Leaving it all behind...

28th of December 2007

Leaving it all behind…

It occurred to me that for forty years I've been carrying around problems that have accumulated from day one in this life. If you've read any of my previous blogs, you know that living a charmed life was never for me. However this life has begun, I can unequivocally say; that I am fine with the path my life has taken and can't wait to see the direction it takes.

We are the sum of our steps in this life. We are today, where we've come from in our past. The nights I laid crying, the pain of physical abuse and the horrors of mental cruelty were just experiences that have prepared me for who I am today. There were good times interspersed throughout the horrible days and nights. Those good times with family also molded the man I've become. We come in to this world knowing how to love and for those of us who don't find our families the most loving or caring people to guide us in the process of growing up; we may find it arduous in letting go of the twinge. The bad and the good in our lives is the mix that creates us.

I type these words with the most open heart I've had in years or possibly in for ever. I believe them with every fiber of my being and I know exactly what I'm asking people to do. I have a father that denounces my existence because I'm not what he wanted for a son, but also because is current wife doesn't like a homosexual in the family. My mother barely speaks with me because she is caught between the different factions of our family. Those others have their own reasons for not wanting me to tell my stories, state what I know or express my feelings to the outward world. My older sister and her daughter can't forgive, forget or consider that I might actually be an honorable man. My younger sister is the one that is the most ambivalent about our relationship, but I restrain from a close relationship between us because of the actions along with the disinformation that was used the last time I opened my home and my heart to them. These family members, who I love, found my blogs several months ago. In locating what I've tried to tell them about for over a year, they also found that I have a book being published, which has once again placed me far outside the loving circle of my family.

I still espouse that letting go of my past and of the negative family emotions make me a happier, more peaceful person. It is easy to wallow in the past. It is not uncommon to blame the failures of today on the struggles and abuses from yesterday. What does it buy you other than a one-time pass for the problem you currently face and when does that pass expire? When do we mature and take responsibility for our own lives and halt the blame we tag those who negatively affected our lives?

These are difficult questions to answer and some people go their entire lives without finding suitable responses. They are extremely risky because the answers can be as simple as removing those who refuse to accentuate the positives in your life. In many cases that means eliminating family from having such an influence over us!

Removing the negatives in order to accentuate the positives is far more difficult than one might think, especially when that directly means going without the acceptance from the ones you naturally turn to first. My father wants nothing to do with me. Not really a negative, but when he tears me apart at every turn, slanders and assassinates my character, this defines the negative. It means that I decided to forgo my father being a part of my life in hopes that finding peace in my soul and love in my heart would fill the void left by his absence.

I don't advocate shutting out all of your family members without spending a great deal of time trying to resolve all concerns and work through your past with parents and siblings to create a positive environment. Only when all attempts to create this type of equilibrium fail consecutively, do I advocate cutting ties to focus on improving your life. Take these steps to create a whole person within yourself. In doing so, let go of the past. Let go of the feelings of hate and pain. Let go of everything that is not positive or good within your heart. Forgive those who inflicted the torturous moments that haunt you. By letting go, you heal yourself and create someone stronger in place of the person you know today. Be the person you want to be and lose the chains keeping you back in those moments of anguish. You have your own freedom to gain and to lose all that holds you from being the full person you are meant to be.


Before you can Love, Honor & Respect anyone else

You must first Love, Honor & Respect yourself!


Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson