1st of October 2007
GAY PRIDE – What Does It Really Mean
When I first acknowledged to myself that I was a gay man, almost an eternity ago, I felt none of the gay people depicted on the news or I read about in the papers represented me as a gay man. So when friends asked if I would join in the local Gay Pride celebration, I declined for that very reason.
The only gay people I grew up knowing were two very effeminate men that lived in completely different parts of the small town I grew up in. The impression of being gay that was indelible left upon me was not what I saw for my life. I recognized the same stereotypes that everybody else saw and assumed all gay men were like; and the homophobia that was overtly present in all straight people, permeated through my thoughts as well. I witnessed other kids and their parents talking about those two gay men with their effeminate mannerisms as thought they were the scourge of the planet using words of disgust, vile and in a manner of total revulsion. The sad fact of the matter was that I agreed with them at my young age and on occasion I am saddened to say I would join in the conversations. There are many gay men and lesbian women who fault their own kind by stereotyping the very people who were the face of our community.
It was sad when the only other picture of gay life that I knew about was what the news media showed as the typical gay man in his leather costume. An over-compensating butch man exposing himself while being surrounded by his leather gear only to be over acted by the extremely nelly drag queens who dressed in women’s clothing and pranced around also exposing themselves for humanity’s sake. I thought then as many people think today - none of these homosexuals represent me. I convinced myself that I was not like any of them because I don’t want to dress in women’s clothing, or in leather gear or expose my genitals to the world just for the sake of doing it. I told myself then that there is much more to me than just being a gay man.
When you’re fourteen years old, you can’t image how the twist and turns of life will mold you as a person, much less how dramatically life can change the mind as you mature. I never considered myself homophobic, because I was a gay man and therefore gay men could not be homophobic. I also never considered who I might be hurting by repeating my horrible words that “Gay Pride did not represent who I was as a person”. I would even justify my homophobia by explaining that I was so much more than whom I had sex with. Now, if that doesn’t just sound like the sound blob written by the Christian Coalition, I don’t know how I could have been any more filled with hate.
It is horrible to believe that gay and lesbian people can themselves be homophobic to their own kind. Now, before you rip my head off, there are varying degrees of hate. You can be a little phobic, but tolerant for the most part. You can see this in heterosexual people all the time. A co-worker who knows you’re gay and responds with no big deal, lets say in a positive manner and expressing acceptance. It doesn’t seem to bother them at first, but later you get this feeling that they have purposely distanced themselves from you. This sense grows more prevalent as it continues to happen, but you’re not able to really point to any one thing that proves this nagging sensation. You let things pass knowing that they will only persist, not diminish as time continues to pass. It is like a irritation that you know exist, but can’t for the life of you place your finger on exactly what could be wrong. Over time you find more and more distance separating you and that co-worker and as more time passes you sense the issue really is a latent homophobia.
Another case in point is true of many families of gays or lesbians. The family says they accept you for who you are, however, your homosexuality is not spoken about and neither is anyone you date or love. They may accept you and discuss parts of your life, but your lover is not welcomed in their home or must sleep in a separate room. They may even go as far as accepting you and your spouse in to their home, discussing your lives; but supporting gay issues such as gay marriage…no that is out of the question. In almost all cases even the most accepting families feel it is a choice you made and while they don’t understand why you would ever make that choice, they accept that you did in their minds and that to them is acceptance. As I was telling you earlier, there are varying degrees of hate and acceptance.
These same things happen within the gay community amongst our own people. You hear it all the time by gays who say they don’t care about gay marriage and refuse to fight for equal rights. They may never want to marry another person; however, it is their own dark hearts, filled with hate that immobilizes them from a fight for equal rights. They themselves are gay, so how can they not want or see that each and every person in the
We have our own clashes between gay sub-groups that individually want to assert their rights to their own existence. If we don’t have enough hate emanating around us, we have it consuming us from within. Before you get angry at me for point it out and before you respond to the hate within our own kind, we must understand where this hate originates. Thousand’s of years of oppression have changed the way the world once thought. Many centuries of hate and oppression made people forget what it was to love and accept everyone as they were and without prejudice. They were taught over the years how to hate and who to hate and homosexuality has been at the top of that list for thousands of years.
Bring that down to our own lives today and we were brought into this world loving and accepting, but we learned how to hate anything or anyone gay. The news media, our family and friends did not know how to handle anything different and they were thought homosexuality was wrong. It was un-natural and un-clean. Being gay was against nature and above all it was against GOD. How any of us could ever stand a chance at being a whole person when for our entire early years we were inundated with the messages of hate. It is why coming to terms with our own sexuality can be such an arduous task for each one of us. It is also why those of our very own can show tendencies of hate against others within our own communities. Hate and acceptance are two entirely different opposing aspects and a person can accept themselves without accepting all who share their fate. It is a harsh reality, but one that is rooted within our own humanity none the less.
The pictures I paint with my words can be a harsh view to accept; but I am over run with optimism that each one of us can make a difference. That view doesn’t have to happen to us or right now. We have everything that we need to change it and it starts within ourselves and then within our own communities. We must denounce hate of all kinds. We must love and accept ourselves as individual people, but also love and accept our community for its own diversity. The gym rats, the nelly boys, the drag queens, the leather guys, the bull dikes, the lipstick lesbians and all homosexual people must open their hearts and know the road they share is with all of the people surrounding them…even if they aren’t of their own kind.
I can stand on my soap box and pontificate to all sides touting the obvious that we have so many people who hate and loath all homosexuals that it is futile not to love ourselves no matter the subcultures that divide our community. A unified group makes it more difficult for all others to segregate and concur. If we continue fighting within our own population instead of honoring our similarities; how can we ever expect the heterosexual world to ever love and accept us as a unified group?
These are the easy comments that everyone knows, but look at my 2007 pictures of Atlanta Gay Pride and see the diversity within our community (Myspace Pictures: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=95276627&albumId=1236125 ). Notice the diversity as you see men, women and children all around. There were people of all ages and all backgrounds, all nationality, all colors and it was amazing to witness. The people on the floats were scantily clothed as you normally see on the media and in the news papers. You saw the leather guys, dykes on bikes, guys in dresses, girls that looked like boys; but then, there were beautiful women who could pass as female models and sculpted men like they stepped out of the pages of GQ magazine, couples with their children and thousands that looked just like you and me. Everyone was beautiful to witness and our differences showed as brightly as the colors making the rainbow that represents our oppression. The greatest effects of PRIDE in any city are the people who come together supporting each other in front of the rest of the world. I saw so many people and talked with countless men and women of all ages from every walk of life. The thing I couldn’t get beyond was how many couples openly displaying the love they shared together without inhibition. It didn’t matter what sub-group they claimed; love was the central focus for Gay Pride in
Love and support are the reasons that every gay man, woman and child need to experience Gay Pride somewhere…so you know that you are not alone in this world or within our own diverse community. The scared fourteen year old boy trying to come to terms with my own homosexuality could have used the support Gay Pride has been providing millions since the sixties and I am sorry it took me so many years to learn that message of hope.
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As for The David Magazine (a local Atlanta Gay/Lesbian Magazine that is published weekly): and the gay individuals who write every week in the Bitch Session section of the magazine. You more than anyone need to heed my message. While you complain weekly about people from outside your individual sub-group, remember, that each person may be the next victim of a gay bashing or hate crime. You may be the next one receiving hate as it drips from the lips or the fingertips of a homophobic person expressing their loath and disgust for gay
by: Todd M. Dobson
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