The Meaning of Christmas

14th of December 2007

The Meaning of Christmas

The true meaning of Christmas should always bring a smile to your face and peace in your heart. During the holidays, a grin is used by people who normally scowl, a gift is left by those who normally expect to receive, the smell of snow, the feel of a roaring fire, the taste of roasting nuts and the smell of winter green from the trees filling the air like a blanket draping over a cold body on a frosty night. Your ears hear the sounds of music from carolers at every turn and your senses feel the harmony in the air that draws closer this one time a year. To walk the streets with snow falling, the store front windows decorated and lights with tensile glowing all around will help set the mood for a truly magical time.

Anything that brings peace to three quarters of the world, even if only for one day, is worthy of everyone who lives every where taking part of its majesty.

CHRISTMAS = WORLD PEACE

Christmas may be a Christian holiday, but when peace is abounding the world around, the holiday should be celebrated weather you are a Christian or not.

I celebrate Christmas in a very special way; by paying homage to my Great Grandpa Lalka in repeating his acts of kindness. Helping those who need a guiding hand while simultaneously keeping my great grandpa’s legacy a live is giving me new meaning every year I am able to place a smile on the face of the children who might otherwise go without a blessing on this day.

Great Grandpa Lalka (Paul Lalka), his family (sons, daughters, brothers and sisters) lived in the Washington (Tacoma) Valley after moving from Czechoslovakia. My great grandpa had a coal business and his brothers owned various stores like a shoe cobbler, a furniture maker and each had his own farm. Because of their businesses, they knew the families in the region who needed a little extra help. In the old country, the family trade was carving and all of the Lalka men whittled. They would fashion toys year round and put together baskets of food to accompany the toys for the family. These baskets were left at the homes on Christmas Eve for the children to find come Christmas day, hence continuing the legend of Santa Clause.

The Lalka family persisted to give year after year eventually garnering attention to their kindness that was happening throughout the Washington Valley. As word spread of their good deeds, my great grandpa took on a new persona for himself and in his duplicitous nature; he felt he needed a new suite that better match his role. He and his brothers created an authentic Santa Suite.

They used crush red velvet for the jacket, pants and the hat. My great grandpa trapped rabbits and used the white fur to line the lapel of the jacket, the cuffs of the sleeves and the brim of the hat. One brother created a very wide belt and another made a huge brass buckle and hand carved buttons for the jacket. My great grandpa didn’t need any padding; he had just enough of his own. He had thinning snow white hair with a long naturally flowing beard.

The family lineage dates back to the fourteenth century and was not our original surname. The last name Lalka was given to the family by a princess as an ancestor walked in to a small village during her visit. As he waited to meet the Princess, she was taken by his alabaster skin, rosy red cheeks, beautiful eyes and striking good looks. She called him lalka meaning doll because she thought he was as beautiful as a doll. The name was taken by the family to honor the princess. This being said, great grandpa Lalka had alabaster skin with rosy red cheeks and a crimson nose. He was the epitome of Santa Clause with the suite that portrayed the jolly man within.

My great grandpa was offered money by every major department store on the North West coast, but he reserved his gifts for those who truly needed them and pandering money to perform acts of kindness was not his motivation. I was honored to have found his legacy and more so to feel the desire to continue keeping it alive. When Great Grandpa passed away, he was given tribute by every major news paper up and down the North West coast with many reserving front page headlines such as the one in the Seattle Tribune, “Santa Clause has Died”!

No one could know that this simple man born in to the meager means of a Czechoslovakian family would have such a positive impact on so many lives. He was a real man who made many mistakes, but giving true love to those who needed was not one of his misgivings. Striving to be just a little more like my Great Grandpa on a daily basis is what Christmas means to me.

While I know it is a Christian holiday, it has pagan roots, but more importantly, when any one day can bring three-quarters of the world together in harmony and with peace, it deserves to be shared and enjoyed by all. I don’t care if it is referred too via any other name, but enjoy the day – share in the enlightenment of the moment and give freely to those who don’t share your gifts.

More importantly, for those parents who wish to teach their children of the true meaning of Christmas...ask your child to give just one toy of their choosing to a child in need. Show them by example with donations to charities who help the less fortunate or something as simple as donating your time to feed the homeless. Children learn when we aren’t teaching. They learn more by our examples then anything lesson we choose to teach. Lessons on compassion and what it truly means to give will do so much in the way of extending the legacy of Santa Clause or someone more down to earth like Paul Lalka.

Christmas is meant to be shared and enjoyed by all and to me that is giving to someone who might otherwise go without. Spread the Christmas Joy and spread this message to all you know and love.

May each and every one reading this be over-come with Love and Peace for the holidays, and each and every day you believe in my message. Thank you for sharing in my meaning of Christmas and may it give you some meaning within your life too.

~~ Warmest wishes for everyone on this day and every day to come~~

Todd M. Dobson

Closing this Blog

19^th of November 2007

Dear Readers,

I must tell you how much I’ve enjoyed writing over the past two years and I am compelled to Thank You for reading these words. I started writing in hopes that my experiences and thoughts could open the minds and the hearts of everyone. I have shared some deeply personal events from my past and present life hoping you might learn from my mistakes or help you do a better job than I did with similar situations. My dreams are that you might use my words as insight to making a better life for yourself and the people you love.

I have been honored by many of you with emails and comments that have challenged me while also showing your appreciation for my words and how many of you receive them. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your support, your questions and the love you’ve shown me over the past two years and it has made me an improved writer, but most importantly it has made me a better person. That is why I write and publish such personal insight into my life in hopes you can help me become a more loving, caring person. The kind of person who knows how to empathize when necessary, the kind of person who can stand tall with the knowledge that you’ve made me choose a better life for myself and for the people I love. You’re emails have touched my heart as you’ve conveyed how you felt the same way as I describe previous experiences. I can only hope that you’ve learned something…anything from my experiences and that I have touched your lives if only in a fraction of the manner each of you has touched mine.

It is with these words that I am enormously saddened that I will not be blogging under my name or under the mantra “Love, Honor & Respect”. It has come to my attention that there are people close to me who take my words, turn them and use them in hopes of tarnishing my character. While I care less what people think about me; I am extremely comforted with the knowledge that I am making myself a man of morals, a man who cares greatly for others and only want to share that mindset with the rest of the world. I am encouraged to find that many people read my words of wisdom finding them as something to cherish instead of how others use my words to dishonor me for their own person/professional gain. I can only say that a person who has so little love for themselves can only feel happiness and pleasure at the expense of others and thereby they are not worthy of being called my friend or family.

For these reasons and only these reasons I have created a pseudonym and will continue publishing my words via other blogging sites. I am extremely distressed to say this will be my final blog on this and all sites under the mantra “Love, Honor & Respect”. If you wish to read my words, please email me at blog@tmdobson.com and I will gladly forward you the sites you will be able to read my thoughts.

Thank you again for the support and love you’ve shared with me and I hope you find my other sites as compelling and sensitive as my existing one has been.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Part II: Interesting Events Happened Today

5^th of November 2007,

Part II: Interesting Events Happened Today

I can’t believe how much the events of yesterday have bothered me. I had a busy day in the office; yet my mind was pre-occupied with the details of yesterday. It has been like a nagging fly that won’t leave me alone and even though I forced myself to focus on my work and the projects underway, this has been in the back of my head and worrisome. I was so packed with apprehension that would not alleviate that it was changing from light apprehension to extreme alarm with why this continued to bother me. When out of sheer exasperation, I finally cleared my mind it actually came to me as to why this has been such an over-burdening issue.

The construct of it is when the Sheppard boy cried wolf; that is what happened yesterday. I reacted out of instinct when the lady screamed and I witnessed the man running away with her purse. My response is not common; in fact, I was the only one who took off after him. Not one other person took those steps and that can have more to do with the facts that countless times the Good Samaritan becomes the victim today. I know it has stopped me from stopping to help someone that is on the side of the road at night. I instinctively did what was right to do under the circumstances, but my conscience won’t let it go because she was not in danger nor did she loose anything that belonged to her. The perception that called on me to respond not knowing if the man had a knife or a gun or if by tackling him would land me in a lawsuit because he might have been harmed at my reaction. None of these were thoughts as I responded to what we have been conditioned as a cry for help and in some small way, the need for protection. As it turned out, the woman in this matter was just acting and was in no danger at all. Because there was no danger, the risk I took had there not been a van for our villain to dive in to was far greater because had I actually tackled him, I would have been violating his rights as he never would have violated hers. The dilemma sharpened because while most people were not aware of what was going to happen, they were aware that something was to occur and they were to just watch and observe taking as many mental notes as possible. My only criticism is that doesn’t that remove the element of surprise and diminishes the entire focus for the show itself.

Once I acknowledged the preoccupation of my senses with the experience at the cafe, I felt better about the circumstances. I can’t change the events and I can’t prevent a company from researching human behavior, but I can take ownership of me. I can only hope the next situation I am faced with that calls for swiftness my hesitation is not what cost someone dearly and that was the honest cost of yesterday’s research and quest for ratings.

The next time a company wants to research the collective capabilities of the human mind, I suggest they use any other form for stimuli as apposed to placing someone within harms way for the sole fact to garner ratings for television…human life is worth so much more than ratings.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Interesting Events Happened Today

Iteresting Events Happened Today

4^th of November 2007

Interesting Events Happened Today

As if my weekend hasn't been one of the most interesting that I've had in the past seven years, I am perplexed with the events of today and why I feel so odd about them.

Today was such a beautiful day with temperatures in the mid seventies (Fahrenheit, about seventeen to eighteen degrees Celsius) with a clean sunny clear blue sky and a light breeze keeping just that chill in the air to remind us that winter finally is arriving. I was awaken by my puppy around 8:30 AM as usual for every Sunday morning and I got up rejoicing in the silence by completing a blog about the horrible Phelps family and the Westboro Baptist Church. I look up from my computer screens to see I am already late to meet some friend's downtown to watch a double header softball game where one friend is playing and several others are rooted the team on.

I got to the field very late, but watched the remainder of the game and dispensing my farewells to my friends as I walked around the sparsely populated park. The day was such a beautiful day and the walk was relaxing as my mind wondered over the news that a publishing house wants to publish my book. It was so peaceful as I was refusing to make my way back home for fear that reality might step back in to my life and change the past few days events, so I continued walking the park taking in the sculpted bodies of the running men by thinking what a glorious weekend this has been.

I sat in the park relaxing and having a wonderful time when a friend – David walked up and greeted me with a smile. We walked around the park and changed our direction towards the book store to meet his friend Dwayne and they were going to get a byte to eat. I tagged along, not really hungry, but not wanting to leave their good company, so we walked down to two café's just on the edge of the park so that we could enjoy a panini sandwich.

I flirted with the waiter who sat us outside in the glorious sun inside a fenced-in outdoor seating area. There was no rush to the day or to our order as everyone was enjoying themselves and the people flowing in and out of the two outdoor sitting areas were all chatting with friends and family. If you haven't already realized from my many blogs, I notice absolutely everything and especially every good looking guy. As we were finishing our food chatting about many things and yet nothing important at all, I watched as a very handsome man casually walked up towards the fenced in area, but staying on the other side.

I was sitting back in my chair as I noticed him as he appeared to be waiting for someone with his stunning features almost like a Nordic to German type man pacing about. He stood around 5'9" to maybe 5'10" tall with a slender build; maybe 145 to 155 pounds. He wore dark jean with a light top and a ski-type hat on his head. He had longer hair that was sandy-blond with sun high-lights on the ends of his hair that stuck outside his hat around the bottom-back side and just above his eyes. His eyes were medium sunken in and were a color more like blue to a lighter color, but I couldn't really see them clearly enough as he continued pacing and moving about. He was positioned in the area a good five minutes and as I watched him I noticed just how agitated he seemed, but it was a controlled restlessness.

