Huckabee's Double Standards

6th of January 2008

Huckabee’s Double Standards

If you visit the Mike Huckabee Presidential web site (www.mikehuckabee.com), you see in the upper right corner the tag line “FAITH.FAMILY.FREEDOM”. In multiple speeches given in New Hampshire, Huckabee made references to our founding fathers and the notions of liberty and freedoms.

Huckabee needs to focus more on the issues that need solutions rather than bringing up the legacy set forth by our founding fathers. While I’m sure none of our founding fathers had to worry about homosexuality as an issue, however, I feel strongly that they would have dealt with it in far more positive manner than Mike Huckabee. As for Huckabee claiming that he stands for Freedom and Liberty, it goes to shows the extent a politician will lie in order to say the right buzz words.

Words have meanings that need to be utilized as they were intended for use. As I look in my trusty Webster Dictionary; the word liberty is defined as: “freedom from external or foreign rule; independence”. Mr. Huckabee, please explain to me how you saying that homosexuals are abhorrent expresses your view of gays and lesbians liberties. How when you take the oath of office to represent all United States citizens will you protect my liberties and freedoms as you swear on a Bible to do so? Please explain the dichotomy between what you are saying about homosexuals and what you mean when you express the rights to liberty that all Americans are granted by the Bill of Rights and the Constitution of the United States? Either you are lying to the citizens when you say you are a candidate who supports the rights of the people, or are you lying when a book your wrote as well as speeches you’ve given place homosexuals to the status of second class citizens. Who else is less than you in that quest for liberty? What other group won’t measure up and will feel your wrath if you were to achieve the office you seek?

Our second word that Huckabee seems to have forgotten its meaning is freedom: exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc. How am I free with you running this country? How do I stand a chance to live a life with the same freedoms that my neighbors, my family members or any heterosexual counterparts receive instantly in your eyes? How are my needs being met when you state openly that I am in the same company as pedophilia, sadomasochism and necrophilia? How do I feel the force of freedom when you tell GQ “that “civilization” may not survive if “what marriage and family means” is “rewritten” to allow gay marriage”? Please explain your definition of the word Freedom and what it means to you so that I and the rest of the United States knows what you mean, because right now I have an absolute sense that under your administration I have no freedoms as a gay man.

Huckabee states that he is a Religious man, yet that is a very ambiguous argument. So how would Huckabee answer the question “What would Jesus do if he stood in front of me? Would he deny my rights, my liberties and my freedoms? Does Huckabee touting his Religious background say that he himself is GOD and gets to choose my role in society? I am eager to know how Huckabee explains that Jesus said on several occasions how religion and politics should be separated and during his time fervently refrained from making political statements. If we must remember that it was the theological leaders who pushed for the death of Jesus Christ. Where would Huckabee have stood during the time Jesus Christ was crucified, because based on his positions and his need to be in the middle of the majority, he would have been right there in the midst with the other religious leaders asking for Jesus to die!

We need a President that will unite all of the many people who claim this great nation as home. We desperately need a leader who will take up the difficult stance of telling groups that wish to deny others their rights why they can’t do that instead of a leader that gives in to popular demands. We need a leader who if they were back in the day of Christ, would have stood up to all the other religious leaders making them realize how they benefited by Jesus walking the earth.

Mike Huckabee is not the man we need leading us. He doesn’t have the character it requires to do what is right; he wants to get by with doing what is easy. Huckabee needs to step aside and let one of the other candidates take center stage and he needs to be relegated back to his Baptist Church in Arkansas right next to the Farwell family and their Baptist Church.

Your Humble Servant – Todd M. Dobson

Comments from Danie450 & My Response

Comment from Danie450 (as posted to my blog on www.wordpress.com)

In their disgust and hatred the Phelps are themselves committing sin. They should be trying to show their Christian love be trying to compassionately, yet calmly, convincing homosexuals that they are not on the path to God and Salvation, but will be denied by God - a VERY SAD God too. For He does NOT want to deny them. If they should choose not to follow God’s plan, then they shall not be forgiven and their souls forever destroyed. They should be fruitful and multiply. They must procreate. This means lay with women. I have no hatred toward homosexuals and wish them well and pray that they will be enlightened and find favor in God’s eye.

Hello Danie450,

I read your comments multiple times trying to gain some insight. After several detailed searches on you, I am perplexed with you as much as the dichotomy of your words. I must first say that I am greatly appreciative that you read my thoughts and took the time to remark on them. That will never escape my recognition and within itself, it says something about you as a person and this subject matter.

I appreciate your understanding of my dislike for Mr. Phelps and his followers. Their recklessness and headline seeking behavior has hurt many innocent people and that needs to be acknowledged no matter if you agree with me or with Mr. Phelps’ representation of the real issues. Having a cause does not necessitate the right of its focus. In the zeal Mr. Phelps has against homosexuality, he has directed his anger at the innocent people who many of whom, themselves would agree with his original purpose before being tolerant for mine. I do understand that while I am defending the thousands of men and women who serve in our armed forces, I also know that the highest percentage of them would rather watch me die than to defend me directly based on my sexual orientation. That is ironic since I would give my life to keep them breathing and dreaming with their family and friends for just one more day beyond the ones they were given.

Mr. Phelps is extremely misdirected in his efforts for attention to his cause and he will go to any lengths possible to espouse that bigotry and anger for all to hear and see. His faith is based so little in religion and that which is truly of God as apposed to him. Mr. Phelps and his followers will eventually know the truth that constantly judging others will only get you judged by all. Mr. Phelps is a highly intelligent man who if he used his talents for good instead of hate, could find the results truly liberating instead of feeling like a weight that anchors him to the one position that makes him equally as unhappy.

All of that being said – Danie450, please explain to me the darkness surrounding your own heart. You are a gifted, intelligent woman who can have so many things handed right too you, so please explain to me what has your heart in the shadows and covered in such darkness as apposed to the love you could be rejoicing in. You have great abilities to reason and yet you strive with such a zest to show the antithesis of everything you should be demonstrating and that has me greatly concerned for you.

For greater understanding can you please tell me when did you first decide you were a heterosexual woman? You may think it a slight on you, however it is not, please honestly explain to me when did you choose to be a straight person? The reason for my question is as simple as it sounds, because I don’t remember when I choose to be gay and almost 100 percent of the heterosexual and homosexual friends and family I’ve asked this same question tell me there was never a time when they chose to be straight or gay. So a major premise of your notion is that I choose to be gay and therefore because it is written in the bible that homosexuality is a sin, thereby, I am a sinner because of my choices. So let’s eliminate that first incorrect assumption.

I never chose to be gay just as I assume you did not choose to be straight. If it truly comes down to a choice, who would I choose to be gay? Why would I choose to be isolated away from family, friends, and jobs limiting my options for every portion in life? If choosing to be straight is as simple as many would like the world to believe, why would I not make that choice immediately and make every body around me happy. Why would I choose to be the black sheep of my family based on being gay? Why would I choose a life style that from the Christian beliefs, I should contract HIV and AIDS.

There is no logical reason for any person to choose to be gay today when the world is so much easier when you are not. The other part of this comes down too accepting people for who they are as a person and not because of one portion of their lives. I am a man who happens to be gay, but I have a heart and a soul just like you do. The blood running through my veins is the same color as yours and if either of us is cut, we both feel the pain the same and we both bleed the very same. So please answer for me why being gay makes me less of a person than it makes you; because in my faith, I can never be a better person than you. I can never be anything but a different person than you. That has me questioning why you make it such a large part of your time seeking and responding to every thing about tolerance and acceptance and push it towards intolerance and never accepting others for being who they are?

