Thursday, December 23, 2010
INSPIRATIONAL STORY FOR THE HOLIDAYS
I have written in the past how I feel it is incumbent upon all of us to help those who find themselves without. During this time of year, I think it is even more important that the souls with enough, must take the responsibility to provide for those doing with less or worse; without.
I have also extolled how every year I take what I would spend on myself for a gift and buy toys for needy children that might otherwise go without. This year I researched the Clark Howard and WSB Radio’s Christmas Kids 2010. The recipients of these donated goods are the Georgia Department of Family and Children’s Services (DFCS). While I am unable to find any statistics on the number of orphans managed by DFCS; just a single child is far too many.
It is torturous to wake every day as a young person caught within the DFCS system and not just think that you are a throw-away, but to know it by the system managing your daily needs as opposed to a caring parent or family. Being reminded daily that your mother, your father nor any other relative wanted to keep you, as well as the additional burden that when given a choice for adoption, other children were selected above you. We must take it upon ourselves to erase such stereo-types from the memories of these treasured children who just want to be loved. Every child deserves love and a chance at a life without the burdens and regrets that foster children are normally shackled by.
That is the precipitous in my choice of charities. As I’ve done for the past twenty-two years, I drove to the local WalMart store so that I can save as much money as possible and purchase the greatest number of toys possible. I requested the store manager at the Suwanee WalMart explaining my intentions and how much money I expected to spend with the simple request of a nominal discount. Over the many years I’ve shopped for children, every store manager has given me some type of discount and Sam, the Suwanee store manager, was gracious enough to offer a fifty dollar gift card in assisting my purchasing abilities. Ten percent of what I had reserved to spend was very generous, so I expressed my gratitude while moving towards the toy department.
I obtained several charts and started what most makes me feel like Santa Clause, shopping for children. Sam approached with the front-end manager and delivered introductions. She offered to assist in my selection of goodies, but I love the task and to know each item purchased with the imagination of those receiving it when nothing was expected. I’ve learned over the years to refrain from anything needing batteries and try to balance boy/girl toys while obtaining the greatest range of ages. I’ve done this so many years that I was ready and started on the first isle tracking my expenditures via my iPhone calculator. The front-end manager asked me again if I wanted her assistance but I was also expecting an interview call at any moment (what I call an interview screening call, not with a hiring manager and generally fifteen to twenty minutes long), so I graciously thanked her for her time, but I explained the expected interview call any moment and if she didn’t mind I loved the shopping experience for the children. She left me with instructions on what to do when I was done as she left me to my elf like behavior. As she walked away, she turned again to thank me for what I was doing, while I appreciated her heart-felt sentiments, the only appreciation that matters to me is knowing that each toy puts a smile on the face of a child that might not have received anything for the holidays.
I was in heaven as I filled the two shopping charts with treasures. I tallied right at six hundred and fifty dollars while the interview call seemed to be winding down towards the end of my shopping spree. In all, I spent over an hour hand selecting the toys while explaining my background and loving every moment I multitask-ed (my ego was absolutely being stroked by both actions). Once the call was completed I thought briefly that maybe the good interview was a “Thank You” for my good deed.
The front-end manager and I talked as a clerk rang up the goodies. I was floating on cloud nine as I felt these gifts would make a difference for so many kids this year as the total came in right on point. The funny thing was that the cashier didn’t take my credit card. She did give the receipt to the front-end manager and I was asked which door I would be exiting from. I motioned to my left as she and I walked towards the door. Halfway to the exit and by the time we were at the greeter; I had mentioned that the cashier had not run my card yet as I held it out for the manager to take. That is when the Grinch’s heart grew three times! She stopped me dead in my tracks with her words, “the store manager is donating these gifts today!”
I know my mouth was open and for once in my life I was speechless (and that is a difficult task to achieve). I was already on cloud nine, but wow, I flew even higher with his generosity. My gift to the children became amplified and made so much better than it ever could have been by Sam’s generosity. His kindness is exactly what this time of year is about as many people display acts of selflessly doing for others. I made haste as I drove across town to deliver these twice blessed bundles of joy. My attempt to do well was intensified by Sam’s gift and the only thing I knew to do was to say “Thank You!”
As I delivered the toys to another WalMart, I was able to tell my story to the Regional Manager in hopes that Sam might receive the credit he so rightfully deserved. I went back to Sam’s WalMart several days later and purchased another bundle of toys in hopes that his December numbers might earn him that extra bonus he so warranted. I know that every WalMart store has a budget for charitable donations, but this was my gift to the children of Georgia. Sam and WalMart soared above and beyond anything good I was doing and I must say I was impressed, grateful and have become an even more loyal customer.
I wish to encourage any others to make steps towards giving to those who need. If someone is asking for money, you can buy them food. If a person needs a shower, clothing or a place to lay their head; we don’t have to give money in order to help. We can give from our hearts and most of the time that is far better than cash alone. Find a way that doesn’t harm you and do so regularly. I set out to start a tradition twenty-two years ago. I promised myself that the greatest gift I could receive was that of giving and I always feel blessed within my actions. Teach your children and start a new tradition with your family. When the meaning comes from your heart, it doesn’t matter if it is one gift or hundreds of them; it just matters that you care enough to give.
HAPPY NEW YEARS
Your humble servant – Rev. Todd M Dobson
Monday, November 01, 2010
TOPICS FROM THE NEWS DESK
I have remained quiet over the past six months when numerous topics hit the news desk that I eagerly wanted to share my thoughts about. Some have sent emails asking why I did not write; simply stated, my job had me too busy and focused to offer my opinion. I have taken much time on each of the follow subjects to read the news articles and the bloggers take on these subjects and while many have written on each matter, I still find my voice needing to be heard above the crowded corridors of diverse opinions as I see people unwilling to see the opposite side from their own perspective.
PROPOSITION 8 – CALIFORNIA’S INITIATIVE TO
ELIMINATE GAY/LESBIANS FROM MARRIAGE:
Before I say what is on my mind about the Judge’s ruling on Proposition 8, I must apologize to Judge Vaughn Walker for assuming that by his looks alone he would be a conservative Christian and that he carried with him a verdict already purchased by the fear mongering zealots within the Christian community. These are the same conservatives who have shoved DOMA Bills and Constitutional Amendments down the throats of the American people with fear as the main tool to coerce them into voting for hate over Love and Acceptance. After reading the ruling, I must say that I have not read anything more absolute advancing from the United States judiciary in a very long time.
