Gay Rights - A World Issue

13th of August 2009


GAY RIGHTS – A WORLD ISSUE


Thomas Jefferson once stated, “No man has a natural right to commit aggression on the equal rights of another, and this is all from which the laws ought to restrain him.”

I have written many times about the atrocious fight for gay rights within the United States of America. We love to state that we are the freest country in the world, and yet I am still unable to love or marry the person with whom I chose to love.

I remember all too well how when I walked into my first gay bar, I had to look around the parking lot across the street from the bar. You didn’t dare park directly at the bar because many people would drive by as they shouted and yelled racial epithets. News crews frequently drove by with cameras running just to catch one or many people entering the bar in hopes to ruin another life. If a group of guys could catch you alone leaving the club or walking towards the bar; they would beat you, bash you and they could care less if you lived or died.

The problem was that most people didn’t care if a FAG was killed. Their loathing for the person who was beaten or killed gave very little reasons for the authorities to look too deeply into the offense. Religion has been alienating homosexuals for centuries. In fact, religion looked down upon the Greeks and the Romans who regarded homosexuality as a normal part of life with disdain, rejection and killing since before Jesus Christ walked this earth.

Weeks ago I was deeply saddened when I made a friend who lives in Tehran, Iran. My friend happens to be gay, even though President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of The Republic of Iran said when asked about homosexuals in Iran, “In Iran, we don’t have homosexuals, like in your country.“ When pushed on the issue, he said “In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I don’t know who’s told you that we have it.” It saddened me as I talked via email messages and chat sessions with my friend that he lives in fear every day in Iran. He fears that someone will find out that he is gay. If someone knows that he is gay and does not say, the arm of Islam will severely punish them. He says that being gay is against Islam and for that offense; he would be killed by hanging after being stoned. Religion has been crucifying gay people for centuries, but in today’s date and time, why would any country knowingly and willingly sanction the killing of people simply because they love a person of the same sex?

Much to the chagrin of both President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, homosexuality is alive and thriving within the boarders of Iran. Regardless of the efforts of all Islamic countries, gay men and women will continue to come from straight people. Both leaders can deny the existence of homosexuality within their boarders as with all other Islamic countries, but to contradict it does not extinguish it. You can slaughter all known FAGS, but that will never impede the propagation nor slow any returns.

President Ahmadinejad said when he visited the United States, that “We are a peaceful, loving nation,” so can the world expect that this isolation and killing of homosexuals will diminish. If either the President of Iran or it’s Islamic leader, Ayatollah Khamenei truly wish to show how Iran is a peaceful and loving nation, then stop killing your own people and show compassion to those who can no more change a part of their life than change the country of their birth. If you will not change the civilized treatment of citizens of your country, then let them leave and find another life in another place. Allow them to live a life with dignity while openly loving a person of the same sex. What would be even better and go beyond embracing all of humanity; legalize the lives and the love of all people…homosexual or otherwise and do what the United States can’t seem to do for its own citizens. Go beyond where you are and treat all people with LOVE, HONOR and RESPECT!

To those who live in Islamic countries, remember that the Koran states, “If Allah brings you to it, He will bring you through it.” This tells me that if you are born gay, it is because you are supposed to live a life loving people of the same sex and no one can ever denounce that part of you, but you. I would remind all Islam, “Stingyness has nothing to do with how much money you have. Neither does generosity. Its about how much heart you’ve got.” Show how Islam is truly about Love and Peace by loving all persons and if you cannot, allow those you wish removed from you sight to leave your country. Hassan al Basri once stated, “The World is three days: As for yesterday, it has vanished, along with all that was in it. As for tomorrow, you may never see it. As for today, it is yours, so work in it.” Give all people today so that they may Live Life Fully with LOVE, HONOR and RESPECT.


Your humble servant – Todd M Dobson

Response to Michael: Huckabee's Double Standards

Michael's Comments:

Michael Hopwood, CMI's Comment:

"That is a very strong argument against this candidate. I found it to be an interesting read yet I do feel the need to ask a question or two. Which, in your opinion, of the candidates currently running do you feel would stand up for the rights of the homosexual community and by that I mean not just announce they agree, but actually fight for those rights that every other American currently has? And I guess my second question is, are any of them actually honest in the speeches they make concerning those freedoms which are lacking for the gay community? I personally am not politically minded but am a registered voter and vote, however, my personal views don't always agree with that of the average gay man and therefore I sometimes get "beat down" for my beliefs. I further feel that since "Heterosexual Americans" feel so threatened by their sacred "marriages" that the term marriage should be removed and a term such as "Commitment", "Domestic Partner" should replace the word thus eliminating the threat heterosexual people seem to associate with two people making a choice to be together and share their lives as one.

Just my opinion. Have a great day. I love reading your blogs BTW.

Michael"

7th of January 2008

Hello Michael,

Thank you for reading my blogs and thank you for your compliments.

You raise some interesting questions that I will answer to the best of my abilities. As always, these are my thoughts and my feelings on the subject of Mike Huckabee. As you can tell, I do not like the man or his overt homophobia that he feels justified in displaying as a badge of honor based on his "Good Christian Values".

My dislike for Mr. Huckabee comes from the fact that we know that all politicians lie and make promises they have no intentions of ever fulfilling. They disguise their own biases as to show only what they feel needs to be disseminated in order to get them elected. After they win the elections do you start to see the substance or lack there of within the person you placed such faith within. If he is so comfortable to speak openly about his hate with such loathing for homosexuals, it scares me what lurks behind the curtain.

Huckabee reminds me with great parallels that Hitler was an extremely charismatic man who spoke openly to an undercurrent of hate that many of the German people recognized within them, but knew could not be acted upon as a civilized society until such a leader substantiated their rights to hate. Once Hitler came into power he was given free rein to espouse the loathing venom that ran within him because his rise to power was built on it. Likewise if Mike Huckabee feels justified in his hate and loathing for homosexuals before being elected to office, what could we expect as a community if he were ever elected President of the United States?

As to your questions; I don't know who best stands up for the homosexual community and I am currently trying to ascertain that information. I sent to seven of the candidates today seven questions to help me make an informed decision based on a variety of issues. My questions went to Republicans and Democrats and covered a range of topics that I find to be important to most Americans. I realize that getting one person to stand up during an election and tell the truth, that all gay men and lesbian women are granted the exact same rights given to every heterosexual man and woman via our United States Constitution would be improbable, but I do dare to dream. I don't expect to choose one candidate based on gay rights issues alone, but obviously it will be a factor in my decision.

I agree that our political process leaves a great deal to be desired in its current state. Partisan politics has divided Washington leaving our process grid locked and broken with the people suffering are you and me. Politicians run polls to tell them everything before they ever make a decision or they base the few decisions they do make on partisanship instead of what is right for their constituents. They are worst than actors on the big screen because we pay actors to entertain us and their lies are inherent to the job they must do convincing us they are the part they play. When an actor does a good job lying to us, we don't consider them dishonest – just good actors. However, when the people we elected to represent our interest are caught acting more like actors then the honorable people we expected them to me, we do reference that as deceit.

We need to push our current elected officials in to changing the way Washington works. We need both sides of our Legislative process to work together for the common good – We The People. We the populace of America needs to send a strong message starting with this Presidential election that partisan politics will get you fired and that we want elected officials who can once again rest on their laurels. Honor and integrity need to be words with sincere meanings and special interest, PAC money and lobbying efforts by Corporate America needs to be removed from the political process. We must make the political process works for us again. We are the reason our Government is in Washington. If Washington won't clean itself up, then it is incumbent upon us to force them too. If our elected officials think it is justifiable to spread hate for any one group of people, it is our job to tell them emphatically "NO". The world is changing and the United States has slipped from being one of the mightiest leaders. We need leadership that will maneuver the United States of America towards reclaiming our glory once again. That starts with you and me getting involved as you said and voting. I don't care how you vote or who you vote for, but make your voice be heard.

Change starts with each of us and I am ready to see great change to bring America back to where we once stood – Proud – Strong & Free! We can do all of that and do so by Loving, Honoring & Respecting everyone…it just takes you and me to get started. Be the voice of change by getting involved.

Thank you Michael and I hope I answered your questions.

Your Humble Servant – Todd M. Dobson

Huckabee's Double Standards

6th of January 2008

Huckabee’s Double Standards

If you visit the Mike Huckabee Presidential web site (www.mikehuckabee.com), you see in the upper right corner the tag line “FAITH.FAMILY.FREEDOM”. In multiple speeches given in New Hampshire, Huckabee made references to our founding fathers and the notions of liberty and freedoms.