We were talking and instantly I hear the lady closest to the fence scream as peripherally I see the pacing guy take off running with a dark colored purse within his grasp. It seemed to happen slowly at this point because I had my knife between my fingers and I dropped it slid my chair back and spun around the corner to my right, side-stepping the dog that laid at the entrance of the fenced-in area and I started running at great hast to stop the purse snatcher. There was a large van parked in the very end spot that blocked my vision as I turned that corner, but as I sprinted to the end of the parking lot I was scanning across the street and up the street for my handsome thief when I see an Atlanta Police officer walking towards me from up the street by a few paces. As the officer approached me I started to break my stride because I couldn't find the purse snatcher when I heard the man tell me "it's OK…don't worry…this was all staged". I turned in an instant more out of instinct still looking for my adorable thief when I see him inside the van laughing as another Atlanta Police officer closes the door to the van.

What was just told to me starts to sink in as the other officer is chuckling a little and it suddenly hits me what a fool I've been. I walk back to my friends as I see a camera man and several people walking amongst the guest inside the eating areas asking people if they witnessed anything and asking for details of what they witnessed. My feeling was one that perplexed me as much as anything I've experienced lately and I don't understand why I feel so bad about what these circumstances. I didn't enter inside the fenced-in area or sit back down at my table, I just stood several feet away outside the fence watching a lady walk directly out of the doors of the café and over to the table where I had been sitting. I heard her ask David and Dwayne if they witnessed anything and ask them to complete an agreement allowing them to be interviewed. She was searching for me as I took another step back away from them to remove myself from her focus. She is looking for me when she turns around and directly engages me asking me to sign a release form and I calmly decline. She insist and I tell her that it would not behoove me to either be interviewed or cause them any trouble, but that I will not participate in this charade any further.

The lady gave me a very quizzical look and seemed to be offended by my comments to her when she abruptly turned and continued interviewing David and Dwayne. I took two steps backwards towards a tree as the police officer who told me it was OK was standing a few steps away from me. He ask quietly as he stepped towards me if I was an off-duty officer or militarily trained and I never even looked at him as I responded No, just a concerned citizen as I continued to watch my friends having their pictures taken and more questions asked of them. The officer paused for a moment when he said, the guy didn't stand a chance against me and I looked at him as he tilted his head to me and walked away.

I felt proud if only for an instant, but curiously enough the feeling faded quickly as again I felt almost betrayed for some reason and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I understand all too clearly what the interviewers were after because I've written about it both in the preface to my book and in two blogs. They want to recode who witnessed what and show how everybody will have a completely different recollection to the events that transpired. As I've written in the past, it has to do with us being humans and each one of us being different. We have different life forces and different events that shaped who we are. Because of our experiences and our past, we collect facts differently than the person next to us. Complicating matters even more, we use different parts of our brains and that comes back to who has what talents. Some of us use our left brain while others use our right brains. No matter, it makes for a difference in how we store current events and how we recall those same set of events.

I appreciate what they're doing; however, it still has not made me feel better about the events as they happened. I can't explain why I felt so let down because I don't really understand it myself. I had hoped my feelings would pass because neither they nor I did anything to warrant shame. So why do I feel as I do? Why can't I just let it pass for what it was a testament to our humanity and that which makes us different. I understand it completely and yet, I still feel somehow I was duped in some way.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

The Most Amazing News for ME!!!

3^rd of November 2007

Hello My Readers,

Many of you read my blogs and have commented directly on this site and other sites about the experiences of my life that I've written about. The support you provided me has spurred me to press forward with something that was once laughable and then turned in to a possible dream.

As many of you know seven years ago I left Montreal and left the love of my life...my soul mate. Ian aloud our relationship to wither and die for some inexplicable reason while I was helpless to save its ravaged form. It takes two to share love but only one for a relationship to survive and Ian gave up on himself and on us. I struggled for more than eighteen months feeling each and every day like I was submerged beneath the surface of water drowning. Unable to catch my breath and with no way to salvage our relationship I continued descending to the murky depths or darkness and depression.

It took me four years to overcome the thoughts of Ian or wish him next to me and one of the ways I accomplished that amazing feet on my own was to start writing about him. I wrote about my anger and the eighty-six thousand dollars he owes me. I wrote about how I missed touching is beautiful skin and sculpted features. I was tortured by his lingering French accent and the eyes that once made me feel safe, warm and loved. I wrote of how we met and how for the first time in my life I understood how amazing love should always be. I also wrote in great details with the descriptions of a blind painter how we met, how we fell in love and how we ignited passion with fires of lust and the most amazing sex two people could ever share.

I wrote all of my feelings in to this manuscript without any order or conscience decision to organize my thoughts. Without ever thinking of what I was doing, I wrote this wondrous manuscript that many friends have read and prompted me to publish. You must understand that it was writing this book and the first women who read this book and pressed me to publish it. Dale's voice in my head gave birth to me thinking that my writing may be helpful to some people and was the precipitous to my blogging. I never was able to write before this experience. My book (Love, Honor & Respect) is really good and extremely descriptive and brings you into our world as if you are walking with us each step of the way. I still can't read it without correcting this or that. I can't open those pages without getting excited when I read of our first sexual encounters or cry every page when he rips my heart out with dishonesty and the loss of such great love.

I received a phone call yesterday with the most amazing news that I have wanted so dearly for so long; my manuscript is being published. My dreams of publishing that book that holds so many personal details about my life, my love and the darkest moments of my life is going to be for sale in a matter of months. I am elated beyond all belief. I know one thing that I want to do and that is to Thank You. Thank each and every one of you for your support of my writing and to thank you for telling me how my experiences have helped you. I love that I hear from so many people how the events from my life can help any one person. The love that so many of you have shown has pushed me to want to publish this book. I am dearly grateful and I hope that once my first book is published that each of you enjoy the parts of my life within its pages.