As for your inference of faith and God, please understand that I come with a great base of faith in God. I would never take it upon myself to tell you or anyone else that your faith is less than mine or is misguided. However, I could never believe that God made me anything but the person I am. He gave me my heart and he made me in his own image. Because I know that to be true, I don’t even question when I witness hatred, I only question why that person chooses to be directed by hate instead of love as only God wanted us to be. He gave us a great ability to make choices over those things we can choose and who we love was one of them, but not the sex of the person we love. I can choose to live a loveless life if I were to listen to people as you believe, but why would I do that when everything about Jesus and God is all about love. So I embrace who I am and love freely and openly knowing there are people who feel I don’t deserve to do so. If I was made in his image, why should I start by questioning everything that is instinctive like the hand I favor, the love in my heart or the mind I was given. If I started questioning what I am, who I am and why I’m here; then I would never allow myself to be opened to anything or anyone.

I am opened to everyone and everything and I have great hope for everyone, especially people I can help open their hearts and their minds as they step through their own life journey. So please express to me why over 120 sites had your name tagged as a racist? That is a harsh label for someone who is more capable of choices then I am.

I am open to your questions and your concerns because I know you feel as though I have just attacked you, but please re-read what I’ve said because there is no judgment within the words on this page, but there is hope that I might positively impact your life in the direction of love, honor and respect rather than hate.

Take care my friend and I hope you are as opened to my words as I am trying to be to yours.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Message to Phelps...just not from God

Message to Phelps...just not from God

1^st of November 2007

Message to Phelps, but Not From God

$10.9 Million Dollar Message

Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka Kansas was given a very loud message yesterday, but will the Phelps Family and followers listen to a judgment that wasn't handed down from GOD?

I was deeply saddened in March of 2006 when I read that the funeral of slain Marine Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder had been picketed by the Phelps family with support of their church, Westboro Baptis Church. I moved rapidly from peaceful to rage within seconds at the seemingly repugnance I felt for how any one person could justify picketing with signs and bull horns at the funeral of any person. Then my rage boiled over because this wasn't just any person, this was a decorated, slain United States Marine who was fighting for the freedoms that allowed these sycophants to disturb the tragic circumstances the Snyder family had to endure as they tried to find solace in the death of their family member.

I was elated to read yesterday's news to see the awarded sum of more than 11.9 million dollars to be paid by the Phelps family and the Westboro Baptist Church. My first thought was it doesn't change the fact that the Snyder's lost their only son nor did it reduce the pain and suffering they endured on top of an already overwhelming time that no parent should ever have to undergo. I sat with a smile stretched across my face due to the good feelings about a judgment handed down by this jury without regret for the elation overwhelming me. Knowing how much I loath and hate judgments because they are rarely used for good, but rather mostly by those Christians to elevate themselves to a status level above all other sinners. I try to find the good in each and every person or circumstances. Even when I cannot understand someone for their starch opposition to any situation, I can normally find respect for the manner in which they justify their convictions.

This morning my heart was darkened by the fact that I could neither agree with their stance nor could I find respect for what they do or how they go about it. I strive daily to understand that which I don't know by asking myself if Jesus were here, how would this man have answered Mr. Phelps. If Jesus were here how would he show me to find the love in my heart for a man and a family that rages against humanity for the simple sake of an angry outburst? My position started to bother me more than the situation itself and I could not resolve myself to the position of judging even this horrible man for his actions. I pride myself in looking for both sides of every situation. I can find most motivational factors for most people and in the case of the Phelps' family, I still think the reason Mr. Fred Phelps is so insistent on anti-gay everything is that he is either a huge closeted homosexual that was incensed in his early years at the thoughts he probably had favoring another young man. It could have been that he secretly wants the largest bull dyke with a huge strap-on dick to fuck him and hard. It has to be the fist because I don't know any lesbian that would get close enough to Mr. Phelps' ass in order to even stick a titanic sized dildo within his enlarging prostrate…they have too much integrity to do something like that.

Seriously, my conundrum greatly disturbed me as I ate my breakfast this morning deeper in though than usual and it finally came to me! Todd, you are only human and Jesus was divinely guided, I am only guided by my beliefs and the heart beating within my chest and the soul encompassed by this physical form. I am able to be human and allow feelings that are not always of a higher order. I don't always have to find the good in absolutely everyone. Just to let you, my readers know, I am also not so deluded that I don't realize there are just bad people in this world and with whom doing bad things just for the sake of doing horrible acts against as many people as they can. I know this to be true, but even in those cases, a person can usually find a path that led them to where they are, rarely does a person get up one morning and decide they are going to picket the funeral of a grieving family for a decorated war hero. Crimes of hate are committed with far more planning and thought as apposed to being spontaneous.

Knowing this does not grant me any solace in the enjoyment I felt at the possible dissolution of a cult-like group calling themselves a church. Society as a whole must continue to search our hearts because Fred Phelps did not wake up one summer day in 1947 and decide he was going to be a man who would rid North America of all of its undesirables. The hate he feels was thought to him and he has continue cultivating his heritage of hate towards all who they deem are inferior.

Be brave enough to make up your own mind when listening to your local clergy, politician, family or friend who is espousing something that deep within your own heart you know to be wrong. We are better when we Love, Honor & Respect all of those who share the same air we breath, drink the same water we drink and the blood running within their veins gushes from their fragile body just as yours does when either is cut. Humanity is better without the Fred Phelps of the world and we have the power to silence the only voice he has.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Response to Jupiter King's Blog: What the Word of God Says about Homosexuality

29^th October 2007

Response to Jupiter King’s Blog:

What the Word of God Says About Homosexuality

I read Mr. Jupiter’s blog and respectfully responded to him. My comments were shown on his blog, but he later removed my comments. I can only surmise why but he replaced my words with two comments of his own that were both written in great hast and as you read them with anger. Please read Mr. Jupiter’s Blog and both of my comments to him are as follows:

http://www.socyberty.com/Gay-&-Lesbians/What-the-Word-of-God-Says-About-Homosexuality.54341#comments

Hello Jupiter,

I love a good exchange between multiple intellectual minds, so I hope yours is open to understanding some thing you have not accounted for in your blog. While your opinion is not uncommon in people, most have had little exposure to the subject at hand or little research in to the matter.

I hope I am able to shed some light onto the subject matter for you. The portion of the bible you reference (Old & New Testament) details many things, yet at no time does the bible overtly oppose homosexuality. I can take you to each verse in the bible that is claimed to speak negatively about homosexuality and explain how each and every one has been taken out of context or misconstrued to reference a slanted point of view; you might want to know that many noted theologians (gay and straight) agree with my comments that the bible itself does not speak disparagingly against homosexuality. You might also find it amusing that many of the very passages you highlight in your bible as denouncing homosexuality were also used by religious leaders against blacks and against women. There is nothing uniquely talented about taking a small number of words and turning them to be used as a club against a group one wishes to suppress, fanatical Christians and Muslims have been doing it for centuries and the talent is only in finding weaker minded people who do not wish to think for themselves and decide if what they are told is accurate or not.

As for what you’re gay friends may say, I can’t answer for them; but I can ask, when did you acknowledge that you chose to be heterosexual? It is an important question because all of my friends and family that are straight say they can never recall a day or time when they actually made that as a choice. Likewise, I can’t tell you when I made my choice to be gay. I can tell you when I accepted that which made me different from everyone else, but there was never a day I chose to be gay. If it is a choice as you explain, why would I choose to be different from everyone I love and who loves me. Why would I choose to go against how I was raised? Why would I choose to defy the way society taught me was normal? Why would I choose a life that segregates me and where I don’t have even the same basic rights and privileges as all other people do? Why would I choose to be so different from all other people around me? Why if I chose to be gay would I want to remain this way if as so many straight people claim, most homosexuals are unhappy being gay?