Huckabee needs to focus more on the issues that need solutions rather than bringing up the legacy set forth by our founding fathers. While I’m sure none of our founding fathers had to worry about homosexuality as an issue, however, I feel strongly that they would have dealt with it in far more positive manner than Mike Huckabee. As for Huckabee claiming that he stands for Freedom and Liberty, it goes to shows the extent a politician will lie in order to say the right buzz words.

Words have meanings that need to be utilized as they were intended for use. As I look in my trusty Webster Dictionary; the word liberty is defined as: “freedom from external or foreign rule; independence”. Mr. Huckabee, please explain to me how you saying that homosexuals are abhorrent expresses your view of gays and lesbians liberties. How when you take the oath of office to represent all United States citizens will you protect my liberties and freedoms as you swear on a Bible to do so? Please explain the dichotomy between what you are saying about homosexuals and what you mean when you express the rights to liberty that all Americans are granted by the Bill of Rights and the Constitution of the United States? Either you are lying to the citizens when you say you are a candidate who supports the rights of the people, or are you lying when a book your wrote as well as speeches you’ve given place homosexuals to the status of second class citizens. Who else is less than you in that quest for liberty? What other group won’t measure up and will feel your wrath if you were to achieve the office you seek?

Our second word that Huckabee seems to have forgotten its meaning is freedom: exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc. How am I free with you running this country? How do I stand a chance to live a life with the same freedoms that my neighbors, my family members or any heterosexual counterparts receive instantly in your eyes? How are my needs being met when you state openly that I am in the same company as pedophilia, sadomasochism and necrophilia? How do I feel the force of freedom when you tell GQ “that “civilization” may not survive if “what marriage and family means” is “rewritten” to allow gay marriage”? Please explain your definition of the word Freedom and what it means to you so that I and the rest of the United States knows what you mean, because right now I have an absolute sense that under your administration I have no freedoms as a gay man.

Huckabee states that he is a Religious man, yet that is a very ambiguous argument. So how would Huckabee answer the question “What would Jesus do if he stood in front of me? Would he deny my rights, my liberties and my freedoms? Does Huckabee touting his Religious background say that he himself is GOD and gets to choose my role in society? I am eager to know how Huckabee explains that Jesus said on several occasions how religion and politics should be separated and during his time fervently refrained from making political statements. If we must remember that it was the theological leaders who pushed for the death of Jesus Christ. Where would Huckabee have stood during the time Jesus Christ was crucified, because based on his positions and his need to be in the middle of the majority, he would have been right there in the midst with the other religious leaders asking for Jesus to die!

We need a President that will unite all of the many people who claim this great nation as home. We desperately need a leader who will take up the difficult stance of telling groups that wish to deny others their rights why they can’t do that instead of a leader that gives in to popular demands. We need a leader who if they were back in the day of Christ, would have stood up to all the other religious leaders making them realize how they benefited by Jesus walking the earth.

Mike Huckabee is not the man we need leading us. He doesn’t have the character it requires to do what is right; he wants to get by with doing what is easy. Huckabee needs to step aside and let one of the other candidates take center stage and he needs to be relegated back to his Baptist Church in Arkansas right next to the Farwell family and their Baptist Church.

Your Humble Servant – Todd M. Dobson

Leaving it all behind...

28th of December 2007

Leaving it all behind…

It occurred to me that for forty years I've been carrying around problems that have accumulated from day one in this life. If you've read any of my previous blogs, you know that living a charmed life was never for me. However this life has begun, I can unequivocally say; that I am fine with the path my life has taken and can't wait to see the direction it takes.

We are the sum of our steps in this life. We are today, where we've come from in our past. The nights I laid crying, the pain of physical abuse and the horrors of mental cruelty were just experiences that have prepared me for who I am today. There were good times interspersed throughout the horrible days and nights. Those good times with family also molded the man I've become. We come in to this world knowing how to love and for those of us who don't find our families the most loving or caring people to guide us in the process of growing up; we may find it arduous in letting go of the twinge. The bad and the good in our lives is the mix that creates us.

I type these words with the most open heart I've had in years or possibly in for ever. I believe them with every fiber of my being and I know exactly what I'm asking people to do. I have a father that denounces my existence because I'm not what he wanted for a son, but also because is current wife doesn't like a homosexual in the family. My mother barely speaks with me because she is caught between the different factions of our family. Those others have their own reasons for not wanting me to tell my stories, state what I know or express my feelings to the outward world. My older sister and her daughter can't forgive, forget or consider that I might actually be an honorable man. My younger sister is the one that is the most ambivalent about our relationship, but I restrain from a close relationship between us because of the actions along with the disinformation that was used the last time I opened my home and my heart to them. These family members, who I love, found my blogs several months ago. In locating what I've tried to tell them about for over a year, they also found that I have a book being published, which has once again placed me far outside the loving circle of my family.

I still espouse that letting go of my past and of the negative family emotions make me a happier, more peaceful person. It is easy to wallow in the past. It is not uncommon to blame the failures of today on the struggles and abuses from yesterday. What does it buy you other than a one-time pass for the problem you currently face and when does that pass expire? When do we mature and take responsibility for our own lives and halt the blame we tag those who negatively affected our lives?

These are difficult questions to answer and some people go their entire lives without finding suitable responses. They are extremely risky because the answers can be as simple as removing those who refuse to accentuate the positives in your life. In many cases that means eliminating family from having such an influence over us!

Removing the negatives in order to accentuate the positives is far more difficult than one might think, especially when that directly means going without the acceptance from the ones you naturally turn to first. My father wants nothing to do with me. Not really a negative, but when he tears me apart at every turn, slanders and assassinates my character, this defines the negative. It means that I decided to forgo my father being a part of my life in hopes that finding peace in my soul and love in my heart would fill the void left by his absence.

I don't advocate shutting out all of your family members without spending a great deal of time trying to resolve all concerns and work through your past with parents and siblings to create a positive environment. Only when all attempts to create this type of equilibrium fail consecutively, do I advocate cutting ties to focus on improving your life. Take these steps to create a whole person within yourself. In doing so, let go of the past. Let go of the feelings of hate and pain. Let go of everything that is not positive or good within your heart. Forgive those who inflicted the torturous moments that haunt you. By letting go, you heal yourself and create someone stronger in place of the person you know today. Be the person you want to be and lose the chains keeping you back in those moments of anguish. You have your own freedom to gain and to lose all that holds you from being the full person you are meant to be.


Before you can Love, Honor & Respect anyone else

You must first Love, Honor & Respect yourself!


Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

The Meaning of Christmas

14th of December 2007

The Meaning of Christmas

The true meaning of Christmas should always bring a smile to your face and peace in your heart. During the holidays, a grin is used by people who normally scowl, a gift is left by those who normally expect to receive, the smell of snow, the feel of a roaring fire, the taste of roasting nuts and the smell of winter green from the trees filling the air like a blanket draping over a cold body on a frosty night. Your ears hear the sounds of music from carolers at every turn and your senses feel the harmony in the air that draws closer this one time a year. To walk the streets with snow falling, the store front windows decorated and lights with tensile glowing all around will help set the mood for a truly magical time.

Anything that brings peace to three quarters of the world, even if only for one day, is worthy of everyone who lives every where taking part of its majesty.

CHRISTMAS = WORLD PEACE

Christmas may be a Christian holiday, but when peace is abounding the world around, the holiday should be celebrated weather you are a Christian or not.

I celebrate Christmas in a very special way; by paying homage to my Great Grandpa Lalka in repeating his acts of kindness. Helping those who need a guiding hand while simultaneously keeping my great grandpa’s legacy a live is giving me new meaning every year I am able to place a smile on the face of the children who might otherwise go without a blessing on this day.

Great Grandpa Lalka (Paul Lalka), his family (sons, daughters, brothers and sisters) lived in the Washington (Tacoma) Valley after moving from Czechoslovakia. My great grandpa had a coal business and his brothers owned various stores like a shoe cobbler, a furniture maker and each had his own farm. Because of their businesses, they knew the families in the region who needed a little extra help. In the old country, the family trade was carving and all of the Lalka men whittled. They would fashion toys year round and put together baskets of food to accompany the toys for the family. These baskets were left at the homes on Christmas Eve for the children to find come Christmas day, hence continuing the legend of Santa Clause.