Deeply grateful,

Todd M. Dobson

Response to Jupiter King's Blog: What the Word of God Says about Homosexuality

29^th October 2007

Response to Jupiter King’s Blog:

What the Word of God Says About Homosexuality

I read Mr. Jupiter’s blog and respectfully responded to him. My comments were shown on his blog, but he later removed my comments. I can only surmise why but he replaced my words with two comments of his own that were both written in great hast and as you read them with anger. Please read Mr. Jupiter’s Blog and both of my comments to him are as follows:

http://www.socyberty.com/Gay-&-Lesbians/What-the-Word-of-God-Says-About-Homosexuality.54341#comments

Hello Jupiter,

I love a good exchange between multiple intellectual minds, so I hope yours is open to understanding some thing you have not accounted for in your blog. While your opinion is not uncommon in people, most have had little exposure to the subject at hand or little research in to the matter.

I hope I am able to shed some light onto the subject matter for you. The portion of the bible you reference (Old & New Testament) details many things, yet at no time does the bible overtly oppose homosexuality. I can take you to each verse in the bible that is claimed to speak negatively about homosexuality and explain how each and every one has been taken out of context or misconstrued to reference a slanted point of view; you might want to know that many noted theologians (gay and straight) agree with my comments that the bible itself does not speak disparagingly against homosexuality. You might also find it amusing that many of the very passages you highlight in your bible as denouncing homosexuality were also used by religious leaders against blacks and against women. There is nothing uniquely talented about taking a small number of words and turning them to be used as a club against a group one wishes to suppress, fanatical Christians and Muslims have been doing it for centuries and the talent is only in finding weaker minded people who do not wish to think for themselves and decide if what they are told is accurate or not.

As for what you’re gay friends may say, I can’t answer for them; but I can ask, when did you acknowledge that you chose to be heterosexual? It is an important question because all of my friends and family that are straight say they can never recall a day or time when they actually made that as a choice. Likewise, I can’t tell you when I made my choice to be gay. I can tell you when I accepted that which made me different from everyone else, but there was never a day I chose to be gay. If it is a choice as you explain, why would I choose to be different from everyone I love and who loves me. Why would I choose to go against how I was raised? Why would I choose to defy the way society taught me was normal? Why would I choose a life that segregates me and where I don’t have even the same basic rights and privileges as all other people do? Why would I choose to be so different from all other people around me? Why if I chose to be gay would I want to remain this way if as so many straight people claim, most homosexuals are unhappy being gay?

Most unhappy gay people are that way because they are not accepted or understood by their straight counterparts. Narrow-minded people would rather spread hate because it is what everyone was lead to believe as normal, instead of honoring the diversity of humanity, instead of loving all people for who they are and not what you think I need to be, and instead of respecting our differences because they are OK. Back to your assertions that it is a choice of living a moral life or an immoral one…who is closer to GOD – the man who Loves, Honors & Respects his fellow human beings and strives to make their lives better, no matter what differences are present; or the man who holds up a holy book and claims superiority over anyone for any reason and can find words in that book to argue his point. Think about your answer, because it was Jesus who said the followers would be the last to enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Think about your response and I can be reached at Todd@fdlservices.com

Thank you for this exchange of words and I look forward to hearing from you.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Now I found my comments to be respectful while asking for some understanding in his beliefs. It is hard to change the position one has claimed their entire life is the right position, even in the face of proven facts that might show otherwise. Some people are unable to admit they themselves could be wrong and others actually hold on to that small part of them that garners piety based on suppressing someone as beneath themselves.

I am not saying that Mr. Jupiter fits any of these categories; however, I found it remarkable that Mr. Jupiter removed my comments and replaced them with those of his view point only. I have other blogs that have comments from people who challenge my stance and challenge my faith. I find them rewarding and thought provoking and I read them earnestly hoping that if I missed something in my thought process before I might learn something now. We can learn from everybody, we just have to open our minds to the process.

Please make sure to read both of Mr. Jupiter’s comments and here is my response that I posted to his blog, however Mr. Jupiter is refusing to publish it. That too might make you think, what he has to hide that he is unable to hear an apposing point of view and not receive it well. That does not mean he agrees with it, just that its presences does not challenge his own.

Hello Jupiter,

I love how when critical thought is demanded, the common mind ignites anger as its first line of defense instead of calm, rational review of apposing thoughts.

So let us talk about the Bible – New Testament and your many passages that you listed in your comment. You listed them in a secondary response only after removing my acknowledgment that they do exist, but caught my attention in a vociferate manner was that the words you typed were more out of anger and vengeance then out of understanding or acceptance. It is an assumed knowledge and not a factual one. So Mr. Jupiter you have answered my first question in my first comment, which states that I like a good exchange of minds. I am gay and I could get angry with you’re original blog, but I respect your opinion and always like people to discuss why they hold an opinion that differs from my own. I had hoped at some point in our conversations you may either teach me something I did not know and thereby sway my position to your view, or perhaps I may be able to do so with you. Based on your responses filled of spite (the words you select and the manner they are placed within the text), it tells me that a polite exchange of view points is not going to occur between us. I can accept that honorably and if you wish to carry our discussion further, please feel free to email me (todd@fdlservices.com), I will respectfully respond as I always do.

Let us discuss the New Testament as you reference it in your blog and comments. The New Testament was dedicated to the Life of Jesus Christ as witnessed by his closest Apostles. Matthew, being one of the Apostles and being closer to the Son of God than others might have been during Jesus’ life; we really can’t know because we were not there. As with every witness’s view of any set of events, that person sees, hears, touches, taste and feels different from each and every person who witnessed the same events at the same time. What I am speaking about derives from their life experiences, their set of beliefs and their perspectives on any subject that might bend those events in one direction or another. Because no two people are alike, is why no two personal views or recollections of events will ever be the same. It is precisely why a police officer asking witnesses to an accident for their recount of the events they witnessed will never be exactly the same. That is why Matthew gives us one view of each part of Christ’s events and those same events are recounted differently by the other Apostles.

So what about the many other Apostles who wrote and submitted their accounts of Jesus’ Life and their texts were denied entry in to the Bible by the Council of Nicea? What became of their accounts of this man’s life? Did they lie or fabricate what they witnessed or perhaps did a governing body pick and choose what of Jesus’ life they wanted to have listed as reference able material?