After the United States Supreme Court allowed corporate America to bring the bribing and purchasing of the political landscape into the open as opposed to the dark corners it was confined to before, I was not hopeful that any Republican run agenda would be honestly rendered upon. The ruling District Chief Judge disseminated wasn’t judicial activism as the conservative Right wishes to portrait it, but it was a precise verdict that represents the sincerity that our founding fathers envisioned when they wrote our constitution. It still perplexes me how so many give into hate and ultimately fear from those who purposely divert and/or misguide their followers. Eventually I have great hope that the average person will start looking at their political and spiritual leaders with open eyes and an inquisitive mind as opposed to blindly following every word they dictate. To find true leaders, we will discover them to be void of pressure tactics such as playing on fear, worries and concerns. A true leader exposes such acts by others for what are: Rhetoric used to control the minds of truly good people.
While some may not like Judge Walker’s ruling, you cannot read it without seeing the symmetry between how he viewed each point and a sincere expression of the truth as mandated by the United States Constitution. I have no doubt that if our Republican guided United States Supreme Court is not bought and paid for a verdict already, that it will validate his ruling thereby destroying this farce of a battle by the Christian Right designed to segregate millions of innocent people for the purposes of money and faith. There is no true faith when it is sold and disseminated with fear for the simple goals of greed and power.
REPEAL OF DON’T ASK DON’T TELL:
Millions of people felt the uneasy hand of politics when then President Bill Clinton compromised on over-turning the ban on gays in the military at the birth of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Before DADT, military personnel did not have a formalized process and had to use other means of victimizing those gay men and women who wanted nothing more than to serve their country. It is HONOR that men and women feel when they are led to serve their country in a non-political way such as a career in the military. While most people have forgotten what HONOR means, there are millions of service members who lead by example every day. For a small percentage of them, their dreams of serving their country is curtailed because of a homophobic boss who can’t stand a gay or lesbian service member to be in their unit showing them constantly how some people can live an honest, sincere life as a soul and not hiding any part of them.
Judge Virginia Phillips issued an extremely past due decision finding the current Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy as unconstitutional to the American Citizens it serves. I was elated that finally a Judge found the balls to tell the United States Government that it was wrong and must stop its homophobic witch hunt. There is no irony that the first Judge to grow a set large enough to render such a decision is a woman. I’ve laughingly said for years that it won’t be the men in this world who deliver us from injustice and segregationism, but rather the women who have the nerve to buy their own balls and strap on a larger set than the men surrounding them. Congratulations and my heart felt “Thank You” go to Judge Virginia Phillips for having the audacity to wear a larger pair right now!
I have been angered by the current Obama administration for his lack of attention and willingness to sweep this issue under the rug. I know exactly what President Obama and the Democratic Party is doing; they don’t want Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to become a Republican battle cry, so they are fighting it to polarize as many conservative voters as possible, but that is cowardice and not true leadership. President Obama, a true leader (and I once thought that you were one and that is why I voted for Change) was the person who stood up to those educating them when they were wrong and fear led their biases into making deplorable decisions; however, your attempts to withdrawal from this issue when the flames are high and can combust taking all who are close with the blast. I understand that you and the Democratic Party are delaying this topic until after the November elections in an attempt to maintain a control over the House and Senate, but a true leader doesn’t play politics with the souls they should be honored to defend. You cheapen yourself and your administration when you play politics with the lives of such admirable people like those gay men and women who serve in our military today.
IMMIGRATION AND THE UNITED STATES:
I am sympathetic with those neighboring cities, towns and villages who are experiencing horrible immigration problems with deadly crimes increasing exponentially over drug wars. The bad souls who carry, sell and deal drugs even if they are immigrant people deserve to be dealt with swiftly and justly given the laws they break. Our government must do a better job at preventing nasty, horrible people from coming into any country in order to sell and distribute their illegal drugs. The problem is that the average illegal immigrant is the father, mother or children who just like our early families seek an opportunity for a better life, a job and the dream that one day their family won’t be living without.
If you have a heart that beats within your chest, you cannot find the efforts of those good people trying to survive and find a place where they can live with the promise of a better tomorrow. It is our compassion that separates us from the apes and while I am empathetic with those in Texas, Arizona, New Mexico and California who find innocent lives decimated by crime, drugs and those who don’t care any longer; however I challenge every American soul to stop giving into fear and judging every Hispanic person because of a small percentage who regardless of ethnicity care little about life. Separate the two issues and find a way to invite law abiding Hispanics seeking a better way of life at their shot of the American dream and push for legislation that deals with the drug dealers, Cartels and those souls killing for an ounce of drugs and the money that buys it.
NOVEMBER POLITICAL ELECTIONS:
I am so tired of Washington D.C. and politics as usual. I pushed to elect President Obama because of the promise of CHANGE, but we started his term off by selling Washington to pay off his debts that got him elected over Hillary Clinton. There were many promises that have yet to be delivered to the American people and while I have supported the bail outs in order to stem the flow of job losses, we have not revoked NAFTA and Corporate America is still shipping thousands of jobs to developing countries like India, Malaysia, Mexico and others. They continue to do so because of the tax credits that make it possible to employ someone and write off what their pay and the office that holds them. We still have record unemployment within the United States, but until our Federal government repeals those tax credits and give credits for companies who invest within this country; we won’t see changes in the loss of work or the enormously high unemployment with climbing poverty amounts. It is our job as a wealthy nation to invest in countries and assist in feeding, clothing and bringing clean drinking water to all around the world. We won’t have the personnel or the taxes to do so when we give tax credits for every job that is shipped over-seas and an increasing number of souls are unable to make a living within our country. We must take care of all of our citizens and then take care of those around the world; but if our country is in such disarray, then we are unable to give to any other. If we have a higher percentage of unemployment than those third world countries we give corporate America credits to hire people from, then we are failing the very souls who pay the taxes to hire in another location. We must change our priority so that building America is job number one in order to make ourselves strong again. Only when we are strong can we help others and we should help all others when our strength returns.
THE COMMON TREAD:
You may agree with my comments or you may not; that is what makes this country so great. I try to live my life by finding LOVE, HONOR & RESPECT for every soul in this world. I don’t have to agree with them in order to respect who they are and why they believe as they do. It can be difficult at times given that some of my writings may seem to slant one way or the other. Just because I believe in one subject as I do does not mean I cannot see the opposite point of view. I pride myself in searching until I can understand my opponent’s perspective. As difficult as it is I also live without judging others. God doesn’t judge me and I am a soul just as every other soul is; here to learn the lessons in this lifetime I agreed to learn. I believe with all of my heart that no one is better than anyone else and no one is less than anyone else; we are all here to learn our lessons and those differ from soul to soul. Given that philosophy on life, if you disagree with me on any subject that is exceptional and I challenge you to find it within your heart to feel the exact same way I do about me and everyone else in this world. I know it is difficult to set aside fear, anger, pain, hurt and ego; but they do not serve us as souls; only us as human beings.