The Lalka family persisted to give year after year eventually garnering attention to their kindness that was happening throughout the Washington Valley. As word spread of their good deeds, my great grandpa took on a new persona for himself and in his duplicitous nature; he felt he needed a new suite that better match his role. He and his brothers created an authentic Santa Suite.

They used crush red velvet for the jacket, pants and the hat. My great grandpa trapped rabbits and used the white fur to line the lapel of the jacket, the cuffs of the sleeves and the brim of the hat. One brother created a very wide belt and another made a huge brass buckle and hand carved buttons for the jacket. My great grandpa didn’t need any padding; he had just enough of his own. He had thinning snow white hair with a long naturally flowing beard.

The family lineage dates back to the fourteenth century and was not our original surname. The last name Lalka was given to the family by a princess as an ancestor walked in to a small village during her visit. As he waited to meet the Princess, she was taken by his alabaster skin, rosy red cheeks, beautiful eyes and striking good looks. She called him lalka meaning doll because she thought he was as beautiful as a doll. The name was taken by the family to honor the princess. This being said, great grandpa Lalka had alabaster skin with rosy red cheeks and a crimson nose. He was the epitome of Santa Clause with the suite that portrayed the jolly man within.

My great grandpa was offered money by every major department store on the North West coast, but he reserved his gifts for those who truly needed them and pandering money to perform acts of kindness was not his motivation. I was honored to have found his legacy and more so to feel the desire to continue keeping it alive. When Great Grandpa passed away, he was given tribute by every major news paper up and down the North West coast with many reserving front page headlines such as the one in the Seattle Tribune, “Santa Clause has Died”!

No one could know that this simple man born in to the meager means of a Czechoslovakian family would have such a positive impact on so many lives. He was a real man who made many mistakes, but giving true love to those who needed was not one of his misgivings. Striving to be just a little more like my Great Grandpa on a daily basis is what Christmas means to me.

While I know it is a Christian holiday, it has pagan roots, but more importantly, when any one day can bring three-quarters of the world together in harmony and with peace, it deserves to be shared and enjoyed by all. I don’t care if it is referred too via any other name, but enjoy the day – share in the enlightenment of the moment and give freely to those who don’t share your gifts.

More importantly, for those parents who wish to teach their children of the true meaning of Christmas...ask your child to give just one toy of their choosing to a child in need. Show them by example with donations to charities who help the less fortunate or something as simple as donating your time to feed the homeless. Children learn when we aren’t teaching. They learn more by our examples then anything lesson we choose to teach. Lessons on compassion and what it truly means to give will do so much in the way of extending the legacy of Santa Clause or someone more down to earth like Paul Lalka.

Christmas is meant to be shared and enjoyed by all and to me that is giving to someone who might otherwise go without. Spread the Christmas Joy and spread this message to all you know and love.

May each and every one reading this be over-come with Love and Peace for the holidays, and each and every day you believe in my message. Thank you for sharing in my meaning of Christmas and may it give you some meaning within your life too.

~~ Warmest wishes for everyone on this day and every day to come~~

Todd M. Dobson

Closing this Blog

19^th of November 2007

Dear Readers,

I must tell you how much I’ve enjoyed writing over the past two years and I am compelled to Thank You for reading these words. I started writing in hopes that my experiences and thoughts could open the minds and the hearts of everyone. I have shared some deeply personal events from my past and present life hoping you might learn from my mistakes or help you do a better job than I did with similar situations. My dreams are that you might use my words as insight to making a better life for yourself and the people you love.

I have been honored by many of you with emails and comments that have challenged me while also showing your appreciation for my words and how many of you receive them. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your support, your questions and the love you’ve shown me over the past two years and it has made me an improved writer, but most importantly it has made me a better person. That is why I write and publish such personal insight into my life in hopes you can help me become a more loving, caring person. The kind of person who knows how to empathize when necessary, the kind of person who can stand tall with the knowledge that you’ve made me choose a better life for myself and for the people I love. You’re emails have touched my heart as you’ve conveyed how you felt the same way as I describe previous experiences. I can only hope that you’ve learned something…anything from my experiences and that I have touched your lives if only in a fraction of the manner each of you has touched mine.

It is with these words that I am enormously saddened that I will not be blogging under my name or under the mantra “Love, Honor & Respect”. It has come to my attention that there are people close to me who take my words, turn them and use them in hopes of tarnishing my character. While I care less what people think about me; I am extremely comforted with the knowledge that I am making myself a man of morals, a man who cares greatly for others and only want to share that mindset with the rest of the world. I am encouraged to find that many people read my words of wisdom finding them as something to cherish instead of how others use my words to dishonor me for their own person/professional gain. I can only say that a person who has so little love for themselves can only feel happiness and pleasure at the expense of others and thereby they are not worthy of being called my friend or family.

For these reasons and only these reasons I have created a pseudonym and will continue publishing my words via other blogging sites. I am extremely distressed to say this will be my final blog on this and all sites under the mantra “Love, Honor & Respect”. If you wish to read my words, please email me at blog@tmdobson.com and I will gladly forward you the sites you will be able to read my thoughts.

Thank you again for the support and love you’ve shared with me and I hope you find my other sites as compelling and sensitive as my existing one has been.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Comments from Danie450 & My Response

Comment from Danie450 (as posted to my blog on www.wordpress.com)

In their disgust and hatred the Phelps are themselves committing sin. They should be trying to show their Christian love be trying to compassionately, yet calmly, convincing homosexuals that they are not on the path to God and Salvation, but will be denied by God - a VERY SAD God too. For He does NOT want to deny them. If they should choose not to follow God’s plan, then they shall not be forgiven and their souls forever destroyed. They should be fruitful and multiply. They must procreate. This means lay with women. I have no hatred toward homosexuals and wish them well and pray that they will be enlightened and find favor in God’s eye.

Hello Danie450,

I read your comments multiple times trying to gain some insight. After several detailed searches on you, I am perplexed with you as much as the dichotomy of your words. I must first say that I am greatly appreciative that you read my thoughts and took the time to remark on them. That will never escape my recognition and within itself, it says something about you as a person and this subject matter.

I appreciate your understanding of my dislike for Mr. Phelps and his followers. Their recklessness and headline seeking behavior has hurt many innocent people and that needs to be acknowledged no matter if you agree with me or with Mr. Phelps’ representation of the real issues. Having a cause does not necessitate the right of its focus. In the zeal Mr. Phelps has against homosexuality, he has directed his anger at the innocent people who many of whom, themselves would agree with his original purpose before being tolerant for mine. I do understand that while I am defending the thousands of men and women who serve in our armed forces, I also know that the highest percentage of them would rather watch me die than to defend me directly based on my sexual orientation. That is ironic since I would give my life to keep them breathing and dreaming with their family and friends for just one more day beyond the ones they were given.

Mr. Phelps is extremely misdirected in his efforts for attention to his cause and he will go to any lengths possible to espouse that bigotry and anger for all to hear and see. His faith is based so little in religion and that which is truly of God as apposed to him. Mr. Phelps and his followers will eventually know the truth that constantly judging others will only get you judged by all. Mr. Phelps is a highly intelligent man who if he used his talents for good instead of hate, could find the results truly liberating instead of feeling like a weight that anchors him to the one position that makes him equally as unhappy.

All of that being said – Danie450, please explain to me the darkness surrounding your own heart. You are a gifted, intelligent woman who can have so many things handed right too you, so please explain to me what has your heart in the shadows and covered in such darkness as apposed to the love you could be rejoicing in. You have great abilities to reason and yet you strive with such a zest to show the antithesis of everything you should be demonstrating and that has me greatly concerned for you.

For greater understanding can you please tell me when did you first decide you were a heterosexual woman? You may think it a slight on you, however it is not, please honestly explain to me when did you choose to be a straight person? The reason for my question is as simple as it sounds, because I don’t remember when I choose to be gay and almost 100 percent of the heterosexual and homosexual friends and family I’ve asked this same question tell me there was never a time when they chose to be straight or gay. So a major premise of your notion is that I choose to be gay and therefore because it is written in the bible that homosexuality is a sin, thereby, I am a sinner because of my choices. So let’s eliminate that first incorrect assumption.

I never chose to be gay just as I assume you did not choose to be straight. If it truly comes down to a choice, who would I choose to be gay? Why would I choose to be isolated away from family, friends, and jobs limiting my options for every portion in life? If choosing to be straight is as simple as many would like the world to believe, why would I not make that choice immediately and make every body around me happy. Why would I choose to be the black sheep of my family based on being gay? Why would I choose a life style that from the Christian beliefs, I should contract HIV and AIDS.