Most unhappy gay people are that way because they are not accepted or understood by their straight counterparts. Narrow-minded people would rather spread hate because it is what everyone was lead to believe as normal, instead of honoring the diversity of humanity, instead of loving all people for who they are and not what you think I need to be, and instead of respecting our differences because they are OK. Back to your assertions that it is a choice of living a moral life or an immoral one…who is closer to GOD – the man who Loves, Honors & Respects his fellow human beings and strives to make their lives better, no matter what differences are present; or the man who holds up a holy book and claims superiority over anyone for any reason and can find words in that book to argue his point. Think about your answer, because it was Jesus who said the followers would be the last to enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Think about your response and I can be reached at Todd@fdlservices.com

Thank you for this exchange of words and I look forward to hearing from you.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Now I found my comments to be respectful while asking for some understanding in his beliefs. It is hard to change the position one has claimed their entire life is the right position, even in the face of proven facts that might show otherwise. Some people are unable to admit they themselves could be wrong and others actually hold on to that small part of them that garners piety based on suppressing someone as beneath themselves.

I am not saying that Mr. Jupiter fits any of these categories; however, I found it remarkable that Mr. Jupiter removed my comments and replaced them with those of his view point only. I have other blogs that have comments from people who challenge my stance and challenge my faith. I find them rewarding and thought provoking and I read them earnestly hoping that if I missed something in my thought process before I might learn something now. We can learn from everybody, we just have to open our minds to the process.

Please make sure to read both of Mr. Jupiter’s comments and here is my response that I posted to his blog, however Mr. Jupiter is refusing to publish it. That too might make you think, what he has to hide that he is unable to hear an apposing point of view and not receive it well. That does not mean he agrees with it, just that its presences does not challenge his own.

Hello Jupiter,

I love how when critical thought is demanded, the common mind ignites anger as its first line of defense instead of calm, rational review of apposing thoughts.

So let us talk about the Bible – New Testament and your many passages that you listed in your comment. You listed them in a secondary response only after removing my acknowledgment that they do exist, but caught my attention in a vociferate manner was that the words you typed were more out of anger and vengeance then out of understanding or acceptance. It is an assumed knowledge and not a factual one. So Mr. Jupiter you have answered my first question in my first comment, which states that I like a good exchange of minds. I am gay and I could get angry with you’re original blog, but I respect your opinion and always like people to discuss why they hold an opinion that differs from my own. I had hoped at some point in our conversations you may either teach me something I did not know and thereby sway my position to your view, or perhaps I may be able to do so with you. Based on your responses filled of spite (the words you select and the manner they are placed within the text), it tells me that a polite exchange of view points is not going to occur between us. I can accept that honorably and if you wish to carry our discussion further, please feel free to email me (todd@fdlservices.com), I will respectfully respond as I always do.

Let us discuss the New Testament as you reference it in your blog and comments. The New Testament was dedicated to the Life of Jesus Christ as witnessed by his closest Apostles. Matthew, being one of the Apostles and being closer to the Son of God than others might have been during Jesus’ life; we really can’t know because we were not there. As with every witness’s view of any set of events, that person sees, hears, touches, taste and feels different from each and every person who witnessed the same events at the same time. What I am speaking about derives from their life experiences, their set of beliefs and their perspectives on any subject that might bend those events in one direction or another. Because no two people are alike, is why no two personal views or recollections of events will ever be the same. It is precisely why a police officer asking witnesses to an accident for their recount of the events they witnessed will never be exactly the same. That is why Matthew gives us one view of each part of Christ’s events and those same events are recounted differently by the other Apostles.

So what about the many other Apostles who wrote and submitted their accounts of Jesus’ Life and their texts were denied entry in to the Bible by the Council of Nicea? What became of their accounts of this man’s life? Did they lie or fabricate what they witnessed or perhaps did a governing body pick and choose what of Jesus’ life they wanted to have listed as reference able material?

And what are we to believe of Matthew himself? This was the first voice to question the actions of Jesus based on everybody’s account. Each and every time he questioned the Load, Jesus showed him that his way was through LOVE and ACCEPTANCE, not JUDGMENT. Jesus said this and showed this in every event that was recounted and by everyone who wrote of this man’s life, so why do we start to question what the New Testament was all about?

To complicate matters even more, if Jesus Christ was against homosexuality, as you might want everyone to believe, please explain to me why he saved the life of a young slave boy of the Centurion. As recounted in Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10 Jesus healed the Centurion’s Servant boy even knowing that the Centurion first offered his life in order for Jesus to save the boy claiming the boy was his own. He then acknowledged to Christ our Load, the boy was his beloved servant and in the times that absolutely meant sexual companion. So, please explain to me why if Jesus was so against homosexuality would he save the life of a sexual servant to a high-ranking Greek Soldier?

In the New Testament as you originally reference speaks mostly of the times social disapproval and the Jewish feeling that that homosexuality was unclean. These are common beliefs that do not amount to facts, but opinions just like your own. There was nothing more and absolutely nothing less to it. I can site chapter and verse of every instance the bible says anything that has been turned (by man of today) and used to show how homosexuality is wrong: Leviticus, Romans, 1 Corinthians, 1 Timothy and some you might not know about. Each and every one of them has been discounted by theologians from around the world. These are men and women who have spent life times researching the bible, Jesus and GOD, so if they say that there is nothing in the bible that directly says homosexuality is wrong after spending their lives to know all that can be known outside of being present during the times, why can’t someone like you read the greatest book in our lives and use it for what it was meant to be; a reference guide by which to strive to live your life.

It is only a book, written by men, edited by men, translated by men and organized by men. The first thing GOD told us was that men are fallible, so why are we to assume the men who wrote the words in this great book were not, when Jesus himself said He Was A Fallible MAN?

Again I offer my words as just one argument that might be right and might be wrong. I would rather respect you for your view point and think to myself that it might be right and be able to wait until my judgment day to find out; but I have yet to judge you for your view point as you have done me for mine. Again I would ask you, who do you think is closer to GOD?

I hope my words find you happy, healthy and filled with LOVE.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Challenges to My Mantra: Love, Honor & Respect

4^th of July 2007

Challenges to My Mantra: Love, Honor & Respect

When you truly believe in something, it is natural for someone or something to challenge that belief. Three years into distributing my mantra of Love, Honor & Respect, I have had many attempts to dispel this philosophy, but it perseveres throughout all of my struggles and my faith with these three little words has grown to mean so much more to me.

Recently I turned a corner closer to home that brought me face to face with the challenge to my credo that has shaken me to my core. It has me thinking if only for the briefest of moments that my mantra is too arduous a struggle to maintain and humanity is not worth it. However, clear heads normally do prevail and I’ve come back to espouse my credo that if you Love, Honor & Respect all of the people surrounding you; everyone will walk away happier and better by doing so.

New neighbors moved next door to me approximately ten weeks ago and already we have been shouting at one another. The name calling went directly to vicious. Even as I prodded myself reminding me of my belief systems, I struggled in the face of truly ugly people who care little for anyone other than themselves. It was an enormous task to want to find that little area of respect that I might be able to find within my neighbors. They made their intentions abundantly clear days after moving in that they were scared of dogs and wouldn’t have two of them next door to them (no matter how nice my dogs are to anyone). They dragged their intentions across the lawn that connects our two homes and shouted it at the top of their lungs. I had to force myself to stop as soon as I realized I started reacting to them just as they were treating me and my precious pets. Given such bad circumstances, I was trying to live a wiser, more enlightened life by treating even the horrible, ugly people better then they treated me. I was attempting to see through the clouds and smoke that were tossed across the yard shielding me from seeing that common part of them as a human being that I could use for grounds to gain some respect for their position.