And what are we to believe of Matthew himself? This was the first voice to question the actions of Jesus based on everybody’s account. Each and every time he questioned the Load, Jesus showed him that his way was through LOVE and ACCEPTANCE, not JUDGMENT. Jesus said this and showed this in every event that was recounted and by everyone who wrote of this man’s life, so why do we start to question what the New Testament was all about?

To complicate matters even more, if Jesus Christ was against homosexuality, as you might want everyone to believe, please explain to me why he saved the life of a young slave boy of the Centurion. As recounted in Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10 Jesus healed the Centurion’s Servant boy even knowing that the Centurion first offered his life in order for Jesus to save the boy claiming the boy was his own. He then acknowledged to Christ our Load, the boy was his beloved servant and in the times that absolutely meant sexual companion. So, please explain to me why if Jesus was so against homosexuality would he save the life of a sexual servant to a high-ranking Greek Soldier?

In the New Testament as you originally reference speaks mostly of the times social disapproval and the Jewish feeling that that homosexuality was unclean. These are common beliefs that do not amount to facts, but opinions just like your own. There was nothing more and absolutely nothing less to it. I can site chapter and verse of every instance the bible says anything that has been turned (by man of today) and used to show how homosexuality is wrong: Leviticus, Romans, 1 Corinthians, 1 Timothy and some you might not know about. Each and every one of them has been discounted by theologians from around the world. These are men and women who have spent life times researching the bible, Jesus and GOD, so if they say that there is nothing in the bible that directly says homosexuality is wrong after spending their lives to know all that can be known outside of being present during the times, why can’t someone like you read the greatest book in our lives and use it for what it was meant to be; a reference guide by which to strive to live your life.

It is only a book, written by men, edited by men, translated by men and organized by men. The first thing GOD told us was that men are fallible, so why are we to assume the men who wrote the words in this great book were not, when Jesus himself said He Was A Fallible MAN?

Again I offer my words as just one argument that might be right and might be wrong. I would rather respect you for your view point and think to myself that it might be right and be able to wait until my judgment day to find out; but I have yet to judge you for your view point as you have done me for mine. Again I would ask you, who do you think is closer to GOD?

I hope my words find you happy, healthy and filled with LOVE.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Is It The Journey or the Destination

28^th of October 2007

Is It The Journey or the Destination?

If you have read any of my previous blogs, you know that I have been through many life challenges and yet my mind set has always been that I am truly blessed. Yes, I believe that I have guardian’s who watch over me and based on their guidance I am very blessed.

That may sound odd as you read about my many challenges, but it is my firm belief none the less. Over the past four weeks my mind has been in over-load and it has been difficult to turn down the background noise as it spins out of control. You see I’ve written about taking two long years to find a good job and after one year with the employer from hell, I found that job doing what I like to do with people I really enjoy working with. So, how can I have anxiety over my new job?

As I’ve written in the past, when you grow up in an abusive environment where the common words are not positive, but rather tears you apart as an individual. I said that correctly, the voice I heard daily said I wasn’t shit and would never amount to anything. I was dumb, I was stupid and I was nothing but a lazy, good for nothing piece of shit. I cold never do anything right and as long as I was not my older brother; I would never amount to anything.

I still hear those voices when ever anything starts to go in a positive direction for me, and those voices become pronounced as I step towards a positive direction. It never fails to surprise me when I first don’t understand the anxiety I feel or when the voices chatter out of control and I become agitated and bothered by their loud, uncontrollable noise filling my head. By the age of forty years old, you might think the rise in these voices might trigger a happy pleasure sensation because it should be a sign for me that I am in the midst of something really good. Unfortunately, it takes a little separation from ones self to make that conclusion and until that happens, the anxiety can run a person ragged.

The anxieties I suffer are common for adults of abused children, but they never become less difficult to deal with as time passes. Over the past four weeks, I’ve climbed deeper into my new position and I’ve grown to love the people and the job; but as I’ve excelled in my position, the voices have become uncontrollable. I started doubting myself in that very position and doubting the people who have done nothing but show their support. Second guessing the job I’m doing and their reaction to my work. Not one person has indicated anything negative with my performance and all the while I have made mistakes, none seem to cause anything close to the level of noise rampantly chattering inside my head.

It took me getting sick last week with a nasty sinus infection that caused an existing tooth infection to go overboard shutting me down for a couple of days in order for me to regain control over my anxieties. It took me thinking I was about to be fired at that same job that I love with people that have never once indicated anything but support, while in my head over the past four weeks, I’ve been seeing and hearing how I was going to be fired at any moment and for any reason. They were just waiting for the right moment was all I kept telling myself. Anxieties such as these can and often do become self fulfilling prophecies and that just feeds the fires for the next time they become uncontrollable.

As I stayed at home last night waxing philosophical and pondering life’s challenges did a life long challenge became an answer I could firmly believe in…it isn’t the destination, but rather it is the journey that makes us better people. My entire life I have always gone out of my way to become a better person. Better than my childhood indicated, and far better than anyone ever gave me credit to accomplish. I have tried with every year of my life to always remember what I had was truly a blessing and millions would kill to swap places with me. For every breath I take I feel honored that I have it to take and never ever take any of my life for granted. So it is harsh when those voices push me in the opposite direction and I allow them too because for that day, that moment I am weaker than I should be.

That is what unfolded for me this past week and how the realization that my destination, here in Atlanta Georgia is only where I need to be right now and everything is telling me that daily. That destination currently holds the right job with support by good people challenging me to grow and learn and sharpen my skills for them and for me. Over the past few years I have fought many demons and come to terms with so much to reclaim the person I once was. But what I’ve found isn’t the person I once was, it is someone who is better than I could have ever been.

That is how I found that the journey I’ve been on for the past seven years, which I once thought took a good life away and replaced it with one mistake after another. I suddenly realized how I ever created that first life to begin with: it was forged by mistake after mistake; challenge after challenge until I found what worked…that was my first journey. Now I am in the midst of a journey that has depths I could never have imagined, but I finally see the heights are outside the scope of my view and that is amazingly wonderful. Yes my mistakes have been many and very troublesome, but that is what makes the journey…not the destination as profound and meaningful. My place is right here in Atlanta Georgia and the time is right now. My journey is underway with no destination in front of me. I am controlling those voices for the second time in my life and good things are happening to me once again.

