forces the ability to do so without retribution from superiors who might question their sexuality. Next time Mr. Clinton, please loose the fight, because your compromise has given the armed forces a tool by which they have kicked more people out of their ranks under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell than they ever did before. Again I ask you to think about how we are all interconnected. If a gay man or a lesbian women find that the armed forces is their calling and they make a great warrior, however we tell them that the only way they can serve their country is that they must live a lie or don’t act on their natural tendencies for love or sex. That in order for them to do the job they are called to do they cannot live a full or satisfying life? Why would anyone want to live under such restrictive or appalling manner? Why should they deny an instinct that is so primal to them just as eating and shelter are for you to survive? Can anyone deny a natural instinct for very long before they want to just bust open? No, I would find it exceptionally difficult to argue that point on anyone’s behalf. So why would so many American’s want to keep so many people from living a full life. Because they don’t want to understand or even know anything about homosexuality nor do they want to accept that it is ok to be different. Because they were taught to hate all people who are different.

Ms. Douglas-Brown also brings in the taboo religious aspects of this mind set. The army that is pushing the religious agenda of acceptance of your gay sons and daughters, but they must leave the sex outside the conversation and out from in front of their eyes call themselves Christians. It is OK to love the sinner, but not the sin is how most of them frame it. Well, I have some very different opinions on what is a sin and who is the sinner. I love to hear apposing views and I am enthralled with a good debate, however the Christian right keeps changing their opinions so much that it is becoming increasingly difficult to know where they’re coming from and where they’re going. Their message keeps changing, but the core of their message “hate the sin, not the sinner” still preaches hate and oppression which the last time I read the Bible was never what Jesus, the son of God ever did. Has anyone in the Christian right ever really looked at the Bible for guidance on this issue with an open mind. I can argue point for point and verse for verse that they normally argue, but the old tired verses can’t be what spur so many to hate and oppress a growing group of human beings. Outside of a naked desire to oppress other people and to cultivate how hate is the fuel that burns within their hearts; there is no real argument that anyone can intelligently bring as a defense against homosexuality other than fear.

I hear it from my own family and it never ceases to amaze me how it stings when hate drips from the lips of the ones that are suppose to love you. How good church going people find that acceptance in summoning words of discourse and anger that are directed towards someone who is gay. Hate is hate and it hurts no matter who is spewing it and from where it comes. If hate is dripping from the lips of the devoted only to make the scent fouler, how could you ever expect any gay men or women to ever believe in Christianity ever again? As I have written before, hate is not something we come into this world knowing how to do. We are taught how to hate. We learn how to loath and speak ill of others from the very people we love the most.

Remember that it is hate that we teach our children that later encourages a teenager to steel. It is hate that teaches them to pick up a gun and kill an innocent person or lords forbid a school full of them. It is hate that left an innocent Matthew Sheppard tied to a fence, broken and rip from the world he was so hopeful about. When the crime happens closer to home, you must remember that it is all of us that teach others how to hate. We have ample opportunities to correct that venom that boils in the hearts of the unloved. It is up to all of us to turn the cheek and tell the world that we must stand against oppression of any kind. We must feed the hungry and we must love the forgotten.

When we come together based on what we have in common instead of segregating ourselves based on our differences; that is when we will start making a difference in the world around us. When we use the book we call our bibles as a shield and a sword to protect the man standing next to us espousing the message that makes our own blood boil; then and only then will we truly live a life exemplifying that of Jesus Christ. When we can truly see our neighbors for all that is most like ourselves instead of how they are different from us; then we can truly call ourselves free. I can imagine a day when this starts to happen, and I hope that I get to see and feel the peace in the world when it does. It can start today and you can be the first to bring it about. Wave thank you to the person who lets you over in bad traffic. Give up your seat on the bus or train to a person who can use it more than you. Say “Hello” to the person in the office that hates you and remember that spreading true love takes such little effort while hate drains the energy from us like a disease.

Only when we learn to Love, Honor and Respect all of those around us will we really be free from oppression and hate. Start today and every other day can be a brighter and more peaceful tomorrow for us all.

Todd M. Dobson

Challenges to My Mantra: Love, Honor & Respect

4^th of July 2007

Challenges to My Mantra: Love, Honor & Respect

When you truly believe in something, it is natural for someone or something to challenge that belief. Three years into distributing my mantra of Love, Honor & Respect, I have had many attempts to dispel this philosophy, but it perseveres throughout all of my struggles and my faith with these three little words has grown to mean so much more to me.

Recently I turned a corner closer to home that brought me face to face with the challenge to my credo that has shaken me to my core. It has me thinking if only for the briefest of moments that my mantra is too arduous a struggle to maintain and humanity is not worth it. However, clear heads normally do prevail and I’ve come back to espouse my credo that if you Love, Honor & Respect all of the people surrounding you; everyone will walk away happier and better by doing so.