I never could find that common ground, but I learned in the process that in the face of adversity, where two or more people are entrenched into opposing positions, common ground may not be established. I fought and scolded myself for not being able to see the humanity in the people who were yelling, lying and cheating their way to what they see as a better life for themselves by breaking the backs of those people surrounding them. Their tactics and attempts to move in and dominate by intimidation, force, lies and manipulations were the only way they knew to change their surroundings making themselves comfortable while placing everyone else in a constant state of unrest. I kicked myself for not recognizing immediately the tactics of those people who are so much like my own father who can only see force, intimidation and violence as the only ways to be safe from seeing the demons that look back at them from mirrors .

It took some time and effort on my part to realize that you don’t have to find common ground in a person to respect where they are coming from. You can simply respect that they are different and hope that one day they recognize the error of their ways. I use to be very close with all of my neighbors and still am with everyone but my immediate neighbor, however, when I allow them to disrupt my life because of their inability to live peacefully with all of their neighbors; I grant them the power they need to become comfortable. I took back that power and they must now try something new if they are to continue their lifestyle of misery.

While I wish I would have been wise enough to make this recognition sooner and with few if any cross words lobbed from my side of the yard, however, I am grateful that the words that hang above my head brought about a means to give new meaning to a credo that needs advertisement even in the face of anger. May all of the challenges to this code of arms find fruitless attempts and feeble the thoughts that thrust them aside. I found that it is more important to Love those who stand in your wake touting the things you treasure the most in effigy. Honor them for their refusal to grow while Respect is given even if only from your understanding of peace.

Todd M. Dobson

Erase Hate

Erase Hate

Thursday the21st of June 2007 I had the great pleasure of attending the Cindy Lauper concert at Atlanta’s Chastain Park. The concert was amazing and well worth the money and effort to see it.

I’ve been trying to see Cindy Lauper perform for the past eight years and this was the first opportunity to successfully experience a show. Cindy was opening for the Cher’s farewell tour and I paid to see Cher five times over the course of that tour. Due to business and personal obligations, I never saw any of the five shows. The last three shows I purchased knowing that I would have to travel to other locations for the shows, but I was willing to do that in order to see Cindy Lauper and Cher together. It came as a welcomed respite that I paid for tickets to see her and actually was able to experience the concert first hand.

One of the leading indicators that had me pursuing Cindy in concert is in part to pay tribute to a woman who has created alternative listening music since I was a young boy. Her first major album (She’s So Unusual) moved a generation of young people to their feet; not just in dance clubs, but in protest. She was the radical voice telling us as youth that it was OK to challenge authority when it is wrong. That the voice of reason didn’t always come from your mom and dad and the lyrics to her songs taught a new generation to start accepting the people around us for who they were. She explained how it was OK to be a punk girl, a gay boy or even just a singer who just wanted to have fun.

As the years marched to different sounds, Cindy Lauper stepped behind the scenes helping other young artist make their own sounds. She saw in other people what they couldn’t see in themselves. People like Hulk Hogan who was giving up on professional wrestling when Cindy became his Manager and Producer. He is now a household name. Cindy has created an empire for herself but along the way she never gave up the voice that taught us so many lessons about acceptance, peace and love. She has married and brought wonderful children into this world and every step of the way she has been a beacon – a light that shines on the gay, lesbian and transgender community.

I guess that is why I felt it was fitting that her concert be a starting place for the 2007 Atlanta Gay Pride festival. She is not a lesbian, but she has always stood up for our community. She has given her voice to causes like Gay Marriage, Equal Rights and now Erase Hate in conjunction with the Human Rights Campaign and Matthew Shepard Organization.

The focus of this tour is to bring awareness to the Hate that is fueling parts of our country via fear and intolerance. Each person in North America needs to stop and accept that it takes all of us to make this world revolve. It takes our diversity to make every day interesting. If we can accept the differences in the man, woman and child who sits next to us, the world would truly be a much better place.

Most importantly we must thank people like Cindy Lauper, Judy Shepard and the countless other heterosexuals that stand up on the behalf of all gay, lesbian and transgender people in the world trying to make it a better, safer and more accepting place. They are truly heroes and deserve our recognition, admiration and undying support. The message they push – “Erase Hate” is one that fits in perfectly with my own mantra, “Love, Honor & Respect” and both need to be in the faces of every person. Each human being loss due to a Hate Crime is far too costly for us to bear. Cindy is right when she reminds us that as hate crimes are committed, the victims are not the only people harmed by these senseless crimes, but so are the perpetrators. Each person harmed due to hate is truly a burden that we all must carry because each and every one of us can stop hate long before it becomes and issue like Matthew Shepard tied to a fence and left for dead.

Stop Hate Crimes – Erase Hate

Father's Day 2007

Father’s Day 2007

Yesterday was Father’s day and if you had asked me a month ago about my father, I would have quickly questioned if you meant the man who donated sperm for my birth. I would have countered any question about my father as I don’t have one, but there was a man who forcefully gave sperm and whom I’m told is the reason for my existence, however he has never earned the title “Father”.

Kenneth Alden Dobson Senior is the man who fathered me as well as three other children (Kimmy, Kenny & Tonya).

As you’ve read in previous bloggs, I emerged from a very abusive childhood. My father was raised by an even more horrific man – Clinton Dobson. My grandfather among other things claimed the title as religious leader for the Reorganized Later Day Saints church. He among many other Dobson men had major sexual issues and were raised with strict Mormon beliefs that places women below farm animals in the hierarchy of impotents. Even lower than the rankings of most women was the coveted position as wife. If you were a wife to a Dobson man you were treated dreadfully, giving no credence to their wishes or desires.

My grandfather taught his boys that women were to be ruled over with a harsh hand. They were present only to service their man’s needs, raise the children, clean the house and prepare the meals. If they failed to perform those tasks in accordance with the “Head of the Household’s” requirements, she was to be firmly and swiftly dealt with including verbal as well as physical abuse. That did not take away from the constant verbal abuse that Dobson men were known to deliver at a steady pace. An ongoing barrage of verbal exploitation followed by the appropriate physical abuse when called for, let the women in the Dobson households remain off balance and scared to look closely at anything surrounding the husband. The art of these tactics dispelled any woman from looking too closely at lost time, frivolous spending and other habits that hid the sexual deviances of all Dobson men. If the wife ever had the audacity to question the veracity of her husband, he was to immediately deny everything at all cost and simultaneously claim the wife is at fault for all failures the man may have. Never accepting culpability for anything they may have done even if caught red-handedly.

I watched as my father swearing his loath and hatred for his own father while continuing the traditional Dobson woman bashing that so proudly established the men in our family. Ken Dobson treated my mother like she was lower than dirt. He hid his pornographic magazines in our bedroom in an attempt to hide it from our mother. Just as his father did to him and when his stash was found, Clinton and then my father would deny its existence and even blame the kids. Ken Dobson hated my grandfather for doing the very same things to him that he was doing to my brother and me. My father also carried on the traditions of always having other women on the side. When he wanted to visit one of his many side women, he would pick a fight with my mother over some frivolous issue making it insurmountable in order to rush out the door and into the arms of what ever mistress he spent time with that month.