There is no logical reason for any person to choose to be gay today when the world is so much easier when you are not. The other part of this comes down too accepting people for who they are as a person and not because of one portion of their lives. I am a man who happens to be gay, but I have a heart and a soul just like you do. The blood running through my veins is the same color as yours and if either of us is cut, we both feel the pain the same and we both bleed the very same. So please answer for me why being gay makes me less of a person than it makes you; because in my faith, I can never be a better person than you. I can never be anything but a different person than you. That has me questioning why you make it such a large part of your time seeking and responding to every thing about tolerance and acceptance and push it towards intolerance and never accepting others for being who they are?

As for your inference of faith and God, please understand that I come with a great base of faith in God. I would never take it upon myself to tell you or anyone else that your faith is less than mine or is misguided. However, I could never believe that God made me anything but the person I am. He gave me my heart and he made me in his own image. Because I know that to be true, I don’t even question when I witness hatred, I only question why that person chooses to be directed by hate instead of love as only God wanted us to be. He gave us a great ability to make choices over those things we can choose and who we love was one of them, but not the sex of the person we love. I can choose to live a loveless life if I were to listen to people as you believe, but why would I do that when everything about Jesus and God is all about love. So I embrace who I am and love freely and openly knowing there are people who feel I don’t deserve to do so. If I was made in his image, why should I start by questioning everything that is instinctive like the hand I favor, the love in my heart or the mind I was given. If I started questioning what I am, who I am and why I’m here; then I would never allow myself to be opened to anything or anyone.

I am opened to everyone and everything and I have great hope for everyone, especially people I can help open their hearts and their minds as they step through their own life journey. So please express to me why over 120 sites had your name tagged as a racist? That is a harsh label for someone who is more capable of choices then I am.

I am open to your questions and your concerns because I know you feel as though I have just attacked you, but please re-read what I’ve said because there is no judgment within the words on this page, but there is hope that I might positively impact your life in the direction of love, honor and respect rather than hate.

Take care my friend and I hope you are as opened to my words as I am trying to be to yours.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Message to Phelps...just not from God

Message to Phelps...just not from God

1^st of November 2007

Message to Phelps, but Not From God

$10.9 Million Dollar Message

Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka Kansas was given a very loud message yesterday, but will the Phelps Family and followers listen to a judgment that wasn't handed down from GOD?

I was deeply saddened in March of 2006 when I read that the funeral of slain Marine Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder had been picketed by the Phelps family with support of their church, Westboro Baptis Church. I moved rapidly from peaceful to rage within seconds at the seemingly repugnance I felt for how any one person could justify picketing with signs and bull horns at the funeral of any person. Then my rage boiled over because this wasn't just any person, this was a decorated, slain United States Marine who was fighting for the freedoms that allowed these sycophants to disturb the tragic circumstances the Snyder family had to endure as they tried to find solace in the death of their family member.

I was elated to read yesterday's news to see the awarded sum of more than 11.9 million dollars to be paid by the Phelps family and the Westboro Baptist Church. My first thought was it doesn't change the fact that the Snyder's lost their only son nor did it reduce the pain and suffering they endured on top of an already overwhelming time that no parent should ever have to undergo. I sat with a smile stretched across my face due to the good feelings about a judgment handed down by this jury without regret for the elation overwhelming me. Knowing how much I loath and hate judgments because they are rarely used for good, but rather mostly by those Christians to elevate themselves to a status level above all other sinners. I try to find the good in each and every person or circumstances. Even when I cannot understand someone for their starch opposition to any situation, I can normally find respect for the manner in which they justify their convictions.

This morning my heart was darkened by the fact that I could neither agree with their stance nor could I find respect for what they do or how they go about it. I strive daily to understand that which I don't know by asking myself if Jesus were here, how would this man have answered Mr. Phelps. If Jesus were here how would he show me to find the love in my heart for a man and a family that rages against humanity for the simple sake of an angry outburst? My position started to bother me more than the situation itself and I could not resolve myself to the position of judging even this horrible man for his actions. I pride myself in looking for both sides of every situation. I can find most motivational factors for most people and in the case of the Phelps' family, I still think the reason Mr. Fred Phelps is so insistent on anti-gay everything is that he is either a huge closeted homosexual that was incensed in his early years at the thoughts he probably had favoring another young man. It could have been that he secretly wants the largest bull dyke with a huge strap-on dick to fuck him and hard. It has to be the fist because I don't know any lesbian that would get close enough to Mr. Phelps' ass in order to even stick a titanic sized dildo within his enlarging prostrate…they have too much integrity to do something like that.

Seriously, my conundrum greatly disturbed me as I ate my breakfast this morning deeper in though than usual and it finally came to me! Todd, you are only human and Jesus was divinely guided, I am only guided by my beliefs and the heart beating within my chest and the soul encompassed by this physical form. I am able to be human and allow feelings that are not always of a higher order. I don't always have to find the good in absolutely everyone. Just to let you, my readers know, I am also not so deluded that I don't realize there are just bad people in this world and with whom doing bad things just for the sake of doing horrible acts against as many people as they can. I know this to be true, but even in those cases, a person can usually find a path that led them to where they are, rarely does a person get up one morning and decide they are going to picket the funeral of a grieving family for a decorated war hero. Crimes of hate are committed with far more planning and thought as apposed to being spontaneous.

Knowing this does not grant me any solace in the enjoyment I felt at the possible dissolution of a cult-like group calling themselves a church. Society as a whole must continue to search our hearts because Fred Phelps did not wake up one summer day in 1947 and decide he was going to be a man who would rid North America of all of its undesirables. The hate he feels was thought to him and he has continue cultivating his heritage of hate towards all who they deem are inferior.

Be brave enough to make up your own mind when listening to your local clergy, politician, family or friend who is espousing something that deep within your own heart you know to be wrong. We are better when we Love, Honor & Respect all of those who share the same air we breath, drink the same water we drink and the blood running within their veins gushes from their fragile body just as yours does when either is cut. Humanity is better without the Fred Phelps of the world and we have the power to silence the only voice he has.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Part II: Interesting Events Happened Today

5^th of November 2007,

Part II: Interesting Events Happened Today

I can’t believe how much the events of yesterday have bothered me. I had a busy day in the office; yet my mind was pre-occupied with the details of yesterday. It has been like a nagging fly that won’t leave me alone and even though I forced myself to focus on my work and the projects underway, this has been in the back of my head and worrisome. I was so packed with apprehension that would not alleviate that it was changing from light apprehension to extreme alarm with why this continued to bother me. When out of sheer exasperation, I finally cleared my mind it actually came to me as to why this has been such an over-burdening issue.

The construct of it is when the Sheppard boy cried wolf; that is what happened yesterday. I reacted out of instinct when the lady screamed and I witnessed the man running away with her purse. My response is not common; in fact, I was the only one who took off after him. Not one other person took those steps and that can have more to do with the facts that countless times the Good Samaritan becomes the victim today. I know it has stopped me from stopping to help someone that is on the side of the road at night. I instinctively did what was right to do under the circumstances, but my conscience won’t let it go because she was not in danger nor did she loose anything that belonged to her. The perception that called on me to respond not knowing if the man had a knife or a gun or if by tackling him would land me in a lawsuit because he might have been harmed at my reaction. None of these were thoughts as I responded to what we have been conditioned as a cry for help and in some small way, the need for protection. As it turned out, the woman in this matter was just acting and was in no danger at all. Because there was no danger, the risk I took had there not been a van for our villain to dive in to was far greater because had I actually tackled him, I would have been violating his rights as he never would have violated hers. The dilemma sharpened because while most people were not aware of what was going to happen, they were aware that something was to occur and they were to just watch and observe taking as many mental notes as possible. My only criticism is that doesn’t that remove the element of surprise and diminishes the entire focus for the show itself.

Once I acknowledged the preoccupation of my senses with the experience at the cafe, I felt better about the circumstances. I can’t change the events and I can’t prevent a company from researching human behavior, but I can take ownership of me. I can only hope the next situation I am faced with that calls for swiftness my hesitation is not what cost someone dearly and that was the honest cost of yesterday’s research and quest for ratings.