New neighbors moved next door to me approximately ten weeks ago and already we have been shouting at one another. The name calling went directly to vicious. Even as I prodded myself reminding me of my belief systems, I struggled in the face of truly ugly people who care little for anyone other than themselves. It was an enormous task to want to find that little area of respect that I might be able to find within my neighbors. They made their intentions abundantly clear days after moving in that they were scared of dogs and wouldn’t have two of them next door to them (no matter how nice my dogs are to anyone). They dragged their intentions across the lawn that connects our two homes and shouted it at the top of their lungs. I had to force myself to stop as soon as I realized I started reacting to them just as they were treating me and my precious pets. Given such bad circumstances, I was trying to live a wiser, more enlightened life by treating even the horrible, ugly people better then they treated me. I was attempting to see through the clouds and smoke that were tossed across the yard shielding me from seeing that common part of them as a human being that I could use for grounds to gain some respect for their position.

I never could find that common ground, but I learned in the process that in the face of adversity, where two or more people are entrenched into opposing positions, common ground may not be established. I fought and scolded myself for not being able to see the humanity in the people who were yelling, lying and cheating their way to what they see as a better life for themselves by breaking the backs of those people surrounding them. Their tactics and attempts to move in and dominate by intimidation, force, lies and manipulations were the only way they knew to change their surroundings making themselves comfortable while placing everyone else in a constant state of unrest. I kicked myself for not recognizing immediately the tactics of those people who are so much like my own father who can only see force, intimidation and violence as the only ways to be safe from seeing the demons that look back at them from mirrors .

It took some time and effort on my part to realize that you don’t have to find common ground in a person to respect where they are coming from. You can simply respect that they are different and hope that one day they recognize the error of their ways. I use to be very close with all of my neighbors and still am with everyone but my immediate neighbor, however, when I allow them to disrupt my life because of their inability to live peacefully with all of their neighbors; I grant them the power they need to become comfortable. I took back that power and they must now try something new if they are to continue their lifestyle of misery.

While I wish I would have been wise enough to make this recognition sooner and with few if any cross words lobbed from my side of the yard, however, I am grateful that the words that hang above my head brought about a means to give new meaning to a credo that needs advertisement even in the face of anger. May all of the challenges to this code of arms find fruitless attempts and feeble the thoughts that thrust them aside. I found that it is more important to Love those who stand in your wake touting the things you treasure the most in effigy. Honor them for their refusal to grow while Respect is given even if only from your understanding of peace.

Todd M. Dobson

Erase Hate

Erase Hate

Thursday the21st of June 2007 I had the great pleasure of attending the Cindy Lauper concert at Atlanta’s Chastain Park. The concert was amazing and well worth the money and effort to see it.

I’ve been trying to see Cindy Lauper perform for the past eight years and this was the first opportunity to successfully experience a show. Cindy was opening for the Cher’s farewell tour and I paid to see Cher five times over the course of that tour. Due to business and personal obligations, I never saw any of the five shows. The last three shows I purchased knowing that I would have to travel to other locations for the shows, but I was willing to do that in order to see Cindy Lauper and Cher together. It came as a welcomed respite that I paid for tickets to see her and actually was able to experience the concert first hand.

One of the leading indicators that had me pursuing Cindy in concert is in part to pay tribute to a woman who has created alternative listening music since I was a young boy. Her first major album (She’s So Unusual) moved a generation of young people to their feet; not just in dance clubs, but in protest. She was the radical voice telling us as youth that it was OK to challenge authority when it is wrong. That the voice of reason didn’t always come from your mom and dad and the lyrics to her songs taught a new generation to start accepting the people around us for who they were. She explained how it was OK to be a punk girl, a gay boy or even just a singer who just wanted to have fun.

As the years marched to different sounds, Cindy Lauper stepped behind the scenes helping other young artist make their own sounds. She saw in other people what they couldn’t see in themselves. People like Hulk Hogan who was giving up on professional wrestling when Cindy became his Manager and Producer. He is now a household name. Cindy has created an empire for herself but along the way she never gave up the voice that taught us so many lessons about acceptance, peace and love. She has married and brought wonderful children into this world and every step of the way she has been a beacon – a light that shines on the gay, lesbian and transgender community.

I guess that is why I felt it was fitting that her concert be a starting place for the 2007 Atlanta Gay Pride festival. She is not a lesbian, but she has always stood up for our community. She has given her voice to causes like Gay Marriage, Equal Rights and now Erase Hate in conjunction with the Human Rights Campaign and Matthew Shepard Organization.

The focus of this tour is to bring awareness to the Hate that is fueling parts of our country via fear and intolerance. Each person in North America needs to stop and accept that it takes all of us to make this world revolve. It takes our diversity to make every day interesting. If we can accept the differences in the man, woman and child who sits next to us, the world would truly be a much better place.

Most importantly we must thank people like Cindy Lauper, Judy Shepard and the countless other heterosexuals that stand up on the behalf of all gay, lesbian and transgender people in the world trying to make it a better, safer and more accepting place. They are truly heroes and deserve our recognition, admiration and undying support. The message they push – “Erase Hate” is one that fits in perfectly with my own mantra, “Love, Honor & Respect” and both need to be in the faces of every person. Each human being loss due to a Hate Crime is far too costly for us to bear. Cindy is right when she reminds us that as hate crimes are committed, the victims are not the only people harmed by these senseless crimes, but so are the perpetrators. Each person harmed due to hate is truly a burden that we all must carry because each and every one of us can stop hate long before it becomes and issue like Matthew Shepard tied to a fence and left for dead.

Stop Hate Crimes – Erase Hate