I remember very vividly when he threw a full jar of Helmen’s Mayonnaise across the kitchen without even noticing that he almost hit my little sister as he yelled because my mother didn’t buy Blue Plate Mayonnaise. It didn’t seem to bother him the day before when he opened that very jar and made sandwiches for work. The difference was on that specific day he wanted to have sex with one of his countless other women before going to work and the fight with a flying jar of mayonnaise deflected attentions away from his own selfless desires regardless of the fact that he could have killed Tonya in order to supplement his sexual prowess. As usual he left in a huff after verbally bashing my mother with his usual tirade of epithets such as slut, bitch, whore, worthless, never going to amount to anything, stupid and the list increased daily.

All four children suffered constant abuse. Unfortunately, both parents contributed to this growing family tradition, but as my mother was taught this trait by years of abuse towards her by my father and his siblings; she ushered down her own form of verbal and physical abuse keeping a tight control over the only people should had power over – her children. When you are told for years how worthless and stupid you are, it becomes difficult to believe other wise. As someone sincerely bestows a compliment on you; it begs the question, how dumb are they that an obvious oversight where they can’t see your worthless façade. One might think that words like stupid, worthless and hearing that you are less than dirt should trigger your mind telling you the person is wrong, but what is triggered when you hear these very destructive phrases daily from the people you know who are suppose to love you. All of this is meant to keep an unstable home life, which is the opposite of what a child needs to develop appropriately into an adult. My father didn’t care about his children; he made it clear we were insignificant and how he would stop paying for everything the moment we turned eighteen years old. I can’t tell you how many times he said that I had better know how to make money after graduating from High School because he would not be paying for my sorry ass after his legal obligation ended.

There are many things that portrait this man as a ghastly, evil man who should never have been granted the gift of children. I can’t remember exactly which birthday it was, but I was young and we were all home playing in the back yard. Kenny (older brother), me, Tonya (younger sister) and two neighbor kids were in the back yard playing while my parents were yelling and screaming as it ended with a couple of smacks by one or both of them followed by my Dad leaving in a huff. We were very hot and thirsty, but weren’t going to enter the war zone, so we were getting a drink of water from the outside water spicket on the front side of the house. It was my turn after Kenny and Tonya had already drunk their fill and I was bent over with my mouth as close to the valve as I could get it in order to drink some water. My father came around the corner of the house and without so much as a warning kicks me as hard as he could. As I flew the couple of feet away to the side of his car, the spicket caught my jaw and lips and almost ripped them off. Blood was gushing out of my mouth and from my lips while my hip and ribs were bruised and hurting. The other kids scattered as my father told me “I was no better than a worthless nigger and I didn’t deserve to live in his house. He told me I was not to step foot back inside his house because he didn’t live with niggers”. I don’t think he ever looked at me long enough to see if the damages he inflicted were harsh, permanent or superficial. He got in to his car and left tire marks down the road as he left for work. He never apologized or even commented about it ever again.

The day I decided to leave home I was fifteen years old. It was the day my brother went into the Navy. Kenny had promised several months before that before he left for the Navy he would beat the shit out of me showing the rest of the world what a faggot I was. He made good on his promise by turning me around in a dark hallway as I walked to my bedroom following a brief verbal altercation. He requested that I give him my hairspray from my bathroom, but my father paid for all of Kenny’s accoutrements, where I paid for all of mine. I told him to get some from Daddy, he should have some upstairs as I left the kitchen heading down the hall for my bedroom, and Kenny grabs me by the arm to turn me around and starts pounding. Before I even knew what was happening he landed blow after blow to my face along with a series of racial epithets (faggot this and faggot that). Kenny didn’t break my nose, but he was as close as a person could get to breaking it. He broke two front teeth, split open my lips in four places, blackened one eye and left bruises all over my face and down my body. It looked more like I suffered in a car accident rather than got beat up by my own brother. As I was in the half bathroom that was attached to my bedroom, my father almost tore the door off its hinges. Not knowing who was at the door, I held up a bat in the event that I needed to protect myself. My father was incredulous as he took the bat away from me and for a second held it as though he was about to swing it while he looked at me as if he was contemplating using it on me while I tried to balance myself between the wall and the sink counter barely able to focus on much of anything with all the blood and blurred vision. He threw the bat down into the bedroom behind him and picked me up throwing me back against the far wall saying he should finish the job. I couldn’t really see out of my eyes, but the blood was pouring everywhere from different parts of my face, but in that second all I could think about was that if I survived, I was leaving this hell hole as soon as I possibly could.

I moved out of my father’s house months after that incident occurred with emancipation papers drawn up, an apartment and a full time job waiting. I had been saving and buying the things necessary to fill an apartment and it was all waiting for my moment of freedom. I moved to Baton Rouge on my own for six months and then to Atlanta Georgia for three years. I met my first ever boyfriend and moved to Boston and lived there for three years. I had always dreamt of going to college for computers and my dream school was Louisiana State University (LSU). I paid off my debt and placed myself in a situation where I could go, so after my relationship with Ricky ended, I moved back to Louisiana to attend LSU.

My father begged me to stay with him in an effort to appease his new girlfriend who hated that we didn’t speak. Very apprehensively I moved back in with my father to conserve what little money I had and take as few loans as possible. Given my father’s new found generosity, I asked him to help me purchase a much needed computer from Ricky for $1000 dollars. He paid for the computer and I was paying him back with monthly payments. I repaid $550 dollars by the end of my first year. During my second year at LSU I had an opportunity to work at IBM under an Internship Program at their National Support Center, but I had to take a writing class while I was in Atlanta Georgia interning for IBM. I packed all that I could in my car leaving the monitor with several other boxes that my father said he would send to me. I received all of the boxes except the one containing the monitor. When I left I asked him to help me pay for the English class that he never responded to my questions, but when he refused to send the monitor it all became clear that while I was paying for school, books and food, he was upset because I took away his ability to play solitaire after work on the computer. My father got upset because he used the computer to play solitaire and he was unable to do so when I took it with me. Kimmy told me he was angry because I took his computer away from him and his refusal to pay for the class was justified. Once the internship was over and I returned to my father’s house knowing I would have to find another place to live while completing school, he had all of my belongings out on the front yard in the wet weather along with a note that told me to “get it the fuck off his property and never come back”. This was because I took his solitaire game while having to take a writing class.

There are many reasons that I can claim my father has never been a positive influence in my life and therefore has not earned the title “Father”. The greatest of these is the simple fact that he doesn’t know what true love is, so how can anyone expect him to give it. However, yesterday I was forced to think about all of this and find a solution that comforted my heart.

I will never have a relationship with the man who fathered me. Neither does he earn the right to claim being my dad. He never contributed to my well being and has gone out of his way most of my life to deliver grief and misery instead of love and understanding. But with all that he has neglected, I can only come to one conclusion a second time in my life; he is being the man that his father taught him to be. He was not strong enough to see how that life leads to one of misery and self loathing. Therefore it is incumbent upon me to be the bigger man for the two of us. That while I will never hear from the man who fathered me and know there is no love in his heart for the son who could never measure up to being a real man. I can do what is right by forgiving him for all the wrongs he has perpetrated on me.

I know deep within my heart that had he ever been given a positive childhood himself, he might have made a wonderful father. That given the opportunity, he might even show love for someone that has disappointed him every day I draw a breath. I have great empathy for Kenneth Alden Dobson Senior in that while he bestows grief and bile on the existence of his children; he does so towards himself as well. He can’t really see the man who is reflected in the mirror because he long ago gave up looking for meaning where loathsome disgust resides. Kimmy tells me all the time he gives all that he can, all that he knows how to give and until yesterday that could never have amounted to anything for me. When given the chose to grow and become a better person, I know he chooses not too. I just could not understand how any father would choose not to love their own child. However, given countless opportunities to show his children that he is a decent man who could bestow true unconditional love, he chose not too. For this and many other faults – I forgive you.

I know there is nothing I could ever do or say that might make you realize what you’ve done and what you’ve lost; but I can forgive the injustices and hope for a better end to your life. I can know that once you pass, you will recognize the many traumas you have delivered and beg for forgiveness. I can ensure that you have at the very least – my forgiveness.

Hate is not a Family Value

Hate is not a Family Value

Hate is not a family value, so why is it that family is usually the first to let hate drip from their lips like a rabid dog frothing at the mouth? I don’t understand how a mother can give birth to a little baby, share in its first breath and later kick that same child out of their home when the child acknowledges their own natural sexuality?

Hate drives our gay youth from their warm homes for no other reason than loathing and selfishness of the parents who toss their own flesh and blood into the cold nights with no care for where they go, how they survive or even if they survive. These same parents go to churches on Sunday and call themselves the faithful. They stand at the pulpits and espouse fire and brimstone from a book they hold dearer to them than that flesh and blood that was ostracized because he/she dared to love someone of the same sex. However, the faithful are the truest meaning behind the devastation of Sodom and Gomorrah as read in that very book they cleave to their bosoms. Our gay and lesbian youth run for their lives crying themselves to sleep under the cold night sky wondering if tomorrow brings them another meal. Americans wonder where the scourge on our streets come from, yet they are the ones sending us their children driven from their homes for little reason other than the child was courageous enough to show love for another human being.

We gay and lesbians are accused of being the heartless ones. We are denounced by the faithful stereo typed as immoral and only wanting drugs and sex. The parents who send us their very own are the same ones yelling at our events and stirring congregations with hatred and venom. But we are the ones looked down upon and judged harshly. We are the ones sharing love and looking for those throwaway children that were denied entry into the only homes they ever knew. We are the ones denied rights, privileges and most importantly the love of the only people that truly mattered to us - our own parents.

What has riled me so was the receipt of an IM session from someone on MySpace. He tried to email me several times, but I spurned his advances because they were sexually charged states and his profile said he is fifteen years old. He claimed to be nineteen, but it really doesn’t matter because there is nothing he could say that would have led us in the direction he originally sought. His sexual drive was misguided and after a couple of comments, I recognized the agony he was in as if my past came to visit on the words from his keyboard.

Over an hour and a half we chatted as I discovered that he was kicked out by the vary mother who bore him. She denied her flesh and blood that passed through her womb the warmth and nurturing home because at fifteen years old, she found him in the arms of another male friend. He claims to have graduated High School through the charity of others in his community and has been working to support himself since the night his mother made him mature beyond his years. Even though he’s been on his own for several years, there is no stability in his life and he is desperate to feel the love and affection he once received from the people he knew as family. But the only way he can feel the warmth of that love, is to renounce his disgusting homosexuality by which he knows is defying the natural tendencies that defines him as a man. Can someone please explain to me how this exemplifies the love between a mother and her child? Help me to understand how a mother will allow the destruction of a child’s family without any care for the other siblings involved.

My heart went out to this kid who just wants to feel the loving arms of the same person he called Mom. She was the one who conceived a child giving it love and originally not expecting anything in return. I wanted him to call me or let me call him, but he ended our chat session saying he was going to call his mother and plead with her to take him back.

It is not my place to tell him he is gay when the only sexual encounter that never really happened was interrupted by his mother. He has no clue if he likes men or women and is scared to try either. His inclination that one time was to test the waters with another male friend, but he is too scared to even contemplate his sexuality based on the results of his that first encounter. The lady with whom he trusted to be rational, loving and companionate has him questioning the very foundations of everything he thought he knew as well as his very existence. I understand why the question of his sexuality is so prevalent to him, but only he can find the right answers. Neither his mother nor I can answer the question as to what am I? If he is heterosexual, that is great and I wish him the best. If he is gay, I fear for him because of the confusion and indoctrination delivered by the lips of one that he loves and trust - his mother.

My heart broke last night as he closed our chat session because there is nothing I wouldn’t do to help him come to terms with himself. Why does love come with so many strings attached? When will humanity learn that love makes the waters flow, the sky blue, the sun yellow, the birds chirp, the grass green and your heart beat? Love is what we need to share and hate has no place in our lives. Shame on this kid’s mother, for not getting to know her own son at a time when she could really be a positive influence, instead she would rather practice HATE before she shows him true unconditional love. It obviously means more to her to be in good with her church then it is to love her son.

We must stop the hate; love and accept those around us to make this world a better place for all!

Unconditional LOVE

Unconditional LOVE

Before you can give it to anyone else, you must have it for yourself…
When you love yourself, you deserve nothing short of pure unconditional love
love, but with strings attached just won’t do
love, but because I have too, you are my grandson, son or someone I’m suppose to love

nothing but true unconditional love….will be acceptable

To receive the love we all deserve, look no further than the mirror with your own reflection
Start by loving yourself, then loving others will be easier to do

when you give unconditional love to others because you love yourself

you will only receive unconditional love from those around you

Life is meant to be enjoyed and lived to fullest
We all deserve to find love and to laugh along the way

so don’t waste time giving or receiving anything less than

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

27^th of Oct 2006

Employment Non-Discrimination ACT

The question needs to be asked of every state Representative and Senator; why has the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) not been passed successfully?

It is a shame that people in the freest country in the world have to worry about being fired from their jobs based solely on their sexual orientation (perceived or factual). There should not be any person in the House of Representatives or the United States Senate who does not support a bill that only hopes to add to the already list of protected classes of people, sexual orientation. When bigotry rears its head, no matter under the veil of Christian acts or under the white capes of a group as foul and nasty as the Kue Klux Klan; a person being discriminated against needs protection against loosing their jobs. Support of Employment Non-Discrimination ACT does not ratify their beliefs of homosexuality. Simply put, this bill means that people should not have to fear for their lively hoods because of their factual or perceived sexual orientation.

If you have ever been discriminated against, then you understand the pain and anguish that never really goes away. I know most of you are wondering, how could I have experienced such biased. Discrimination hurts more than just the people who hate and the people who receive that loathing. It hurts all the other people who bare witness and either add to or walk away.

I worked for a small software company called SandPoint, Inc., which was a division of Thompson Corporation. I accepted my job supporting large scale customers on a Lotus Notes platform that listened to all news feeds and allowed the customer searching capabilities for news stories that might interest them (i.e.: Nike might want to make sure one of their spokes personalities did not break the law while on a vacation in Europe, they could place an agent in the search parameters looking at all of the news feeds for the person they are watching. The United States Government might want to keep track of any political activity in a certain country or of a person of interest to our government).

SandPoint offered me, at a young age, the ability to learn a network platform that was becoming increasingly popular as well as joining an innovative software company. My training was to be conducted by a co-worker, Bob Nagle. At first I didn’t understand why Bob refused to train me on any of the systems, but teaching was not his forte. Our boss, David, was a good man and ended up answering most of my daily questions to a product offering that could be easy and complicated simultaneously. Prior to my hire, Bob and David both worked out of the Server Room, however, advancements in the software as well as limitations on the number of people occupying the server room made it prudent that we work from our desks that were side-by-side in an office. Bob’s initial refusal to work with me had more to do with habit and desire rather than phobia based on a bias. Dave had instructed Bob to work in our combined office so that he could listen and direct my support calls ensuring that our customers received the most adequate support we could provide while training me on the servers, systems and products we offered our clients. Bob’s refusal to follow those instructions provided great anxiety for my role in addition giving Dave more burdens to manage on top of his already full set of tasks.