I am right here in the moment and enjoying now. I’m not wallowing in the past and I know my future is going to be OK no matter what happens. It is all about the journey we are on and it has nothing to do with the destination.

by: Todd M. Dobson

Gay Pride: What Does It Really Mean

1^st of October 2007

GAY PRIDE – What Does It Really Mean

When I first acknowledged to myself that I was a gay man, almost an eternity ago, I felt none of the gay people depicted on the news or I read about in the papers represented me as a gay man. So when friends asked if I would join in the local Gay Pride celebration, I declined for that very reason.

The only gay people I grew up knowing were two very effeminate men that lived in completely different parts of the small town I grew up in. The impression of being gay that was indelible left upon me was not what I saw for my life. I recognized the same stereotypes that everybody else saw and assumed all gay men were like; and the homophobia that was overtly present in all straight people, permeated through my thoughts as well. I witnessed other kids and their parents talking about those two gay men with their effeminate mannerisms as thought they were the scourge of the planet using words of disgust, vile and in a manner of total revulsion. The sad fact of the matter was that I agreed with them at my young age and on occasion I am saddened to say I would join in the conversations. There are many gay men and lesbian women who fault their own kind by stereotyping the very people who were the face of our community.

It was sad when the only other picture of gay life that I knew about was what the news media showed as the typical gay man in his leather costume. An over-compensating butch man exposing himself while being surrounded by his leather gear only to be over acted by the extremely nelly drag queens who dressed in women’s clothing and pranced around also exposing themselves for humanity’s sake. I thought then as many people think today - none of these homosexuals represent me. I convinced myself that I was not like any of them because I don’t want to dress in women’s clothing, or in leather gear or expose my genitals to the world just for the sake of doing it. I told myself then that there is much more to me than just being a gay man.

When you’re fourteen years old, you can’t image how the twist and turns of life will mold you as a person, much less how dramatically life can change the mind as you mature. I never considered myself homophobic, because I was a gay man and therefore gay men could not be homophobic. I also never considered who I might be hurting by repeating my horrible words that “Gay Pride did not represent who I was as a person”. I would even justify my homophobia by explaining that I was so much more than whom I had sex with. Now, if that doesn’t just sound like the sound blob written by the Christian Coalition, I don’t know how I could have been any more filled with hate.

It is horrible to believe that gay and lesbian people can themselves be homophobic to their own kind. Now, before you rip my head off, there are varying degrees of hate. You can be a little phobic, but tolerant for the most part. You can see this in heterosexual people all the time. A co-worker who knows you’re gay and responds with no big deal, lets say in a positive manner and expressing acceptance. It doesn’t seem to bother them at first, but later you get this feeling that they have purposely distanced themselves from you. This sense grows more prevalent as it continues to happen, but you’re not able to really point to any one thing that proves this nagging sensation. You let things pass knowing that they will only persist, not diminish as time continues to pass. It is like a irritation that you know exist, but can’t for the life of you place your finger on exactly what could be wrong. Over time you find more and more distance separating you and that co-worker and as more time passes you sense the issue really is a latent homophobia.

Another case in point is true of many families of gays or lesbians. The family says they accept you for who you are, however, your homosexuality is not spoken about and neither is anyone you date or love. They may accept you and discuss parts of your life, but your lover is not welcomed in their home or must sleep in a separate room. They may even go as far as accepting you and your spouse in to their home, discussing your lives; but supporting gay issues such as gay marriage…no that is out of the question. In almost all cases even the most accepting families feel it is a choice you made and while they don’t understand why you would ever make that choice, they accept that you did in their minds and that to them is acceptance. As I was telling you earlier, there are varying degrees of hate and acceptance.

These same things happen within the gay community amongst our own people. You hear it all the time by gays who say they don’t care about gay marriage and refuse to fight for equal rights. They may never want to marry another person; however, it is their own dark hearts, filled with hate that immobilizes them from a fight for equal rights. They themselves are gay, so how can they not want or see that each and every person in the United States of America should be treated exactly the same.

We have our own clashes between gay sub-groups that individually want to assert their rights to their own existence. If we don’t have enough hate emanating around us, we have it consuming us from within. Before you get angry at me for point it out and before you respond to the hate within our own kind, we must understand where this hate originates. Thousand’s of years of oppression have changed the way the world once thought. Many centuries of hate and oppression made people forget what it was to love and accept everyone as they were and without prejudice. They were taught over the years how to hate and who to hate and homosexuality has been at the top of that list for thousands of years.

Bring that down to our own lives today and we were brought into this world loving and accepting, but we learned how to hate anything or anyone gay. The news media, our family and friends did not know how to handle anything different and they were thought homosexuality was wrong. It was un-natural and un-clean. Being gay was against nature and above all it was against GOD. How any of us could ever stand a chance at being a whole person when for our entire early years we were inundated with the messages of hate. It is why coming to terms with our own sexuality can be such an arduous task for each one of us. It is also why those of our very own can show tendencies of hate against others within our own communities. Hate and acceptance are two entirely different opposing aspects and a person can accept themselves without accepting all who share their fate. It is a harsh reality, but one that is rooted within our own humanity none the less.

The pictures I paint with my words can be a harsh view to accept; but I am over run with optimism that each one of us can make a difference. That view doesn’t have to happen to us or right now. We have everything that we need to change it and it starts within ourselves and then within our own communities. We must denounce hate of all kinds. We must love and accept ourselves as individual people, but also love and accept our community for its own diversity. The gym rats, the nelly boys, the drag queens, the leather guys, the bull dikes, the lipstick lesbians and all homosexual people must open their hearts and know the road they share is with all of the people surrounding them…even if they aren’t of their own kind.

I can stand on my soap box and pontificate to all sides touting the obvious that we have so many people who hate and loath all homosexuals that it is futile not to love ourselves no matter the subcultures that divide our community. A unified group makes it more difficult for all others to segregate and concur. If we continue fighting within our own population instead of honoring our similarities; how can we ever expect the heterosexual world to ever love and accept us as a unified group?

These are the easy comments that everyone knows, but look at my 2007 pictures of Atlanta Gay Pride and see the diversity within our community (Myspace Pictures: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=95276627&albumId=1236125 ). Notice the diversity as you see men, women and children all around. There were people of all ages and all backgrounds, all nationality, all colors and it was amazing to witness. The people on the floats were scantily clothed as you normally see on the media and in the news papers. You saw the leather guys, dykes on bikes, guys in dresses, girls that looked like boys; but then, there were beautiful women who could pass as female models and sculpted men like they stepped out of the pages of GQ magazine, couples with their children and thousands that looked just like you and me. Everyone was beautiful to witness and our differences showed as brightly as the colors making the rainbow that represents our oppression. The greatest effects of PRIDE in any city are the people who come together supporting each other in front of the rest of the world. I saw so many people and talked with countless men and women of all ages from every walk of life. The thing I couldn’t get beyond was how many couples openly displaying the love they shared together without inhibition. It didn’t matter what sub-group they claimed; love was the central focus for Gay Pride in Atlanta and it was an amazing picture for all to view.

Love and support are the reasons that every gay man, woman and child need to experience Gay Pride somewhere…so you know that you are not alone in this world or within our own diverse community. The scared fourteen year old boy trying to come to terms with my own homosexuality could have used the support Gay Pride has been providing millions since the sixties and I am sorry it took me so many years to learn that message of hope.

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As for The David Magazine (a local Atlanta Gay/Lesbian Magazine that is published weekly): and the gay individuals who write every week in the Bitch Session section of the magazine. You more than anyone need to heed my message. While you complain weekly about people from outside your individual sub-group, remember, that each person may be the next victim of a gay bashing or hate crime. You may be the next one receiving hate as it drips from the lips or the fingertips of a homophobic person expressing their loath and disgust for gay America. We can prevent hate crimes by showing the city and the world that the gay community is a unified and caring group who supports each and every member within our population. Love is stronger than hate could ever hope to be, but hate is always easy. Don’t be the person spreading hate within our community. Be brave enough to stand up for all within our populace and accept even those you were thought to hate.

by: Todd M. Dobson

Cherish what you have While you have it! Part II

5^th of April 2007

Cherish what you have While you have it!

No body ever claimed life would be easy. Sometimes you get lost in the envy of seeing those who have more and for whom life come so easily. I hope you can realize that the person you envy might be doing the same thing to you.

I learned a very hard lesson early in life, which was playing the envy game, only makes you long for that which you don’t have. Instead of loosing myself in what I didn’t receive, I took stock in what I did possess, but more importantly those things necessary to accomplish my goals. Yes, I am human and notice how other people have skills and success thrust upon them, but success is defined differently for each individual person and is almost never the same thing for you or for me.

Let me explain what I mean. I grew up in the shadow of my older brother. Barely one year older than I, and he possessed a photogenic memory with an intelligence that few would ever achieve. I had to study non stop to score a low “C” on an exam, while my brother never cracked a book or if he did it was five minutes before the test and he would always receive an “A” on the same exam. Popularity came easy for him as did any sport and so did the ladies. They would swoon in his presence and no matter what he did, he was cool. I on the other hand barely had friends, however I knew everybody. I was strategic in my decisions with how to achieve any goal. I can’t take a test to save my life and women…well, let’s just say I’m glad I’m gay, because I could never romantically approach a girl. We were polar opposites from the first day and remain as such still today.

My brother could have been a history maker, a politician, a doctor, a lawyer, a Nobel Prize winning scientist; he could have been anything he wanted to be. However, he has fought drug addiction for more than half his life, he just lost an amazing women who loved him and he is repeating the failures of our parents by slowly killing his two beautiful children.

His life is such a sharp contrast to mine. He has the greatest challenges given to him with such ease that they bare challenge at all. Before I ever took my first breath, life itself has been my greatest challenge. For a white man, I have had to fight against homophobia even within my own skin. Growing up in a small Southern town brings about a closeness that will either divide or concur the weak. In my house, I was always and remain to this day, the weak even to my own family members. Because of this and blatant hate, I left home after graduating High School at the age of seventeen years old. When I left home I had everything a person could ever need to be on their own. I worked very hard and became a department manager before I was even close to twenty years old for a grocery store chain and later as I turned twenty-one I was running an 8.4 million dollar operation for Marriott Host in Boston Massachusetts. I tried going back to school because I always wanted to work with computers, but can’t test my way out of a paper bag. Computers and networks came natural to me, so I worked my way up the ranks in the industry devoting almost twenty years to jobs that I loved. I have worked with some of the largest companies in the world and have done some truly amazing things in my career. I crawled my way out of the poverty stricken, abusive childhood recording a true success story each step of the way. Money and possessions were not how I measured my success, but I came to know the finer things in life by teaching myself about culture with style and class. It wasn’t just making six figures before I turn 35 years old, but it was everything about my rise from the ashes of despair. It was making good money, but giving back far more than anyone needed too. It was having such close friends who loved me and with whom I loved and isn’t that the true definition of family. It was finding that one thing I never thought anyone in my family would ever achieve, experiencing true unconditional love that enlightened me. I believed in myself when no one else would. It was having self confidence in who I was, but most of all it was the love I had for myself that had me struggling for so many years. I’ve climbed out of the lowest debts of the gutter and have soared to the highest peaks that most people can ever claim to have reached. I went against the odds and won when no one even dared challenging my picture of success.

However, it took less than a year to destroy it all. I was making decisions for two, when only one was present. I lost everything that meant anything too me and along the way I lost myself in the exchange. I watched it slip away with incredible speed and precision all fostered on the wings of LOVE, but the experience appears to move in slow motion. I collapsed to points far lower than I ever started from and every attempt to claw my way out failed miserably. For more than seven years my life, my world and my dignity have all been meticulously stripped away. The shell that appears before you is but a mirage that can’t seem to get out of its own way allowing what ever is left to struggle back in to existence.

