4th of July 2007
Challenges to My Mantra: Love, Honor & Respect
When you truly believe in something, it is natural for someone or something to challenge that belief. Three years into distributing my mantra of Love, Honor & Respect, I have had many attempts to dispel this philosophy, but it perseveres throughout all of my struggles and my faith with these three little words has grown to mean so much more to me.
Recently I turned a corner closer to home that brought me face to face with the challenge to my credo that has shaken me to my core. It has me thinking if only for the briefest of moments that my mantra is too arduous a struggle to maintain and humanity is not worth it. However, clear heads normally do prevail and I’ve come back to espouse my credo that if you Love, Honor & Respect all of the people surrounding you; everyone will walk away happier and better by doing so.
New neighbors moved next door to me approximately ten weeks ago and already we have been shouting at one another. The name calling went directly to vicious. Even as I prodded myself reminding me of my belief systems, I struggled in the face of truly ugly people who care little for anyone other than themselves. It was an enormous task to want to find that little area of respect that I might be able to find within my neighbors. They made their intentions abundantly clear days after moving in that they were scared of dogs and wouldn’t have two of them next door to them (no matter how nice my dogs are to anyone). They dragged their intentions across the lawn that connects our two homes and shouted it at the top of their lungs. I had to force myself to stop as soon as I realized I started reacting to them just as they were treating me and my precious pets. Given such bad circumstances, I was trying to live a wiser, more enlightened life by treating even the horrible, ugly people better then they treated me. I was attempting to see through the clouds and smoke that were tossed across the yard shielding me from seeing that common part of them as a human being that I could use for grounds to gain some respect for their position.
I never could find that common ground, but I learned in the process that in the face of adversity, where two or more people are entrenched into opposing positions, common ground may not be established. I fought and scolded myself for not being able to see the humanity in the people who were yelling, lying and cheating their way to what they see as a better life for themselves by breaking the backs of those people surrounding them. Their tactics and attempts to move in and dominate by intimidation, force, lies and manipulations were the only way they knew to change their surroundings making themselves comfortable while placing everyone else in a constant state of unrest. I kicked myself for not recognizing immediately the tactics of those people who are so much like my own father who can only see force, intimidation and violence as the only ways to be safe from seeing the demons that look back at them from mirrors .
It took some time and effort on my part to realize that you don’t have to find common ground in a person to respect where they are coming from. You can simply respect that they are different and hope that one day they recognize the error of their ways. I use to be very close with all of my neighbors and still am with everyone but my immediate neighbor, however, when I allow them to disrupt my life because of their inability to live peacefully with all of their neighbors; I grant them the power they need to become comfortable. I took back that power and they must now try something new if they are to continue their lifestyle of misery.
While I wish I would have been wise enough to make this recognition sooner and with few if any cross words lobbed from my side of the yard, however, I am grateful that the words that hang above my head brought about a means to give new meaning to a credo that needs advertisement even in the face of anger. May all of the challenges to this code of arms find fruitless attempts and feeble the thoughts that thrust them aside. I found that it is more important to Love those who stand in your wake touting the things you treasure the most in effigy. Honor them for their refusal to grow while Respect is given even if only from your understanding of peace.
Todd M. Dobson
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