Celebrate Father's Day

10th of June 2008

CELEBRATE FATHER’S DAY

You may be wondering why and how I can instigate the celebration of Father’s Day. If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know my immediate family is the antithesis of a first-class example. That doesn’t mean that growing up as a child or now as an adult that I don’t dream of having the perfect father!

As you think about Father’s Day, go back in time and remember your dad and the things he did for you during the time you were growing up. Please don’t judge him, just recall those happy times and the events where he showed his love. If your father, like mine, was not the cherished example of parenthood; it is easy to fault him, blame him and remember the fights, the anger and in some cases like mine, the physical and mental abuse. I challenge you to find the times where he said something without anger - something that made your heart beat that one extra beat. Search for the moment where his pride created a compliment that he said to you instead of just about you bragging to others. If you have that father and can’t image what I’m talking about…I am so happy for you and assert that you need to cherish the man who gave you a loving, nurturing environment to be a child in.

I believe having children is a gift that not everyone deserves. There are many men who do receive such perfect treasures; and yet are not prepared or don’t wish to be the benefactor of such delicate riches. I wish every child born into this world could have all of the parents who want to be fathers lined up and they get to choose the father they wish to be with. That way the men who can’t have children, but wish to provide love, nurture and everything else a child needs can fulfill the dreams in their life while providing that which every child deserves.

If you find yourself estranged from your father or like me refer to him as the donor, think about something that I believe with all my heart - don’t look at your dad into your past from the eyes or with the heart of the child. Look into your past as the adult you are right now. As you remember the goings on of yesterday, think about several things: 1.) the men of our generation, our father’s generations and the few before were all parented to be ultra-masculine men. The set manner a man acted and interpreting things was devoid of feelings because men were not supposed to have them. Only now are men finding that it is good to feel and to be a complete person one must sense and learn to do so with their heart. 2.) Men have only been dragged into the parenting phase of life in the last two generations. Most have been fighting, but some have found that the greatest gift in having a child is being there, witnessing their growth, and holding their tiny hands as they shakily take that first step. 3.) It is incumbent upon you and me to show our dads what true unconditional love is by thanking them for bringing you into this world.

I cannot tell you how liberating it is to do something as easy as buying a card for your father (it doesn’t have to be one of those mousy cards dripping with sentiments of love for the perfect father) that simply tells him that you thank him for being the reason you’re here - and as you send that card, forgive the man who gave you life along with all of his inadequacies. He is not perfect and he may have been wrong, but when you can forgive and love him regardless, you are the one who receives the gift on this Father’s Day! Unconditional Love will always set you free.

Your humble servant – Todd M Dobson