The next time a company wants to research the collective capabilities of the human mind, I suggest they use any other form for stimuli as apposed to placing someone within harms way for the sole fact to garner ratings for television…human life is worth so much more than ratings.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Interesting Events Happened Today

Iteresting Events Happened Today

4^th of November 2007

Interesting Events Happened Today

As if my weekend hasn't been one of the most interesting that I've had in the past seven years, I am perplexed with the events of today and why I feel so odd about them.

Today was such a beautiful day with temperatures in the mid seventies (Fahrenheit, about seventeen to eighteen degrees Celsius) with a clean sunny clear blue sky and a light breeze keeping just that chill in the air to remind us that winter finally is arriving. I was awaken by my puppy around 8:30 AM as usual for every Sunday morning and I got up rejoicing in the silence by completing a blog about the horrible Phelps family and the Westboro Baptist Church. I look up from my computer screens to see I am already late to meet some friend's downtown to watch a double header softball game where one friend is playing and several others are rooted the team on.

I got to the field very late, but watched the remainder of the game and dispensing my farewells to my friends as I walked around the sparsely populated park. The day was such a beautiful day and the walk was relaxing as my mind wondered over the news that a publishing house wants to publish my book. It was so peaceful as I was refusing to make my way back home for fear that reality might step back in to my life and change the past few days events, so I continued walking the park taking in the sculpted bodies of the running men by thinking what a glorious weekend this has been.

I sat in the park relaxing and having a wonderful time when a friend – David walked up and greeted me with a smile. We walked around the park and changed our direction towards the book store to meet his friend Dwayne and they were going to get a byte to eat. I tagged along, not really hungry, but not wanting to leave their good company, so we walked down to two café's just on the edge of the park so that we could enjoy a panini sandwich.

I flirted with the waiter who sat us outside in the glorious sun inside a fenced-in outdoor seating area. There was no rush to the day or to our order as everyone was enjoying themselves and the people flowing in and out of the two outdoor sitting areas were all chatting with friends and family. If you haven't already realized from my many blogs, I notice absolutely everything and especially every good looking guy. As we were finishing our food chatting about many things and yet nothing important at all, I watched as a very handsome man casually walked up towards the fenced in area, but staying on the other side.

I was sitting back in my chair as I noticed him as he appeared to be waiting for someone with his stunning features almost like a Nordic to German type man pacing about. He stood around 5'9" to maybe 5'10" tall with a slender build; maybe 145 to 155 pounds. He wore dark jean with a light top and a ski-type hat on his head. He had longer hair that was sandy-blond with sun high-lights on the ends of his hair that stuck outside his hat around the bottom-back side and just above his eyes. His eyes were medium sunken in and were a color more like blue to a lighter color, but I couldn't really see them clearly enough as he continued pacing and moving about. He was positioned in the area a good five minutes and as I watched him I noticed just how agitated he seemed, but it was a controlled restlessness.

We were talking and instantly I hear the lady closest to the fence scream as peripherally I see the pacing guy take off running with a dark colored purse within his grasp. It seemed to happen slowly at this point because I had my knife between my fingers and I dropped it slid my chair back and spun around the corner to my right, side-stepping the dog that laid at the entrance of the fenced-in area and I started running at great hast to stop the purse snatcher. There was a large van parked in the very end spot that blocked my vision as I turned that corner, but as I sprinted to the end of the parking lot I was scanning across the street and up the street for my handsome thief when I see an Atlanta Police officer walking towards me from up the street by a few paces. As the officer approached me I started to break my stride because I couldn't find the purse snatcher when I heard the man tell me "it's OK…don't worry…this was all staged". I turned in an instant more out of instinct still looking for my adorable thief when I see him inside the van laughing as another Atlanta Police officer closes the door to the van.

What was just told to me starts to sink in as the other officer is chuckling a little and it suddenly hits me what a fool I've been. I walk back to my friends as I see a camera man and several people walking amongst the guest inside the eating areas asking people if they witnessed anything and asking for details of what they witnessed. My feeling was one that perplexed me as much as anything I've experienced lately and I don't understand why I feel so bad about what these circumstances. I didn't enter inside the fenced-in area or sit back down at my table, I just stood several feet away outside the fence watching a lady walk directly out of the doors of the café and over to the table where I had been sitting. I heard her ask David and Dwayne if they witnessed anything and ask them to complete an agreement allowing them to be interviewed. She was searching for me as I took another step back away from them to remove myself from her focus. She is looking for me when she turns around and directly engages me asking me to sign a release form and I calmly decline. She insist and I tell her that it would not behoove me to either be interviewed or cause them any trouble, but that I will not participate in this charade any further.

The lady gave me a very quizzical look and seemed to be offended by my comments to her when she abruptly turned and continued interviewing David and Dwayne. I took two steps backwards towards a tree as the police officer who told me it was OK was standing a few steps away from me. He ask quietly as he stepped towards me if I was an off-duty officer or militarily trained and I never even looked at him as I responded No, just a concerned citizen as I continued to watch my friends having their pictures taken and more questions asked of them. The officer paused for a moment when he said, the guy didn't stand a chance against me and I looked at him as he tilted his head to me and walked away.

I felt proud if only for an instant, but curiously enough the feeling faded quickly as again I felt almost betrayed for some reason and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I understand all too clearly what the interviewers were after because I've written about it both in the preface to my book and in two blogs. They want to recode who witnessed what and show how everybody will have a completely different recollection to the events that transpired. As I've written in the past, it has to do with us being humans and each one of us being different. We have different life forces and different events that shaped who we are. Because of our experiences and our past, we collect facts differently than the person next to us. Complicating matters even more, we use different parts of our brains and that comes back to who has what talents. Some of us use our left brain while others use our right brains. No matter, it makes for a difference in how we store current events and how we recall those same set of events.

I appreciate what they're doing; however, it still has not made me feel better about the events as they happened. I can't explain why I felt so let down because I don't really understand it myself. I had hoped my feelings would pass because neither they nor I did anything to warrant shame. So why do I feel as I do? Why can't I just let it pass for what it was a testament to our humanity and that which makes us different. I understand it completely and yet, I still feel somehow I was duped in some way.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

The Most Amazing News for ME!!!

3^rd of November 2007

Hello My Readers,

Many of you read my blogs and have commented directly on this site and other sites about the experiences of my life that I've written about. The support you provided me has spurred me to press forward with something that was once laughable and then turned in to a possible dream.

As many of you know seven years ago I left Montreal and left the love of my life...my soul mate. Ian aloud our relationship to wither and die for some inexplicable reason while I was helpless to save its ravaged form. It takes two to share love but only one for a relationship to survive and Ian gave up on himself and on us. I struggled for more than eighteen months feeling each and every day like I was submerged beneath the surface of water drowning. Unable to catch my breath and with no way to salvage our relationship I continued descending to the murky depths or darkness and depression.

It took me four years to overcome the thoughts of Ian or wish him next to me and one of the ways I accomplished that amazing feet on my own was to start writing about him. I wrote about my anger and the eighty-six thousand dollars he owes me. I wrote about how I missed touching is beautiful skin and sculpted features. I was tortured by his lingering French accent and the eyes that once made me feel safe, warm and loved. I wrote of how we met and how for the first time in my life I understood how amazing love should always be. I also wrote in great details with the descriptions of a blind painter how we met, how we fell in love and how we ignited passion with fires of lust and the most amazing sex two people could ever share.

I wrote all of my feelings in to this manuscript without any order or conscience decision to organize my thoughts. Without ever thinking of what I was doing, I wrote this wondrous manuscript that many friends have read and prompted me to publish. You must understand that it was writing this book and the first women who read this book and pressed me to publish it. Dale's voice in my head gave birth to me thinking that my writing may be helpful to some people and was the precipitous to my blogging. I never was able to write before this experience. My book (Love, Honor & Respect) is really good and extremely descriptive and brings you into our world as if you are walking with us each step of the way. I still can't read it without correcting this or that. I can't open those pages without getting excited when I read of our first sexual encounters or cry every page when he rips my heart out with dishonesty and the loss of such great love.

I received a phone call yesterday with the most amazing news that I have wanted so dearly for so long; my manuscript is being published. My dreams of publishing that book that holds so many personal details about my life, my love and the darkest moments of my life is going to be for sale in a matter of months. I am elated beyond all belief. I know one thing that I want to do and that is to Thank You. Thank each and every one of you for your support of my writing and to thank you for telling me how my experiences have helped you. I love that I hear from so many people how the events from my life can help any one person. The love that so many of you have shown has pushed me to want to publish this book. I am dearly grateful and I hope that once my first book is published that each of you enjoy the parts of my life within its pages.