LOVE CAN NEVER BE WRONG ~ LOVE EVERY SOUL
Your humble servant – Rev. Todd M Dobson
Saturday, May 29, 2010
29th of May 2010
WHEN POLITICS FAIL THE CITIZENS IT SERVES
The United States as a whole is abuzz over the House of Representatives repealing the famed Don't Ask Don't Tell policies. This amendment was a back alley deal and one of the loathsome passages by the Clinton Administration where thousands of good men and woman were driven from their careers and life of service. Their service to this country was curtailed by the hate coursing through the veins of their military peers. One of the few things I despised from former President Clinton for allowing such a hideous policy to come about, but the existence of Don't Ask Don't Tell shows the harsh realities from the back side of Washington, D.C...
Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates in making the rounds on Capitol Hill is doing his own bit of stirring while using language that may be called to question his loyalties of our current President Obama. He has come just short of what I fear he wants to do and probably does behind the President's back by speaking ill of a policy that should never have passed. Far too many good soldiers lost their careers, their livelihoods and in the process dignity with some being consumed by the hate and bigotry held by peers in positions of authorities. Worst yet, too many have been imprisoned for crimes of being true to themselves while they serve a country and a government that degrades and renounces them as their defenders and as their citizens.
Mr. Gates uses language such as, "a long, careful review process lay ahead." He uses these words in his sentiments to ease concerns among U.S. troops. That is where I get the most troubled, because our military is a top down do as you're told organization where the soldiers are commanded what to do, what to think and this is the training that our military leaders are so proud of. Our forces are "TRAINED to listen and respond." So why is Mr. Gates so apprehensive? If our forces are so well trained in the arts of listening and obeying, then a change in policy should be espoused by the upper ranks vibrating down cohesion throughout the lines of our glorious men and women now serving. Due to Mr. Gates distress, I think the ones with the greatest issues for policy change might be those leaders reluctant to change their own biases. The same arguments were used against black service members and then again in allowing women to serve in our military. Both segregated groups serve with distinction and honor now; so it begs the question if the old influences were untrue in two previous cases should we perceive the same urgings to be as similarly poor banter by racist leaders who need to leave or tow the policy lines.
What I find most distressing about Mr. Gates' own words: "Every man and woman in uniform is a vitally important part of this review. We need to hear from you and your families so that we can make these judgments in the most informed and effective manner, so please let us know how to do this right!" Were the service members and their families asked before they were sent to Afghanistan, Iraq or any other US military incursion? NO, they were not queried for their opinions or if they cared for the policy this nation or the President of the time deemed appropriate. To add insult to an already belabored point, had the military leadership when faced with accepting, requesting and using black soldiers during WWI and later WWII have used the same tactics of requesting the influences of the men who served then, they would have been regaled with negative responses, slurs, slander and a vehement degradation in such a policy. The service men of that time been given a vote in allowing blacks to serve along side of them could they have acquiesced? No they would not, so why are we asking the ranks suddenly when we know the answer comes on the backs of fear, hate and biases, which can only mean the response from our current military would be NO, we cannot serve with homosexuals!
It comes back Mr. Gates to leadership and a call to duty. During difficult times, the leadership will be entrusted with making dutiful decisions that benefit those currently serving as well as the ranks of our military for tomorrows yet to come. It means set your own personal fears and hatefulness aside for a better cohesion of tomorrow. Find a way to sell to your commanders and the troops at large how and why a change in policy is in evitable, not send the message, "current laws, policies and regulations remain in place, and we're obligated to abide by them as before." In other words, expunge all the fags you can find right now before the law changes so we don't have to deal with them infiltrating our ranks for an uncertain amount of time!
I find your words and call to arms for those in senior roles to be disgusting and harmful to the morale of the current armed forces far greater than a change in policy might ever do. I know men and women who are serving with honors in our military currently as homosexuals. Many who faced the harshness of defending this country in Afghanistan and Iraq who informed their closest friends either during their service or before they were deployed to combat situations. Many leaders know or knew before incursions who among their teams were gay/lesbians, but they needed every body they could hold on too. This point alone shows poor leadership in the face of adversity and this is not a combat situation. Therefore if I were in your unit Mr. Gates, I definitely would not want my life within your hands! Moreover, it shows your cowardice in the face of a change our military already knows how to adapt too. They have done so twice before and learned the second time from the mistakes of the first. The first was accepting men of color within the ranks of the military. The second was allowing women to serve with distinction and honor within our armed forces. There is precedent already in place and for you to disallow it shows you dishonoring those men and women who put on their uniforms every day serving you and me.
I was preparing to write this post as I called upon my representative and two senators asking how they might vote on the issue of repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell. I received some of the most hideous responses on Wednesday when I called upon my elected officials.
I reside in the ultra conservative state of Georgia. A state where local citizens remain steadfast not only in their bigoted and hate filled thoughts, but feel it is their duty to display their biases for all to know. Every third vehicle driving on the roads is a pickup truck and every fifth truck has a rebel flag displayed across the back window, back bumper or even their front tag. I once had a very dear friend try to explain how the rebel flag is a symbol of heritage, but I can only correct that with a heritage of hate and oppression! My elected House of Representative is Mr. John Linder (district R-7) and my two Senators are Mr. Saxby Chambliss (R) and Mr. Johnny Isakson (R). I called each in their Washington offices to query if a vote comes up to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell, how would they vote?
During my phone conversation with Representative Linder's office I was told that he did not support the repeal in the past and the aid responding to my request did not expect him to now. When I pressed for more of a reason why, I was given a song and a dance that made no sense at all. Every statement that he felt was suitable I was either able to counter with a point of reason or ask an even more telling question that amounted to displaying Mr. Linder's following party lines. This weakness does not embody a leader for the constituents he was elected to serve. I was happy to say that my name and email address was taken and I did receive an email Friday from Representative Linder's office expressing their disproval of the passage of the amendment.
What I found to be telling was a statement within that email message to me, "You should know that I voted against the repeal of the Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy. Unfortunately, the amendment passed the House on May 27, 2010, by a 234-194 vote. For the record, gay Americans are already allowed to serve in the U.S. military. The U.S. military, however, was designed for one purpose – to defeat the enemies of the United States – and an environment exists within the military that reflects that mission. As such, certain policies, including "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," have been instituted to protect the lives of individuals whose sexual orientation may, in the eyes of many soldiers, conflict with that ultimate goal. I see no beneficial reason to institute a change that would, in the end, compromise the ability of the men and women in uniform to perform their jobs at the highest level possible. I hope that the Senate will strip this provision from the bill when they consider it in June." In other words, homosexuals may serve their armed forces, but only if they hide their sexual orientation.