People who use to listen to me professionally won’t even return my calls. I can’t find any job anywhere close to the skills I posses failure mounts on top of each attempt. I can’t even get interviews from the jobs that seem to be at everybody else’s finger tips. All those wonderful things I once purchased have evaporated away as if to taunt me as they left and where once their place was known, they were now treasured never to be seen again. I could bear to loose everything if only I could grab hold of any sliver of hope, but after seven years of searching for any job and finding nothing. I can’t even get out of my own way. There is no pride, no self worth and absolutely no love for me, finding anything resembling life would take a scientist at the current moment. My family has been a constant factor hammering the next nail in to my coffin before the previous one was completely inserted and with no support my floundering dropped me to greater depths than even I could imagine. Friends that once stood by my side have all but been chased away leaving no one to listen to my sad recollections of the once story book life that now marks disgrace and ruin.

I climbed to heights very few ever got an opportunity to reach. I have succeeded at finding points lower than anyone could imagine falling too. I have worked harder during the past seven years than I ever did in my original climb to success. I have had more setbacks than any one person could ever think imaginable and all of this seems unreal to me now. Can life be so cruel and so cold? Yes, it obviously can! One would think coming out from my background with abusive parents and fighting my way out of such a homophobic environment that I would deserve far greater than the Universe is handing me. I always felt we create our own opportunities. In the past when life handed me a bad turn, I flipped it around and made it a great step to tomorrow. So why can’t I do that today? Why can’t I turn this around now? Why is life so determined to destroy everything that has become me?

Why has life forsaken me?

Updated: The 19^th of August 2007

This was the pain I felt less than one year ago and its shadow still shows me what skepticism can really do to a life. I finally found a good company with people who believe in me. I found that within my own heart, I could even start to believe in myself again when all else had failed time and again. I am the person that made a good man of myself once before…and I am doing it better the second time around. The struggle is harder and the walls are more treacherous than I could have imaged them ever being. However, I am making my way out. I will find the heart that beats within this soul again and I promise to never forget what believing in me is like ever again.

Message to Georgia Governor Perdue

In Friday’s weekly radio broadcast “Morning in America” (WGKA radio), Governor Sunny Perdue became excited and told any Iraqi War critics to “Shut Up”.

His comments and the lack of professionalism astounded me because as a career politician, Mr. Perdue knows better than any one that the great state of Georgia has a State Constitution enabling any citizen the right to question his veracity. It not only gives me the rights to question any of our elected officials, but makes it incumbent on those politicians to respond to our concerns.

Governor Perdue should stop running his mouth and listen to the voice of his constituency when they tell him they are tired of having their sons, daughters, husbands, wives and spouses coming home in boxes. Mr. Perdue would be advised to listen when the people tell him that they want our great men and women fighting for our civil liberties to come home safe and sound but most importantly, soon. Mr. Perdue might want to rethink anchoring himself to a President who can’t even define a clear set of objectives for a war many feel should never have been waged in the first place.

So, Governor Perdue I am telling you – Shut Up and Listen to your people before you go the way of President Bush – Out of Office and Out of a Career!

3^rd of September 2006

Does the US Government wish to Re-Define Family Next

Our elected officials across the United States have wasted the past eight years fighting a war, but it has little to do with foreign terrorist and every thing to do with their own form of terrorism. Yes! I wrote that correctly…the United States government with more than two hundred years of fighting for freedom is waging a war against some of its own citizens.

As stated in other bloggs, I am horrified that so much effort has been put in to fighting for basic common rights that the United States Constitution clearly gives every man, woman and child born a citizen in this great country. Our hate-filled officials go as far as to pass laws defining marriage as only the union between a man and a woman to ensure the sanctity of what, nobody really knows. It is funny because more than 80 percent of our elected officials are themselves in their second and third marriages. The audacity to believe after one, two, three or more marriages; they feel they are pious enough to tell the good citizens who they can and cannot love. They openly perpetuate hate and vile with every speech delivered against one last bastion of oppression - Homosexuality.

Where does this tyranny end? Who dictates our next lesson in life as we live the American Dream of a free country? Do we allow the government to start defining who can adopt our poor and destitute children? Some states and politicians have already begun this battle encapsulated within the rights to marry. These same people say one or two loving parents cannot give a stable environment to a child unless those parents are one man and one woman. Who cares that the children only require love and stability. This fact-less argument based on rants from those who believe they know what is best for these children, yet they themselves are not going to adopt or foster care for the scourge they deny a good home too. They argue the depravity of a single mother is bad, but nothing compared to the infraction of giving a child to two mothers or two fathers or even one parent that loves someone of the same sex. As if, heterosexuals are the basis of good parenting skills and love.

What is the next step? Is this government going to pass laws defining a family as a celebration between one man and one woman? If government intervention is immanent, do they forget single parent families or those consummated from illegal acts such as rape? Do we believe the government will stop here, why not censor what is printed and reported? Will they stop there or are we stepping closer too a dictatorship or socialist government.

Let me tell you all about the so-called one man and one-woman families the government wants everyone to have as an example. My mother married my father because he took her out after a betting his High School football buddies that he could score with her on the first date. He was the first male person who ever paid attention to her since her father was imprisoned for molesting her most of her life. She not only fell for the lines he gave her, but also the charm used to slip her out of her dress. Nine months later, they became parents and in the interim, they were married. They had four children together and the only thing that was worst than the physical abuse was the mental cruelty. Three of the four kids left home as soon as humanly possible, me including at the age of seventeen years old.

Our lives were nothing until we left home and even then, the pain and agony caused by years of abuse took many years too resolve. If this is what the government wants for those kids, they are better off in foster care. Loving parents have nothing to do with heterosexual or homosexual inclinations.

We need to stop our government from furthering the pain and agony caused to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender communities. We need to stop using our legal system to spread hate.

Our government needs to teach tolerance and acceptance rather than bigotry and hatred.

Continue this message and make it heard!