Deeply grateful,

Todd M. Dobson

Response to Jupiter King's Blog: What the Word of God Says about Homosexuality

29^th October 2007

Response to Jupiter King’s Blog:

What the Word of God Says About Homosexuality

I read Mr. Jupiter’s blog and respectfully responded to him. My comments were shown on his blog, but he later removed my comments. I can only surmise why but he replaced my words with two comments of his own that were both written in great hast and as you read them with anger. Please read Mr. Jupiter’s Blog and both of my comments to him are as follows:

http://www.socyberty.com/Gay-&-Lesbians/What-the-Word-of-God-Says-About-Homosexuality.54341#comments

Hello Jupiter,

I love a good exchange between multiple intellectual minds, so I hope yours is open to understanding some thing you have not accounted for in your blog. While your opinion is not uncommon in people, most have had little exposure to the subject at hand or little research in to the matter.

I hope I am able to shed some light onto the subject matter for you. The portion of the bible you reference (Old & New Testament) details many things, yet at no time does the bible overtly oppose homosexuality. I can take you to each verse in the bible that is claimed to speak negatively about homosexuality and explain how each and every one has been taken out of context or misconstrued to reference a slanted point of view; you might want to know that many noted theologians (gay and straight) agree with my comments that the bible itself does not speak disparagingly against homosexuality. You might also find it amusing that many of the very passages you highlight in your bible as denouncing homosexuality were also used by religious leaders against blacks and against women. There is nothing uniquely talented about taking a small number of words and turning them to be used as a club against a group one wishes to suppress, fanatical Christians and Muslims have been doing it for centuries and the talent is only in finding weaker minded people who do not wish to think for themselves and decide if what they are told is accurate or not.

As for what you’re gay friends may say, I can’t answer for them; but I can ask, when did you acknowledge that you chose to be heterosexual? It is an important question because all of my friends and family that are straight say they can never recall a day or time when they actually made that as a choice. Likewise, I can’t tell you when I made my choice to be gay. I can tell you when I accepted that which made me different from everyone else, but there was never a day I chose to be gay. If it is a choice as you explain, why would I choose to be different from everyone I love and who loves me. Why would I choose to go against how I was raised? Why would I choose to defy the way society taught me was normal? Why would I choose a life that segregates me and where I don’t have even the same basic rights and privileges as all other people do? Why would I choose to be so different from all other people around me? Why if I chose to be gay would I want to remain this way if as so many straight people claim, most homosexuals are unhappy being gay?

Most unhappy gay people are that way because they are not accepted or understood by their straight counterparts. Narrow-minded people would rather spread hate because it is what everyone was lead to believe as normal, instead of honoring the diversity of humanity, instead of loving all people for who they are and not what you think I need to be, and instead of respecting our differences because they are OK. Back to your assertions that it is a choice of living a moral life or an immoral one…who is closer to GOD – the man who Loves, Honors & Respects his fellow human beings and strives to make their lives better, no matter what differences are present; or the man who holds up a holy book and claims superiority over anyone for any reason and can find words in that book to argue his point. Think about your answer, because it was Jesus who said the followers would be the last to enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Think about your response and I can be reached at Todd@fdlservices.com

Thank you for this exchange of words and I look forward to hearing from you.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Now I found my comments to be respectful while asking for some understanding in his beliefs. It is hard to change the position one has claimed their entire life is the right position, even in the face of proven facts that might show otherwise. Some people are unable to admit they themselves could be wrong and others actually hold on to that small part of them that garners piety based on suppressing someone as beneath themselves.

I am not saying that Mr. Jupiter fits any of these categories; however, I found it remarkable that Mr. Jupiter removed my comments and replaced them with those of his view point only. I have other blogs that have comments from people who challenge my stance and challenge my faith. I find them rewarding and thought provoking and I read them earnestly hoping that if I missed something in my thought process before I might learn something now. We can learn from everybody, we just have to open our minds to the process.

Please make sure to read both of Mr. Jupiter’s comments and here is my response that I posted to his blog, however Mr. Jupiter is refusing to publish it. That too might make you think, what he has to hide that he is unable to hear an apposing point of view and not receive it well. That does not mean he agrees with it, just that its presences does not challenge his own.

Hello Jupiter,

I love how when critical thought is demanded, the common mind ignites anger as its first line of defense instead of calm, rational review of apposing thoughts.

So let us talk about the Bible – New Testament and your many passages that you listed in your comment. You listed them in a secondary response only after removing my acknowledgment that they do exist, but caught my attention in a vociferate manner was that the words you typed were more out of anger and vengeance then out of understanding or acceptance. It is an assumed knowledge and not a factual one. So Mr. Jupiter you have answered my first question in my first comment, which states that I like a good exchange of minds. I am gay and I could get angry with you’re original blog, but I respect your opinion and always like people to discuss why they hold an opinion that differs from my own. I had hoped at some point in our conversations you may either teach me something I did not know and thereby sway my position to your view, or perhaps I may be able to do so with you. Based on your responses filled of spite (the words you select and the manner they are placed within the text), it tells me that a polite exchange of view points is not going to occur between us. I can accept that honorably and if you wish to carry our discussion further, please feel free to email me (todd@fdlservices.com), I will respectfully respond as I always do.

Let us discuss the New Testament as you reference it in your blog and comments. The New Testament was dedicated to the Life of Jesus Christ as witnessed by his closest Apostles. Matthew, being one of the Apostles and being closer to the Son of God than others might have been during Jesus’ life; we really can’t know because we were not there. As with every witness’s view of any set of events, that person sees, hears, touches, taste and feels different from each and every person who witnessed the same events at the same time. What I am speaking about derives from their life experiences, their set of beliefs and their perspectives on any subject that might bend those events in one direction or another. Because no two people are alike, is why no two personal views or recollections of events will ever be the same. It is precisely why a police officer asking witnesses to an accident for their recount of the events they witnessed will never be exactly the same. That is why Matthew gives us one view of each part of Christ’s events and those same events are recounted differently by the other Apostles.

So what about the many other Apostles who wrote and submitted their accounts of Jesus’ Life and their texts were denied entry in to the Bible by the Council of Nicea? What became of their accounts of this man’s life? Did they lie or fabricate what they witnessed or perhaps did a governing body pick and choose what of Jesus’ life they wanted to have listed as reference able material?

And what are we to believe of Matthew himself? This was the first voice to question the actions of Jesus based on everybody’s account. Each and every time he questioned the Load, Jesus showed him that his way was through LOVE and ACCEPTANCE, not JUDGMENT. Jesus said this and showed this in every event that was recounted and by everyone who wrote of this man’s life, so why do we start to question what the New Testament was all about?

To complicate matters even more, if Jesus Christ was against homosexuality, as you might want everyone to believe, please explain to me why he saved the life of a young slave boy of the Centurion. As recounted in Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10 Jesus healed the Centurion’s Servant boy even knowing that the Centurion first offered his life in order for Jesus to save the boy claiming the boy was his own. He then acknowledged to Christ our Load, the boy was his beloved servant and in the times that absolutely meant sexual companion. So, please explain to me why if Jesus was so against homosexuality would he save the life of a sexual servant to a high-ranking Greek Soldier?

In the New Testament as you originally reference speaks mostly of the times social disapproval and the Jewish feeling that that homosexuality was unclean. These are common beliefs that do not amount to facts, but opinions just like your own. There was nothing more and absolutely nothing less to it. I can site chapter and verse of every instance the bible says anything that has been turned (by man of today) and used to show how homosexuality is wrong: Leviticus, Romans, 1 Corinthians, 1 Timothy and some you might not know about. Each and every one of them has been discounted by theologians from around the world. These are men and women who have spent life times researching the bible, Jesus and GOD, so if they say that there is nothing in the bible that directly says homosexuality is wrong after spending their lives to know all that can be known outside of being present during the times, why can’t someone like you read the greatest book in our lives and use it for what it was meant to be; a reference guide by which to strive to live your life.

It is only a book, written by men, edited by men, translated by men and organized by men. The first thing GOD told us was that men are fallible, so why are we to assume the men who wrote the words in this great book were not, when Jesus himself said He Was A Fallible MAN?

Again I offer my words as just one argument that might be right and might be wrong. I would rather respect you for your view point and think to myself that it might be right and be able to wait until my judgment day to find out; but I have yet to judge you for your view point as you have done me for mine. Again I would ask you, who do you think is closer to GOD?

I hope my words find you happy, healthy and filled with LOVE.

Your humble servant – Todd M. Dobson

Is It The Journey or the Destination

28^th of October 2007

Is It The Journey or the Destination?

If you have read any of my previous blogs, you know that I have been through many life challenges and yet my mind set has always been that I am truly blessed. Yes, I believe that I have guardian’s who watch over me and based on their guidance I am very blessed.

That may sound odd as you read about my many challenges, but it is my firm belief none the less. Over the past four weeks my mind has been in over-load and it has been difficult to turn down the background noise as it spins out of control. You see I’ve written about taking two long years to find a good job and after one year with the employer from hell, I found that job doing what I like to do with people I really enjoy working with. So, how can I have anxiety over my new job?

As I’ve written in the past, when you grow up in an abusive environment where the common words are not positive, but rather tears you apart as an individual. I said that correctly, the voice I heard daily said I wasn’t shit and would never amount to anything. I was dumb, I was stupid and I was nothing but a lazy, good for nothing piece of shit. I cold never do anything right and as long as I was not my older brother; I would never amount to anything.

I still hear those voices when ever anything starts to go in a positive direction for me, and those voices become pronounced as I step towards a positive direction. It never fails to surprise me when I first don’t understand the anxiety I feel or when the voices chatter out of control and I become agitated and bothered by their loud, uncontrollable noise filling my head. By the age of forty years old, you might think the rise in these voices might trigger a happy pleasure sensation because it should be a sign for me that I am in the midst of something really good. Unfortunately, it takes a little separation from ones self to make that conclusion and until that happens, the anxiety can run a person ragged.

The anxieties I suffer are common for adults of abused children, but they never become less difficult to deal with as time passes. Over the past four weeks, I’ve climbed deeper into my new position and I’ve grown to love the people and the job; but as I’ve excelled in my position, the voices have become uncontrollable. I started doubting myself in that very position and doubting the people who have done nothing but show their support. Second guessing the job I’m doing and their reaction to my work. Not one person has indicated anything negative with my performance and all the while I have made mistakes, none seem to cause anything close to the level of noise rampantly chattering inside my head.

It took me getting sick last week with a nasty sinus infection that caused an existing tooth infection to go overboard shutting me down for a couple of days in order for me to regain control over my anxieties. It took me thinking I was about to be fired at that same job that I love with people that have never once indicated anything but support, while in my head over the past four weeks, I’ve been seeing and hearing how I was going to be fired at any moment and for any reason. They were just waiting for the right moment was all I kept telling myself. Anxieties such as these can and often do become self fulfilling prophecies and that just feeds the fires for the next time they become uncontrollable.

As I stayed at home last night waxing philosophical and pondering life’s challenges did a life long challenge became an answer I could firmly believe in…it isn’t the destination, but rather it is the journey that makes us better people. My entire life I have always gone out of my way to become a better person. Better than my childhood indicated, and far better than anyone ever gave me credit to accomplish. I have tried with every year of my life to always remember what I had was truly a blessing and millions would kill to swap places with me. For every breath I take I feel honored that I have it to take and never ever take any of my life for granted. So it is harsh when those voices push me in the opposite direction and I allow them too because for that day, that moment I am weaker than I should be.

That is what unfolded for me this past week and how the realization that my destination, here in Atlanta Georgia is only where I need to be right now and everything is telling me that daily. That destination currently holds the right job with support by good people challenging me to grow and learn and sharpen my skills for them and for me. Over the past few years I have fought many demons and come to terms with so much to reclaim the person I once was. But what I’ve found isn’t the person I once was, it is someone who is better than I could have ever been.

That is how I found that the journey I’ve been on for the past seven years, which I once thought took a good life away and replaced it with one mistake after another. I suddenly realized how I ever created that first life to begin with: it was forged by mistake after mistake; challenge after challenge until I found what worked…that was my first journey. Now I am in the midst of a journey that has depths I could never have imagined, but I finally see the heights are outside the scope of my view and that is amazingly wonderful. Yes my mistakes have been many and very troublesome, but that is what makes the journey…not the destination as profound and meaningful. My place is right here in Atlanta Georgia and the time is right now. My journey is underway with no destination in front of me. I am controlling those voices for the second time in my life and good things are happening to me once again.

I am right here in the moment and enjoying now. I’m not wallowing in the past and I know my future is going to be OK no matter what happens. It is all about the journey we are on and it has nothing to do with the destination.

by: Todd M. Dobson

Gay Pride: What Does It Really Mean

1^st of October 2007

GAY PRIDE – What Does It Really Mean

When I first acknowledged to myself that I was a gay man, almost an eternity ago, I felt none of the gay people depicted on the news or I read about in the papers represented me as a gay man. So when friends asked if I would join in the local Gay Pride celebration, I declined for that very reason.

The only gay people I grew up knowing were two very effeminate men that lived in completely different parts of the small town I grew up in. The impression of being gay that was indelible left upon me was not what I saw for my life. I recognized the same stereotypes that everybody else saw and assumed all gay men were like; and the homophobia that was overtly present in all straight people, permeated through my thoughts as well. I witnessed other kids and their parents talking about those two gay men with their effeminate mannerisms as thought they were the scourge of the planet using words of disgust, vile and in a manner of total revulsion. The sad fact of the matter was that I agreed with them at my young age and on occasion I am saddened to say I would join in the conversations. There are many gay men and lesbian women who fault their own kind by stereotyping the very people who were the face of our community.

It was sad when the only other picture of gay life that I knew about was what the news media showed as the typical gay man in his leather costume. An over-compensating butch man exposing himself while being surrounded by his leather gear only to be over acted by the extremely nelly drag queens who dressed in women’s clothing and pranced around also exposing themselves for humanity’s sake. I thought then as many people think today - none of these homosexuals represent me. I convinced myself that I was not like any of them because I don’t want to dress in women’s clothing, or in leather gear or expose my genitals to the world just for the sake of doing it. I told myself then that there is much more to me than just being a gay man.

When you’re fourteen years old, you can’t image how the twist and turns of life will mold you as a person, much less how dramatically life can change the mind as you mature. I never considered myself homophobic, because I was a gay man and therefore gay men could not be homophobic. I also never considered who I might be hurting by repeating my horrible words that “Gay Pride did not represent who I was as a person”. I would even justify my homophobia by explaining that I was so much more than whom I had sex with. Now, if that doesn’t just sound like the sound blob written by the Christian Coalition, I don’t know how I could have been any more filled with hate.

It is horrible to believe that gay and lesbian people can themselves be homophobic to their own kind. Now, before you rip my head off, there are varying degrees of hate. You can be a little phobic, but tolerant for the most part. You can see this in heterosexual people all the time. A co-worker who knows you’re gay and responds with no big deal, lets say in a positive manner and expressing acceptance. It doesn’t seem to bother them at first, but later you get this feeling that they have purposely distanced themselves from you. This sense grows more prevalent as it continues to happen, but you’re not able to really point to any one thing that proves this nagging sensation. You let things pass knowing that they will only persist, not diminish as time continues to pass. It is like a irritation that you know exist, but can’t for the life of you place your finger on exactly what could be wrong. Over time you find more and more distance separating you and that co-worker and as more time passes you sense the issue really is a latent homophobia.

Another case in point is true of many families of gays or lesbians. The family says they accept you for who you are, however, your homosexuality is not spoken about and neither is anyone you date or love. They may accept you and discuss parts of your life, but your lover is not welcomed in their home or must sleep in a separate room. They may even go as far as accepting you and your spouse in to their home, discussing your lives; but supporting gay issues such as gay marriage…no that is out of the question. In almost all cases even the most accepting families feel it is a choice you made and while they don’t understand why you would ever make that choice, they accept that you did in their minds and that to them is acceptance. As I was telling you earlier, there are varying degrees of hate and acceptance.

These same things happen within the gay community amongst our own people. You hear it all the time by gays who say they don’t care about gay marriage and refuse to fight for equal rights. They may never want to marry another person; however, it is their own dark hearts, filled with hate that immobilizes them from a fight for equal rights. They themselves are gay, so how can they not want or see that each and every person in the United States of America should be treated exactly the same.

We have our own clashes between gay sub-groups that individually want to assert their rights to their own existence. If we don’t have enough hate emanating around us, we have it consuming us from within. Before you get angry at me for point it out and before you respond to the hate within our own kind, we must understand where this hate originates. Thousand’s of years of oppression have changed the way the world once thought. Many centuries of hate and oppression made people forget what it was to love and accept everyone as they were and without prejudice. They were taught over the years how to hate and who to hate and homosexuality has been at the top of that list for thousands of years.