Mr. Linder, not one soul can in good conscience serve proudly and with distinction or honor when they are forced to hide from the very men and women they are themselves! It is a dishonor that you say a person may serve their country without fear of reprisals and that was granted in the Don't Ask Don't Tell policies currently in place. However, thousands of service men and women were forced out of the jobs and careers not because they told a soul, but because someone else in a leadership role found what they were hiding and dishonorably discharged them. Many were proud service personnel who would never have given up their commissions, but were forced out by leadership. Other men and women have been sentenced to prison because military leadership investigated that which was unspoken, hidden and cast into the closet for the purpose to allow someone to serve their country with honor. When millions of dollars have been spent by military leaders for the single focus of cleansing the military ranks of sexual deviance identifies a failed policy in Don't Ask Don't Tell. Some of those very cases were prosecuted by presenting how the person being ousted knew of their sexual orientation prior to joining the armed forces and because they lied on their applications, they committed grave offenses to this country and either served time or is currently imprisoned due to the meager opposition to your beloved policy.
I called on Senator Saxby Chambliss' office to ask the same questions. I was informed by the aid in Mr. Chambliss' office that the senator was not inclined to vote for the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. They were more acute to stand firm that the senator would be following the advice of the Secretary of Defense and upon such a time that Mr. Gates deemed it prudent that the current policy does not serve the interest of the military, and then he might follow recommendations from another source. When I pressed harder for a more solidified stance on the current policy, Mr. Chambliss' people said that he agreed with the current policy.
I called on Senator Johnny Isakson's office and was told without any regard that he opposed the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell and would not vote in favor. I raised many issues all of them painting a dismal picture of a politician who himself is racist, bigoted and only listens to those groups large enough to sway his election into office and thereby he would never stand on the laurels of Righteousness for all the citizens he swore an oath to represent.
Mr. Isakson is not the lone bastard of depraved indifference when it comes to standing for what is right and against the masses. He, like his two brother politicians (Mr. Chamliss and Mr. Linder) are either gutless in my opinion or they are just as racist, bigoted and hateful as the majority of those forming a preponderance among their constituents. None of the three elected officials have any real leadership abilities when it comes to difficult issues. A true leader understand that in the face of a majority that wishes to oppress any group of citizens within this country, you must stand against the tide by educating the masses of their mistakes or the dogma they hold within their individual hearts. Remembering that politics and religious views must be separated as per the constitution that each man swore to uphold and defend even if that means doing so against the very people who voted you into office. A leader who deserves the very honor that Don't Ask Don't Tell strips away from the men and women it has been used to club since it was passed in 1994.
It is shameful that not one of the three so called leaders in the State of Georgia would even defend the concept that repealing this flawed bill served. That tells me and should tell every citizen these three political pundits signifies they are in Washington not for the highest and greatest good for all the people they are elected to serve; but rather for the small majorities within their election areas as well as their own person gains. It is disgusting in my opinion that any elected official will not represent diligently all of the citizens they are elected to serve. None of these three men feel they are accountable to anyone other than their majority Christian voters who are the very people that a true leader needs to be educating with facts and not personal biases. While you are to serve the needs of your Christian constituency, you must also answer to the remainder of the citizens you represent. To me and the many gay men and women you owe more than lip service to why you continue to reek of hatred while refusing to support us as equal citizens.
While my words against these four men are harsh, it is more due to the lack of empathy or even that not one person in any of their offices felt the need to listen to a voice against their stance. The mind of each elected official had already been made up without regard for those constituents standing in opposition to their own official. It is shameful to be marginalized by those who you either voted for or must be represented by. Religion has spent vast sums of money on this last vestige of hate that they all hold dear to their hearts. I along with many others have argued successfully against the Literal Interpretations of the Bible and other religious books that are used like clubs against all who won't assimilate into the ranks of Christianity (or similar minded religions). However, I remain firm in my stance that I can respect a man who opposes me as long as he does so with acceptance of me. So when the United States Constitution grants me the same rights as a gay man as all other citizens of this nation, but yet I am subjugated to second class citizenship by those who wish to rewrite what does not serve the hatred flowing within them…no, that is when I stand and defend. Mr. Chambliss, Mr. Isakson and Mr. Linder all cow-tow to the majority of their voter base without regard for the citizens they segregate with laws such as Don't Ask Don't Tell. While I may have respect for the difficulties of being in political office, I do not have value for these three men. I will however grant them one of the many things they deny me; Love, Honor and Respect.
It is with that Love, Honor and Respect that in the time of their next election, I will become politically active in finding a leader who will represent all of the citizens they are elected to serve without bias. For the failures these four men cannot see that they commit, I request that you not judge them with dishonor, but understand and have compassion for the fact that they must still learn lessons on how to LOVE all of mankind. They have yet to discover how to release hate and therefore they must return to the process of learning until they can find it within themselves to accept and love all who surround them.
LOVE, HONOR & RESPECT ALL MANKIND,
FOR WE ARE ALL ONE
Your humble servant – Rev. Todd M Dobson
Thursday, April 29, 2010
24th of April 2010
KNOWLEDGE FOR HUMANITY
There are certain principles that I teach which remain legitimate whether you agree with them or not. Many might see these values as either spiritual versus Christian or any other theosophical beliefs; however they are not one in challenge of any other. These principles transcend all theosophical and ideological values. There are many different ideologies and theosophical viewpoints within this world. I support all of them, because in the life of the average person, faith brings about a means of consistency no matter what challenges that soul may face. I have always believed that no one religion is better than any other. They are all different and for that reason, they speak to the hearts and minds of those souls who believe in them.
There is certain wisdom about this world that others like me discern, we are not special, and we are souls on our journeys just as you are a sentient being traversing your path. It won’t matter if your ideology differs from what you read, because what is written here is factual for all of humanity. We can deny those essentials, but that won’t make that acumen any less true, it just means we disagree. If you doubt what you read; then I challenge you to seek your own answers or your truth by searching deep within your heart and your soul. Get to that place of centeredness and ask yourself if this information is true. You will receive your answers, in your own way and within your own time.
Religion is not without its place within our society, but we place too much trust contained by theosophical ideologies rather than assurances within ourselves. We are the temple; we individually are all that we ever need. It is “I” who moves the mountains, fishes from all of the waters and provides all that we will ever need. It was enlightening to hear, “I am Jesus, and we all are Jesus. I am Mohamed, we are all Mohamed. I am Buddha, we are all Buddha. I am the Mother Mary; we are all the Mother Mary. I am God, we are all God!” The point behind this message is that we each are all that we will ever need in this world. Learn to trust yourself. Have faith first within YOU, before you place it within another soul or belief! When we come from a place of self love, self respect and self awareness; there will never be any obstacle that we cannot overcome.
There are certain constructs about this world that are true today and will remain true tomorrow as they were true yesterday. There are souls among us who have been here many times before. There are souls that have traversed this world several times and there are new souls among us for the first time. Regardless of the number of times we have experienced life, we will come back. Some religions won’t teach reincarnation while others have different viewpoints about it; but our soul comes here to live life and to learn lessons. This is the purpose of life and the reason we live is that our soul learns more while it interacts with other souls as opposed to just learning within the next dimension. On this point I disagree with The Dali Lama who said that the purpose of life (originally he responds that he does not know) but he went on to say that it is to exist. While I fully understand where the Dali Lama’s perceptions derives, it is our existence and original intent to come here to learn lessons that will elevate us to a higher consciousness or to teach those seeking that wisdom they must discover.