When I read about the Boston to New York AIDS Ride I wanted to get involved for many reason, but the top of my list was to dedicate to the living memory of a good friend (Rob) who had been living with HIV and AIDS for more than ten years. I started my training and change some habits like riding my bicycle to work every day that I could instead of driving my car. As more people identified with my training and the questions started, I knew eventually I would have to tell the people I worked with what I was doing. I came to a point where I needed to start my fund-raising efforts knowing that physically I would be able to succeed at the three day three hundred mile ride. While I was not hiding my homosexuality, I didn’t advertise it either. I wrote a sincere, honest dedication to a dear friend who had suffered from this deadly disease and explained how the funds we secure in the ride will help thousands of local people that might live in their communities. I decided to ask my boss for permission to fund raise at the office and he said if Mike the President allowed me too, he had no objections. As I nervously discussed the event with Mike, he became excited about a three day, three hundred mile ride and I explained the details as I knew them to be. He was thrilled at my efforts to perform a 300 mile ride and had no reservations to my solicitations of our employees for the necessary funds to perform this fundraiser. He asked many questions about the ride and my training and how I was doing and he said to place his name on the list of contributors for a two hundred dollar donation.

Invigorated by the kind words from Mike and then from my boss - Dave, so I emailed the dedication letter to everyone and printed a copy of it with some brochures placing them in the break room for everyone to peruse. The response I received was huge with nothing but support from most of the people with whom I worked. The story I wrote seemed to tug at the heart strings of most people in the office, which contrast shapely to the harshness of Bob’s reaction to my efforts. Bob immediately made it clear that he felt only gay men had HIV/AIDS and because I was doing the ride, I must be gay and therefore I must also have AIDS. I went from a “Bob didn’t like anyone” type of mentality to the most hated and reviled person in the SandPoint office based solely on his prejudices. The effects were felt instantly, but it took several months before I understood what brought about the change austerity. As more and more people were discussing the Ride and my training with me, Bob’s anger grew more intense. Shortly before the actual Ride in September of that year, I went to ask Bob about a problem I had been trying to figure out for one of our customers when I arrived at the server room door as it was slightly ajar in its normal fashion. Bob was on one of his tangents with another equally bitchy employees (we called this the old hens bitch session because he held them so frequently). I was about to enter when I heard him say, “You can’t trust anything he says, he’s just a faggot”. The shock was apparent as I opened the door at that very moment only to witness his jaw drop as they viewed my face but then I then turned around slamming the door shut behind me.

I knew things were getting tense between Bob and me, but I thought after the ride was over things would calm down. However, I knew based on continued responses from Dave that he was becoming weary of our friction. He needed me to work with Bob and as much as I tried to tell him that Bob refused to teach or work directly with me, I knew it placed Dave in a very difficult position. Dave would tell us both when he found us in the server room to work from our office, but Bob’s refusal never seem to garner as much attention as my presence did in the server room. Bob’s continued repudiation about training me worsened as I was started getting the ideal that my job was in serious jeopardy. The closer it got to the Ride, the more stressful the office became. Too the point that I called the Director of Human Resources who resided in another office to discuss what I perceived as harassment from Bob with his continued lack of support and unwillingness to teach me the necessary elements of our jobs. We met four times to discuss what I knew to be discrimination based offenses by Bob. At the time it was more verbal abuse (the comments I heard directly) and what he was saying (untruths) to others in the office.

Because my email was on servers inside the server room where Bob and Dave sat every day, I had to assume they were illicitly reading my email messages and therefore could not write freely recapping my meetings with HR, but I continued to follow up every meeting with the HR Director. In our first meeting I announced that I was a gay man who felt Bob’s actions were solely based on homophobia. However, I was not comfortable writing that directly within the messages for fear that Bob would find justification if he read those messages. Every message indicated the dates and times and locations of our meetings due to their locations being away from both my office and his office.

I received numerous assurances from the Director of HR up to and including exactly seven days before I was terminated by him. When the time came I performed one of the most moving experiences of my life as I rode with three thousand other men and women sharing our reasons, our stories and an immense amount of grief and sorrow. I would never change my experiences there for anything in the world and wish every person in the world could have such a profound exposure to the wounds other people carry with them. I took a couple days off after the Ride and stayed in New York City with friends. When I returned to my office I crashed down from my euphoric experience by finding everything in and on my desk had been gone through. Over the next three months I endured extremely hostile rejection and verbal abuse from Bob as Dave seemed to be loosing his patience with the entire scenario. Bob was telling anyone who listening numerous untruths, but when your boss questions the faith he has in you, how can you disprove his misguided beliefs as the person campaigning against you is a longtime and trusted friend.

Dave and Bob worked together for almost fifteen years before SandPoint. Dave eventually brought Bob to SandPoint after garnering the title as Bob’s son’s Godfather. I knew if it ever came to a choice between Bob or me, I would loose on history alone.

Bob was stepping up his terrorizing campaign while Dave seemingly joined his ranks. I started looking for a job, but HR kept telling me that my job was not in danger and how he would quit before he fired me for bigoted, racist reasons. He was telling me I needed to work with him and he would protect me while we forced the SandPoint family to face their fears instead of hiding behind them. My review was good and everybody seems to like me, so the HR Director said there was no reason to run away in the face of such horrid behavior from one man. The clincher was when he said as a black man, I would never let someone’s prejudices run me out of a good job that enabled me to continue my dreams of finishing college while earning a good wage. I accepted the job with SandPoint to work in my chosen field while completing my degree. A few weeks after my last conversation with HR, I came in to find everything in and on my desk rummaged through again. Someone was searching for a reason to fire me; they just weren’t finding what they deemed a necessary reason. HR denied any knowledge of the actions and promised me I would be protected against any subsequent actions by Dave.

Three months after such a life moving event like the Boston to New York AIDS Ride, I endured an increasingly cruel work environment. I endured many verbal bashes directly and indirectly by Bob and several others including my once wonderful boss. I was working in hell where no one seemed to care or even recognize the torment I suffered. I met with the Director of HR again and this time I was promised no one was trying to fire me and if anyone did, he would quit his job before taking such irreprehensible action against me! Exactly seven days after that promise was delivered from the lips of what seemed to be a companionate and caring man, he and Dave fired me for breaching security. Each and every time Dave searched my desk for a reason to terminate me, he rambled through a stack of diskettes that was clearly labeled “Server IDs”. I built most of the servers who’s IDs resided on the diskette, but it also including the servers necessary to perform the support to which I was hired to do for our customers. The reason made no sense at all and Dave looked foolish as he performed remarkably well for a man that played the shocked, dutiful boss.

The charges were possession of information I was not suppose to have. I asked multiple times what the information was on the disk that I was incapable of handling and demanded a printout of the two disk’s contents. The printouts showed exactly what I had on the disks, so they did not add anything to them, so I had to request multiple times before an attempt at an answer came from Dave. I was not supposed to have possession of the server IDs. Thinking originally that if I could give a sound answer to having those IDs, the Director of HR would see this for what it was and not allow Dave to fire me as he promised. I asked how was I to support our customers when most of them had extremely tight security and the only systems allowed to interact with their systems were our specific servers. Dave said there are specific support IDs that all of our customers had in the ACLs and therefore I should not have the server IDs on a diskette. I refuted this claim because that was where Dave wanted us to be, but most of our customers would not add those IDs to their servers, which required us to still have the necessary server IDs. This fact alone was one of the reason’s Bob continued to work in the Server Room when repeatedly told to work in our office. Bob hated having to change back and forth from our personal IDs to the Server IDs and back just to gain information in order to support our customers. I then went down the list and asked who created each of the other servers and Dave always said another person built those servers, which was a direct lie. I looked directly at the Director of HR who sat there in silence the entire time and I asked him if this was when he was going to quit before he let Dave or anyone else fire me. He said nothing and allowed me to be fired based on homophobia and hatred. I wondered who he wanted it to be easier for, me or him?

I held my composure knowing exactly what was on the two discs and knowing this was a farce, but the damage was being done none the less. It was misting outside when I left the SandPoint offices in Cambridge Massachusetts and all I could do was start to walk along the Charles River as I started to cry. Cry because I had just bought my first house six months before and had no clue what I was about to do and I cried at all the pain and suffering I endured with devastating consequences.

I called on a friend who was a good lawyer and explained everything to David to which he referred me to another friend - Terry McGenty. Terry was just starting his own practice and David felt he would be better suited to help me. Every day for two weeks I met with different attorneys in Boston and Cambridge looking for the right fit to bring a case against SandPoint for discrimination and wrongful discharge. Each and every law firm denied my claim telling me that it would be a difficult case and I would have to pay liberally for their services. I asked each and every lawyer after discussing my case and showing them the documentation I had compiled, if they believed me; only one person believed what I told him and believed in my case, that was Terry.

I took on the behemoth – Thompson Corporation with a lawsuit because of its homophobia and discriminatory policies. The city of Cambridge and the state of Massachusetts have laws against discriminating against people based on sexual orientation, but that will never prevent a company such as the Thompson Corporation from practicing bigotry. Thompson Corporation clearly broke the law, by espousing an environment of hatred but proving that even in a state like Massachusetts it is difficult at best to fight when a company decides to engage in such demoralizing behavior.

I kept documentation for each act perpetrated against me and by whom. Who I spoke with; when, where and what we discussed. I printed out the many emails I sent to the Director of HR about our meetings and discussions. When we subpoenaed my email account, they first said they deleted it, and then they claimed I deleted most of it and sent us minor emails of no value. They didn’t anticipate that I had already replicated my email database and brought it home with me and could reproduce my entire email account.

The Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination (MCAD) is not a court of law, but it is the body that tries cases of bias. You may chose to take your case outside to a court of law, but the MCAD allows greater latitude and tends to be pro employee whereby placing the burden of proof on the company rather than the employee. The MCAD hold three individual hearings on your case. You can only move to the next hearing if just cause is found by the hearing officer. Each hearing you are starting over from scratch and must prove your case as if it is your first time in court. This can prove to be very much in the favor of the employee, but a good law firm can exploit this as an opportunity to learn more and defeat the employee without failure by the third and final hearing. The trick is to give enough new information in each hearing to prove just cause, but not show all of your evidence and maintaining the element of surprise against the employer.

In the first hearing the Director of HR lied under oath saying that he never met with me in or outside of the office. He alleged that I never told him I was gay or that I was being harassed. He went on to say that I never feared being fired based on the facts that I was gay. Terry and I loved what happened next, because we then produced a stack of emails that indicated dates, times and places that we met referencing issues of harassment, and fear that my job was in jeopardy. The only thing the messages did not directly state was when I told the Director of HR that I was gay, but while the word were never used, the hearing officer agreed the implication was validly stated.

The Magistrate ended our first case finding merit to move forward and she looked at the employer’s corporate lawyer (who also was the CEO/President of Thompson USA) and told them she suggested they settle this before the next hearing date.

For the first time in almost a year I felt vindicated with the Magistrate’s strong findings. Terry and I knew they would make us an offer and we started receiving offers to discuss my case from news reporters, however Terry wrongfully felt this was not a good move. With no offers delivered coming from Thompson Corporation, we prepared for our next battle. The second court case resulted in similar action being taken by a different magistrate who again witnessed deceit under oath from Thompson Corporation and finding sufficient evidence of wrong doing by the company. He outlined multiple lies and miss-truths on the behalf of the Thompson Corporation brandishing an extremely harsh suggestion that they settle the case before the final hearing.

That afternoon Thompson Corporation hired the largest and most aggressive Human Resource law firm in New England to represent them at a cost of more than $700,000. Six years ago I was consulting for the EMCOR Group out of Connecticut. Donna was the President’s executive assistant and on her last day with the EMCOR Group, she came by my desk saying that we needed to take a walk together.

She was emphatic about our need to discuss something, so I indicated I would and brought what I was doing to a close. When the elevator doors closed on our way down, Donna told me she knew a great deal about me. I was intrigued and proceeded to ask about what she knew and how. She told me that her last position was as the executive assistant for the CEO/President of the Thompson Corporation for more than ten years. She elaborated on how he took my suite against them with swearing personal vengeance against me. Donna told me he was the attorney that loss the first two court appearances and that she had never seen him as angry as he was on both of those days. She also told me that as soon as he returned from the second court date, he called the law firm that was hired defend them against me and told them he would pay anything as long as they won. She told me he reserved over one million dollars to fight me initially, but that the numbers were well above that when she left the company. Donna then shocked me when she said Thompson hired a private investigative firm to following me 24x7 from the time I initially filed my case to after the final court appearance. She indicated upon her leaving Thompson Corporation there was an entire legal size filing cabinet dedicated to this case and me that she reviewed everything about me or the case. She had detailed records of dates I went on, when I had sex and with whom. She knew every vacation I took, when I left and returned and details about what I did along with details of every job I had. She knew more about my life then I could recall because she was the person responsible for transcribing the PI’s logs and notes into a legible record. I was astounded at what I was hearing. Donna told me that during the midst of this, she figured out that everything I claimed to be factual was true and she apologized to me for what the Thompson Corporation did to me and for the part she played in it.

ENDA will not ensure this atrocious behavior will not happen to another person, but if a company uses such homophobic actions against one of its employees; that person can take action against the company for their bigoted and homophobic practices. No one goes through the hell I did at the hands of a company that bought their verdict for more than one million dollars without scars. I lost my case, but that doesn’t mean it never happened or that in the process the Thompson Corporation didn’t learn from their mistakes. Shortly after the many years of hell started for me, I was asked to address a small Congressional Sub-Committee on the ENDA bill and I gladly accommodated. What I went through was mild in comparison to others people on that panel who suffered at the hands of racist men and women. The gentleman next to me was a US Postal Employee and four men beat him so severely that he almost died from his injuries. The District Court Judge who heard the case against the four men rendered a verdict in disgust, because as he states the filth in his courtroom deserved to rot in jail, but because the attack occurred on Federal property and with Federal employees, it was up to the United States Government to punish the men and there were no laws at his disposal garnering him the ability to take action against the scourge before him. The United States Government refused to prosecute the four men even though they had confessions from two of them with great details of the beating identifying their soul intent based on a perceived homosexual in their midst.

ENDA would change that and hold not only the US Government, but also every company responsible for providing a comfortable and safe working environment to all of its employees. Non-union employers still can hire and fire at will. Companies will still discriminate against employees, but ENDA gives some sliver of retribution to the employee. If the treat of that makes some employers take notice and conduct themselves in a proper manner, then isn’t the bill doing what it is intended to do? Everyone deserves to be able to work in a decent job for a decent wage without fearing for their lives. If the employer has just cause to fire that employee, they should never worry about ENDA preventing them from doing so. The only businesses who fear this bill are the ones who would be breaking it.

CALL TO ACTION:

Please call your local Representative and Senator and ask them to vote in favor of ENDA and to respect those constituents they represent.