Before our soul is born within a physical form, we are shown the life we will live (a life preview). We see the lessons we must learn and those we must teach. We agree to the life we are to live and thereby agree in the form of a contract to learn and teach the lessons within it. We then choose the family we will be born into, thereby selecting in most cases those souls that we know and trust because we have experienced life with them before. When you wonder why you are in the family that you’re surrounded by, remember that you chose them!
With this being understood, it will never detract from the greatest gift each sentient soul has been granted – FREE WILL! During the life we agree to live, we may choose to remain on the path laid before us. We may also choose to dawn our own journey. Free Will is a masterful concept that we select at any time during our passage. To that end, we may lose ourselves within a lesson, never finding our way back to the path we originally walked. This may be done as the villain, the champion, the martyr or even the victim. As amazing as Free Will is, it may also be the trap that ensnares a soul for the remainder of their lifetime never seemingly allowing that soul to return to the journey they once agreed to pass through.
Every soul steps through their own journey learning their own set of lessons that will differ from every other soul on this planet. I may be learning something you grasped many lifetimes before, whereas you may be introduced to something by me because I gleaned it prior to now. There is no mistake in the souls we encounter or that encounter us. The correct souls come before us when they are ready to learn what we are prepared teach and vice versa. The most important thing for us to understand about lessons is that what some of us may take great offense by, may actually be an important lesson another soul must learn. What I mean by this: EXAMPLE ONLY: that a woman may need to learn a lesson about grief, love or the consequences of choices made in haste. All of which are valuable teachings that must be cherished at some point during life. That training may need to be taught to this person via the decision about abortion. Many readers were just enraged with even the prospect of such a thought; however it is not for us to decide who will learn what lessons or how they must do so. Understanding the balance within life is a far greater task than trying to control what we wish to occur or not. I am always a proponent for life and the living; however, I know that the soul agrees to the lesson being taught, even if they are the means of teaching it. If a soul is to be lost to the ones having it, that soul knows and understands their role within the lesson being taught and thereby agrees to perform their responsibility. That may be in the role of aborted fetus, miscarriage, born and lost shortly thereafter or so on. It is important for us to understand that every soul knows and comprehend their role within the life they accept and agree too, regardless of how long, how short, how arduous, how easy or with regard to the lessons learned or taught.
Given that some lessons are taught through means of pain, loss, deception and even harm; those are the lessons that are the most impactful. There are many harsh lessons that we must learn and some come about in dubious ways. It is important to appreciate that no matter how good intentioned we are in life; we will also be the teacher in some of those harsh lessons. Always keep your head and your heart about you as you discover those teachings that hurt us the most.
Each of us must recognize that this world has a perfect balance within it of good and bad, light and dark. During our daily rituals we face many decisions and our choices are influenced by light or darkness. Likewise, those lessons must be decided upon if we are going to learn them or are we choosing free will and thereby taking a different direction. The influences that surround us are many in a solitary existence; but in our times of instant gratification, the modern niceties that make our reality far more manageable come with a price and that may be what influences us the most. It is imperative that as this life marches forward you find some means of trusting yourself and identifying the influences that surround you. Some may meditate on important decisions while others think little about them. Either way, you are your greatest source of focus. Once you are confident, focused and loved by you; feeling the light or dark influences will be far easier. The key will always remain in your faith within YOU! There are other post that I’ve written that will tell you how to ground yourself and protect yourself from other influences and how to better identify the light and darkness within you. I will always tell every soul that grounding and protection is essential for you and your loved ones, but it must always be done from the perspective of YOU and not against darkness or negativity. I ground myself for me and I protect myself for me!
The loss of a loved one will always be a difficult issue for us to witness. I have written before on the process of living and drying and what happens when we cross over. The process of grieving will always remains unique to the soul who is experiencing the loss. We must love and support that soul as they grieve. Others have informed me how accepting what happens with every soul that leaves this earthly realm has helped them through the grieving process. It has also changed their perspective about living as well as what to do once they themselves pass. The soul that has crossed over watches over those persons they loved while they were in physical shape; however they do so as an energetic form from the next dimension. I implore you to comprehend that the death of a person is not an ending, but rather a transition to an energetic beginning and while the existence changes, it remains constant.
I wrote earlier that our soul traverses this world many times. Because this is not a singular existence and our soul will return again, it seems to diminish the harshness we felt before about the passing of loved ones. I believe once you understand this constructs, that the next principle worried about is where our soul goes (heaven or hell). Our soul ascends to the next dimension when passing from this earthly realm. We go through a life review and as our soul adapts to the new existence without the requirements of a body. The next place is of pure energy and love, so the requirements of a body or physical form no longer is essential to existence. The body provides the energy that our soul needs while it lives on the earthly plane. It takes nine months for our soul to adjust from the energetic realm as our physical body grows around it within the womb of our mother. We decide or we agree when requested to return to a living form and therefore born into a lifetime. The nine months the soul spends inside the female uterus it is acclimating to a change from its energetic existence to the one we require on the earthly realm or inside our physical form. It takes that time for that new source of energy - our physical body to grow around the soul.
Every soul in living form has abilities (Extra Sensory Perceptions (ESP), Intuition, Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, Clairsentience, Clairalience, Claircognizance, Clairgustance, Medium and/or Channel) that we come into the earthly realm with. Most of us lose some to all of our abilities as we grow from new born into infancy and then into childhood. The most interesting reading that I’ve ever done was on a baby who was five months old. With the permission of her parents, I was given the most amazing gift of seeing and understanding that every soul is placed within the womb at conception fully initialized with all knowledge of its past lives along with complete abilities that are used to correspond in place of our physical forms of communication.
It is not unusual for a parent to enter a nursery observing their infant while he or she stares into a corner of the room that has nothing that will attract the child’s eye, but they seem to be engaged when their parent steps up to the crib. Even a child of several years old may randomly say something like I saw this person or that person that you know to have already passed. The child isn’t lying; rather they probably have been visited by many ancestors that are watching over the child in a show of their continued love and support. Even if the person who has crossed over never met the baby in living form, it does not remove familiar or past life ties. Parents need to be more accepting and know what questions to ask when a child mentions an invisible playmate or fear of the dark. In many cases and depending on the age of the child, their friend might just be a soul that has crossed over who is watching over and protecting the child. Likewise a child’s invisible friend may also be a dark or negative energy and therefore parents need to ask questions to ascertain a description of the aberration, the feeling and what your child thinks their friend is about.
I must warn parents because many of my colleges and I recognize that countless of your children are not shutting down their abilities as they’re unintentionally taught. Even if you don’t believe in what I write, but find that your child has abilities, don’t try to shut them off. Help your children cultivate their abilities and let them mature as your child does. It will cause problems if you force or demean something that your child knows to be a natural part of their existence because a human person cannot completely turn off that which is meant to be a part of their life. We will find greater numbers of people living among us with abilities and we must adapt to this and many other changes within our world.
Every sentient being that inhabits this earth is inter-connected with everything on and inside this planet. Our differences matter little to the energetic bonds that unite each of us with everything surrounding us. If you think for a second that you are not connected with your neighbor and looking after them is not as important as looking after yourself; then you are living within an egotistic life. We must start changing how we think about everything and everyone surrounding us. We must care as much about the people we dislike as we do for our needs and the necessities of those we love. When we harm the person next to us, we harm ourselves. It goes back to the statement that was given before: “I am Jesus, and we all are Jesus. I am Mohamed, we are all Mohamed. I am Buddha, we are all Buddha. I am the Mother Mary; we are all the Mother Mary. I am God, we are all God!” If we are the air that we breath, if we are the water that we drink and the food that we eat; why then are we not our neighbor, our friends and even the ones we dislike?
The world will only ever find PEACE and LOVE when we know and trust that we are all united as one. When how my fellow human beings feel and think is as important as how I feel and think…and no one is better than the other; that is when we start to find true balance among this world. Think about living in a place where you not only know your neighbors, but can trust and believe that they love you as much as you love them. When the knowing of another soul is secondary to loving them; that is when this world will see and feel true tranquility and share in a love that is unimaginable right now.
There are many souls among us that have been touting the effects of EGO. There is much to be said about ego and how society as a whole is lost within the grip of it. It is only mentioned here for a couple of points that must be digested by the average person. As with everything in life, there is a balance on the earthly plane. Ego is the source that tells you that we are in a constant state of competition with everyone around you. Ego is that drive telling you to be better than all of your co-workers, better than your siblings, better than your friends and even better than your parents. Ego is what places the value of your REPUTATION above living life to the fullest. When what others think about you is more important than you living a fulfilled life that accomplishes your destiny; that is Ego driving you in the wrong direction. Ego is that push to have all of the latest and greatest toys. You buy the latest car that the neighbors and or work colleges enjoy or envy because of ego, not based on needs. Ego is our thirst to be better than our parents and siblings or at least appear to be better than they are. Ego is the source of our desires as well as our insatiable and unquenchable thirst. You should struggle to maintain a healthy balance with ego by not allowing life to be lived in a constant state of ME, ME, ME!!!
Ego is also our protector and that craving to survive and live. It is that part of the scared boy that struggles to maintain living in the midst of great oppression and abuse. Ego is that part propelling the physical body beyond its limits allowing its host to live another day. Anything that is strong enough to survive the greatest physical pain also has the ability to thrust you beyond your limits of rational behavior, desires and needs. Find your balance and maintain ego. Everything in life may be good in moderation. Wake each morning not thinking about what I have to accomplish, how do I out do my co-worker to shine and get that promotion, but rather asking the questions; how do I help this person, who needs my assistance, my talents and how may I affect a life for the better based on my talents? When your first thoughts are of others as opposed to yourself, that is a life lived with a balance of ego.
Your humbler servant – Todd M Dobson
Monday, March 15, 2010
The 15th of March 2010
THE LOSS OF A GREAT FRIEND AND LOVED ONE
04/23/1996 – 03/15/2010
Hind sight is always far more clear than it was during the moment and as the old saying goes, it is always 20/20 vision. Looking back on the day that Murphy joined my life seems to be crystal clear, except for knowing who chose whom.
The person I was dating during that point in my life brought up that he wanted a dog. I traveled for work, mostly regionally, but a dog was taking on a great deal of responsibility. I had entertained the thought numerous times prior to the request, but felt my time away would be unfair to the dog and I wasn't absolutely sure I could take care of another being. Hell, at times I wasn't sure I was taking such wonderful care of myself, so how was I be responsible for a dog?
I was in between both sides of this argument, but I had agreed to a dog. After playing the nagging mother over what taking care of a dog would mean, I acquiesced and we were in search of a companion. We had discussed a Chocolate Lab, Black Lab or something of that kind and he scoured the local papers every weekend until he found a female black lab at the Boston Animal Rescue Center on Tremont waiting for adoption. We rushed from Dorchester, (the southern and largest part of Boston City) to the Southend of Boston in hopes to find a beautiful black lady waiting to come home with us, but a family had just adopted her. We walked around looking inside the cages at the other dogs and cats that were posing, barking, giving their best "take me home" looks and then there was Murphy.
She sat in an oversized cage shivering as she looked up at me with those beautiful brown eyes. I was standing in front of her cage when I kept hearing my name excitedly from two gates up from me where a 350 pound Rottweiler sat. He was handsome and in a seated position he came up to almost my shoulders. He was a miniature horse and my boyfriend was all about the Rottie. I kept telling him "No……we can't!!!! He won't fit in the apartment! We would have to get rid of the sofa…..hell we'd have to get rid of all the furniture just for him to move around the apartment and my place was huge." I motioned for my boyfriend to come down the two gates and look at the beautiful rust colored lady that was quiet and just looking for someone to notice her as she shivered.
We stood in front of the cage that held Murphy and even though there were signs telling me, "Do Not Open the Cages without Supervision," I was compelled to sit with her. I didn't know if she would charge out like the little ball that shattered all the glass in the movie, The Men in Black, I opened the cage to let her come out to me. She very gently and with such grace stepped up to me as I sat with my legs crossed in the middle of the concrete floor. This tender lady stepped into my lap and circled it once as she lay on top of my legs right there on the floor. I was amazed by her and just as I was moving my gaze from her to Paul and back to her; she lifted her head and licked my left cheek and then curled into a tight ball and fell asleep on my lap. I could do little more than stroke her soft fur as I felt her heart beating against my leg.
I was hooked, but I still had my doubts about the youthfulness of my companion or my ability to care for her myself. I suggested that we walk around the corner on Tremont Street to a New York style pizza place and grab a couple slices while we discussed this further.
I couldn't get this sense out of my mind that somehow this dog already knew me and that we were supposed to be together…or something. We ate and we agreed to get her so we made our way back to the animal shelter. We brought her out of the cage, this time with supervisory assistance, and I was in the process of paying the fees while my partner played with her on the floor. I asked, "What do we call her?" With very little hesitation and with confidence, he said, "Murphy!" I turned from the lady behind the counter and watched the two of them playing and somehow it fit her. In this odd, Murphy Brown sort of way, I already knew this little girl had character to her and the name just fit. So Murphy became a part of the family that day.
We were told that she had been abandoned on the streets of Boston and that we would have to teach her that we were not abandoning her. The lady behind the counter was joined by a large man and a smaller framed man both with smiles across their faces. The lady proceeded to tell me that a little girl used to leave food for her in one of the small neighborhood parks and Murphy would come by every day, jump the fence to get into the park and eat the food. The larger guy said he tried to catch her several times by himself, but she was too fast and agile for one person. He tried nets and the bar, but she wouldn't let him get close to her, she was gone each and every time. That is how they knew she had been abandoned for two months, because they were trying to catch her for that long. I had to laugh at the imagining this big guy and several other similar sized dog catchers trying to corner this beautiful little girl and she would out maneuver them. They laughed as they told how it took three nets and five guys to finally trap her and bring her in. I would have paid money to watch them trying to corner her and not lay a finger on her.
Several days later we were able to bring Murphy home. I had purchased a crate (which my roommate affectionately named the HOUSIE). I had food, dishes, collar, leash; treats, toys and everything else we would need to spoil her rotten. We got her home and I had the bright ideal to start teaching her we would always come back and to start eliminating any separation anxieties she might have. I had a large fence enclosed back yard that was about four foot tall so we closed her into the back yard and was walking up the side of the house when I hear a clag from the gate. As I turn expecting to see Murphy standing against the gate but inside the fence, there she was walking beside me looking up while I was looking down. Hhuummm….I thought I was smarter than she was and kidded myself into thinking I was Alpha-Dog, so I attached the leash to the collar and we went to the opposite side of the yard from the gate and I tied her to the pole of the fence. I was walking back to the gate with a smile on my face thinking, let's see her get out of that and before I knew it; the clag of the gate was her swooshing over it like a gazelle as she again was looking up at me with wonderment. Damn dog bit through an expensive rope leash in a blink of an eye and she barely even touched the top of the gate as she jumped over it with grace like it was nothing! This should have been the point I knew she was the right dog for me, because only a smartass dog could train the master as she so affectionately did over the next several years.
It didn't take long before we figured out that Murphy had been abused as a puppy. We didn't really know how old she was, but they estimated her age between twelve and eighteen months. We would wrestle on the ground and I would be on my hands and knees as she would go around me and over me and wiggle out from under me like Houdini. The best was the first time we were playing and she was behind me and suddenly I felt front two paws and instantly two back paws while she jumped over me and then whip around and crouch down just like me as she faced me waging that tail. She was so fast and agile that I could see why it took three nets and five dog catchers to trap little girl…she was an escape artist. She had been with us several months and we were playing when suddenly my hands were in a position that must have been like another man striking her and she just cowered, shivered and curled into a tight little ball and then inside her crate she remained.
I was struck by what had just happened and it went by so quickly that it took me a few minutes to figure out what was happening with her. It took me over an hour to get her back out of her crate and from then on she and I had something big in common with each other. I understood something about her that few people can truly acknowledge and it broke my heart to think that some guy beat this precious little dog. She was so affectionate and loving and the one who fell the hardest was my roommate. Jamie said in advance of us getting a dog that he would have nothing to do with her. I understood his concerns, but she had him wrapped around her little paws within two months. She would sleep that first six months or close to a year in the kitchen in her crate and when my roommate got home from work or the clubs, he would let her out. Before long a routine immerged where Jamie would let her out and make himself a little snack (in his words….a little snackie). He would fall asleep in his bedroom or on the sofa with leftover food and Murphy would clean up his messes…along with the dishes. Later when she would sleep in a bed in my bedroom, my roommate would come get her out and she would scamper out behind him knowing this was the 2 AM feeding time. My roommate was the only person who Murphy would allow to bear hug her and he would fall asleep doing it. I would get up in the morning only to find Murphy under the covers in his bed with him, but in this tight bear hug that he would have her in all night long. I would stand at the door and try not to laugh as I watched her wiggle her way out of his grip without waking him.
I've seen this dog do some of the most amazing things that I've ever seen any dog do. She pivoted herself and a puppy around her keeping herself between the puppy and a larger dog that she obviously felt was not good for the puppy. I watched as she protected an infant baby from a man that she absolutely did not like as he started getting to what she thought was too close. I watched her jump between me and someone who was bent on doing me harm. And most moving of all were the years that I drowned myself in depression and sorrow, she would come over to me and lay with her head on my lap as I cried myself too many lost days and nights after the loss of a relationship. Murphy wasn't just a pet; she was an extension of who I am as a person. Friends use to tell me that they knew my mood based on how Murphy. There was never a friend as great as Murphy was too me. She knew everything there was to know about me. She covered up the skeletons when I didn't want them displayed…and when it was time to write my troubles away, she drug the damn things out of the closet too. She was the greatest joy always to be around and it was funny, but when I would be working non-stop, she would come over and curl her paw around my arm or hands as she would somehow pull m from the keyboard and the computer….I mean literally dragging me away. As fast as squirrels are, she caught two, not to mention that when we lived in Boston, she killed at least one skunk every fall. The most she killed was three, but the worst was at my going away party in Boston with about a hundred guests still in the house. She was my joy for so many years, my confidant when I didn't have any others, my friend and my heartbeat.
The highest praise I can lay at her paws is that she was diagnosed with a very pronounced heart murmur and congestive heart failure in November of 2007. The veterinarian wanted me to put her down right then, but she was always like the energizer bunny and filled with energy and still kicking Jake's (the other dog in our family) butt when he got out of line….which is often. I couldn't put her down then and am so glad I didn't listen to him. She would play with Jake every day and run all over the yard and yes, when it rained or she wasn't feeling her bouncy self, she would cough from the fluids that were building in her lungs. I've struggled since her prognoses, would I know when the right time would be. She kept giving Jakie hell, so I kept figuring it wasn't now. I only hope and pray I didn't wait too long and equally that I didn't take her from this world too soon. She personified UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and gave it to me every day. I took her for her last car ride today and while her tail was not wagging as usual, it wasn't curled under her like it has been the many months close by.
Murphy, I was graced with such beauty in your company and I can only thank God for you in my life! When the tears dry, I'm sure I will long for your embrace in another time and place. With all my heart, I LOVE YOU!
Your humbled servant – Todd M Dobson
Thursday, March 11, 2010
10th of March 2010
FREE YOURSELF WITH FORGIVENESS
I have two completely different scenarios with similar endings that press the exact same points about FORGIVENESS. Most souls among us do not understand how freeing it is to let go of the pain giving way to forgiveness. We have never learned how to properly forgive others when they have transgressed against us. The saddest part of that lesson we refute is that once we understand how to truly forgive others, we may even have the compassion to forgive ourselves!
My last boyfriend and I were recently pushed back in contact with one another. It has been eight years since we last saw the other and I was floored when a respected friend and college told me, "You're Ex is the key to you going back to work!" I was told that I needed to call him and that while he was over our relationship and devoid of any resentments, he still harbored guilt over something that she did not understand.
I told none of our mutual friends out of respect not to tarnish his name to them that in the last eighteen months of our relationship, I purchased a condominium for the two of us in Montreal, Québec, Canada. It was originally supposed to be a getaway place, but with the downturn of the economy in 2001, we had to look for alternatives in hopes of remaining a couple. He was more aware of the economic slides and saw the effects it would have on his working in the United States with a visa while I remained lost in the love that was once us. I never saw us apart nor did I expect that we would ever separate until the end of our perspective lives. However, my boyfriend was already working on his exit strategy from our relationship and gleaning what trinkets he might carry with him during the process. That included the condominium that I paid for that he placed within his name, but also in the name of his brother to keep me from taking it back. Before I could realize what was happening, he absconded as much that he could get me to pay for.
I was deceived and manipulated by the one I loved with all my heart. That, more than the loss of the money, took me years to resolve. The deception wasn't something slight, but very methodically done to give him a home for himself in Canada that I paid to put him in. To make matters worse, he brought his brother into his dishonesty to ensure I couldn't or wouldn't go after it. He did the same for the car he drove in Canada and we're not speaking about the car in Boston, the trips I paid for, the clothing I bought or even the watch so prevalently displayed in his FaceBook picture (LOL). In total, I calculated more than $86,000 reasons for him to feel guilty.
I was not exactly thrilled to hear the news that stopped me mid breath. It took me a couple of days to wrap my head around what I was being instructed to do and to understand why I would be told to contact a man that made it abundantly clear he could never speak with me again (selfish of him to neglect communications because he can't face what he has done). Originally, I was told that he would get me a professional job (technology project manager) and my response was; if he assist in me going back to work, that won't have anything to do with the money he owes me. I was swiftly corrected – that is exactly what it means! It took me a day or two longer to digest the latest information and be able to truly understand that this was a means for him to forgive himself once in for all.
I try to help so many other souls open themselves spiritually that when a situation faced me that wasn't logical, but rather spiritual, I was annoyed at how slow I was to recognize the signs. I've explained to those who believe and those who don't; the wheel of Karma ceases to spin at the end of this lifetime. That means that no soul can carry forward any existing or past contracts or debts and everything must be paid in full before leaving this world. The fraud perpetrated upon me by someone I loved was him signing an energetic contract between him and me. This was the perfect opportunity for him to erase that contract without paying for anything while it was putting me back to work professionally. I'm good at what I do professionally and I love working, so I picked up the phone and called my Ex.
For weeks I've tried to communicate with him and explain what is expected of him and how it sets him free from me forever, but he still refuses to actually have a conversation. I've sent emails and voice messages only to be ignored through his fear to accept the actions he so diabolically deployed against me. The point I hate the most, is that he is not failing me, but rather he is failing himself. The good that is happening to him is deserved and he has worked hard over the past eight years to build a better life for himself. He is in a position to hire me or refer me for a job, and yet he would tempt fate because of his own inability to forgive himself. I forgave him years ago and while forgiveness does not excuse the debt he owes; I let go of the pain and sorrow. His inability to let go of his own actions expresses exactly how methodical he planned his deception. If he were truly able to forgive himself, it would be easy for him to have accepted the terms drawn up by outside sources that neither ties him to me or me to him.
I have many friends throughout MySpace and FaceBook and I speak with most of them. There are several that over the years I have gotten to know closely. This friend is one that I've become very familiar with. In the process of getting closer, we have shared many intimate details of ourselves with the other. He is straight or maybe bi-sexual, but comes from a large family with a father who is a preacher. The children of religious leaders can find it particularly difficult to create their own sense of self. It is too arduous to walk so perfectly the path laid out by their parents and live the example of a life that in most cases their parents can't even maintain. They are either so perfect that outwardly the only environment they fit in is the church itself, but inwardly they are ripped apart with the thoughts rambling about in their own heads. Duality in living becomes a constant companion to the children of religious leaders and their parents can't fathom the damages caused with expectations of perfection without any forgiveness.
This friend I fear will not find peace within his own life because he can't ever let himself be fully free from the binds of his family, the church, God or even from himself. He lives in fear that his very presence degrades the perfect family image or the sanctity of the church. Living any life with duality takes a toll on a person. When you fear discovery from your own existence and who you really are as an individual, it adds such difficulties to the life that you end up living cloistered away from it all. It feels like you live a lie and yet, you would do anything to ensure the image of the family is never tarnished…even at the risk to your own life.
My friend has thoughts he can't express, not even to himself. The fear that an ailing mom or preacher dad or any of the numerous siblings might actually find out what he hides within his own mind is worse than death. That is why during the last holiday season after I left a comment that could be construed as suggestive; his response was hyper sensitive by him deleting my profile and friendship. When some of his siblings questioned the comment and my homosexuality, the fear that they might know anything secretive about him moved him expeditiously to separate me from them in hopes to keep his narrow minded family from looking any deeper than the surface.
His dissociative behavior is almost textbook and his life seems aimless, like he can't put anything together. He has low to no self esteem. These are the life patterns of someone who was raised by abusive parents, and yet his are loving and caring Christians. I was called eventually and kept hearing how sorry he was and how he regretted his hasty actions. Upon explaining how he needed to accept responsibility for his own actions, we continued our online friendship. It has not found its way back to the way that it was before and I am constantly barraged with apathy from someone who just wishes to be understood.
I've tried to tell him that he need not apologize and he does not require my forgiveness; neither are necessary for his actions did not warrant them. He is so confused and turned around inside out that he cannot even begin to allow himself to be just exactly who he is. He cannot forgive himself for what he feels may be the toxins within him when the only thing that is toxic is the self judgments and those family members who would dare to judge. I can only hope and pray that some day he might be honest and sincere with himself regardless of family or church. Anyone that truly and unconditionally loves another soul should want them to be exactly who they were born to be and nothing less.
In both scenarios neither man can grant forgiveness to themselves because neither of them will take the time to see the skeletons within their closets for what they truly are. Before we forgive ourselves, we must acknowledge our role and accept what we've done to another soul. That within itself will open many doors allowing the stale air of injustice to move out so that a fresh perspective may usher forward true, unbinding forgiveness. We will do things that hurt other souls while we traverse our lives on earth. It is inevitable that our actions will not always be in the best interest of others. When these events occur, we owe it to ourselves as well as those souls we harmed to forgive ourselves and then request forgiveness from them. The prior acts will give confidence and self acceptance for the latter to occur.
When we honor ourselves in the process of forgiving, we find it within our own hearts to LOVE, HONOR & RESPECT who we are as people and who we are evolving to be. We also identify those we harmed as we learned the lessons we agreed to learn upon our birth. It takes courage to set yourself free from the shackles and bindings of our past actions. Courage that will add self confidence as it starts stripping away at the darkness surrounding you. The lack of forgiveness is to enshroud one's self within darkness as you defile who you are meant to be. Learn forgiveness and learn to set yourself free!
Your humbled servant – Todd M Dobson