Bring that down to our own lives today and we were brought into this world loving and accepting, but we learned how to hate anything or anyone gay. The news media, our family and friends did not know how to handle anything different and they were thought homosexuality was wrong. It was un-natural and un-clean. Being gay was against nature and above all it was against GOD. How any of us could ever stand a chance at being a whole person when for our entire early years we were inundated with the messages of hate. It is why coming to terms with our own sexuality can be such an arduous task for each one of us. It is also why those of our very own can show tendencies of hate against others within our own communities. Hate and acceptance are two entirely different opposing aspects and a person can accept themselves without accepting all who share their fate. It is a harsh reality, but one that is rooted within our own humanity none the less.

The pictures I paint with my words can be a harsh view to accept; but I am over run with optimism that each one of us can make a difference. That view doesn’t have to happen to us or right now. We have everything that we need to change it and it starts within ourselves and then within our own communities. We must denounce hate of all kinds. We must love and accept ourselves as individual people, but also love and accept our community for its own diversity. The gym rats, the nelly boys, the drag queens, the leather guys, the bull dikes, the lipstick lesbians and all homosexual people must open their hearts and know the road they share is with all of the people surrounding them…even if they aren’t of their own kind.

I can stand on my soap box and pontificate to all sides touting the obvious that we have so many people who hate and loath all homosexuals that it is futile not to love ourselves no matter the subcultures that divide our community. A unified group makes it more difficult for all others to segregate and concur. If we continue fighting within our own population instead of honoring our similarities; how can we ever expect the heterosexual world to ever love and accept us as a unified group?

These are the easy comments that everyone knows, but look at my 2007 pictures of Atlanta Gay Pride and see the diversity within our community (Myspace Pictures: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=95276627&albumId=1236125 ). Notice the diversity as you see men, women and children all around. There were people of all ages and all backgrounds, all nationality, all colors and it was amazing to witness. The people on the floats were scantily clothed as you normally see on the media and in the news papers. You saw the leather guys, dykes on bikes, guys in dresses, girls that looked like boys; but then, there were beautiful women who could pass as female models and sculpted men like they stepped out of the pages of GQ magazine, couples with their children and thousands that looked just like you and me. Everyone was beautiful to witness and our differences showed as brightly as the colors making the rainbow that represents our oppression. The greatest effects of PRIDE in any city are the people who come together supporting each other in front of the rest of the world. I saw so many people and talked with countless men and women of all ages from every walk of life. The thing I couldn’t get beyond was how many couples openly displaying the love they shared together without inhibition. It didn’t matter what sub-group they claimed; love was the central focus for Gay Pride in Atlanta and it was an amazing picture for all to view.

Love and support are the reasons that every gay man, woman and child need to experience Gay Pride somewhere…so you know that you are not alone in this world or within our own diverse community. The scared fourteen year old boy trying to come to terms with my own homosexuality could have used the support Gay Pride has been providing millions since the sixties and I am sorry it took me so many years to learn that message of hope.

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As for The David Magazine (a local Atlanta Gay/Lesbian Magazine that is published weekly): and the gay individuals who write every week in the Bitch Session section of the magazine. You more than anyone need to heed my message. While you complain weekly about people from outside your individual sub-group, remember, that each person may be the next victim of a gay bashing or hate crime. You may be the next one receiving hate as it drips from the lips or the fingertips of a homophobic person expressing their loath and disgust for gay America. We can prevent hate crimes by showing the city and the world that the gay community is a unified and caring group who supports each and every member within our population. Love is stronger than hate could ever hope to be, but hate is always easy. Don’t be the person spreading hate within our community. Be brave enough to stand up for all within our populace and accept even those you were thought to hate.

by: Todd M. Dobson

True Gifts Come From Within

02 March 2007

Why do Bad People always receive Rewards

I’ve been through enough in my life to have come across some really bad people. They don’t shock me like they use too, but its funny from whence they come. What makes me stop and think recently is Why Do the Bad People Always Receive the Rewards and the truly good people seem to be trampled?

I won’t bore you with my entire past, because I could really show too many less than good people, but lately, I keep asking when will my suffering stop. There have been people from my past who were truly ugly people. I don’t mean ugly in the since of physical beauty, but rather that their interactions with me were so dark that it kills the flowers from their vines and the light is suffocated out of existence.

One such person was David, who I worked with at the young age of twenty years old. David hated me because I was a young kid who worked hard and received the opportunities he felt he should have received. I shined for the first time in my life and the Director took a personal interest in my development. I was moving up the corporate ladder in a Marriott company while David didn’t like that I made his title and position within a year of being with the company. David has been struggling to get ahead for more than five years without gaining any traction. He suffered with a cocaine addiction that threatened more than his job at times. On one occasion he told me that he had already decided that my death would not be worth the cost of the blow it would take to get rid of me. To this day I know he was serious about his comments, which alarmed me with how easy he could consider killing another soul for something like a job.

It made me think for the first time in my life as I realized he was considering my life to have so little value that he considered it wasting cocaine to use it in my demise. David thought so little of the life and soul within me that getting rid of his competition or problem by killing me would somehow enrich his life. All of this over a job!

Then we have to talk about my current boss. Jorge is the CIO of Taylor, Bean & Whitaker Mortgage Corporation and he got upset when the owner (Lee) asked him to find a position in the IT team for me. I also think he was offended at having to hire a gay man because while the owner of TBW is gay, Jorge has surrounded himself by a very heterosexual team of people. That is a very difficult thought to prove because Lee is gay and has a very close relationship with Jorge. Jorge has such an ego that it interferes with many aspects of running the IT department at TBW. For instance no one can hold a title anywhere close to his own. The man who has been managing the infrastructure, Cecil, has had the title of Technician III, not Manager, however designed a vast and complex infrastructure that supports an intricate environment.

Lee hired a new person without Jorge’s knowledge at the beheadst of an outside consultant who identified a series of problems plaguing the TBW IT Team. While Wayne has the title in the HR Department as Vice President; he is only aloud to use the title of IT Manager as to stay offending Jorge. Why does one person’s ego force everyone else away?

Jorge would not be bad if he only had an ego, but that is just the start. He placed me in a dead end job, making no money and with no capabilities to prove myself. I have almost twenty years experience and I am a gifted project manager. I am also a great IT manager/director, but I was denied every opportunity to prove my value or worth and my attempts to identify issues and suggest solutions only furthered my isolation. I am the laughing stock and the joke of the TBW IT department and then someone finally had the nerve to ask the question based on a rumor that Jorge himself was spreading; did you really get your job by sleeping with Lee? I asked who would even indicate such a thing and I was told by several people, Jorge. That he openly made such statements on a number of occasions to everyone in the IT team. Nothing could have been further from the truth, but the truth was not what anyone wants to hear when the person controlling so many is depraved, sick and twisted.

I recently found out that Jorge has set it up so that anyone calling for a reference to TBW about me has to get their reference from him. He is directly black balling me. My fault was to ask my roommate if he could ask his good friend Lee, who has a nation-wide mortgage company, if they could put me to work doing anything. Jorge has me so locked down that my only way is out and he even went as far as to indicate that very sentiment to me. For more than a year, I’ve been trying to get out, but he has taken care of several really good opportunities with bad references.

How can so few people impact a life so negatively and why would they want too? I just want another job and I want to give him exactly what he wants, which is for me to leave TBW. I don’t care where I go or if it even strengthens my career at the present time, it could be doing almost anything in IT industry, I just want away from the depravation of this company. I’m tired of working hard and being a good and honest person only to be shit on by those around me who take their queues from a bad people. The Jorge’s in this world seem to have all the good opportunities, the right positions and the ability to kill what dreams we may have for ourselves. So why continue the fight when there is no chance to win? Why play the game? Why deal with a living hell shadowed by nothing but gloom and darkness?

10/05/2007

I wrote this distressing piece, but never posted in to any of my bloggs. In the time that has past since writing it, I found a good job surrounded by positive people. The people are the reason the change has been so rewarding and the reason I have excelled in a short period of time. It is odd and shocking how the people around you can so negatively or so positively change your life. What a positive change can happen when people other than yourself believe in you and your abilities or just give you the opportunities to prove your value and capabilities.

I took a project management position with a company called Silverpop. They are a very energetic company that moves at a fast pace. My bosses, Waylon and Garrett, are both positive and challenging. I find myself both eager to learn the immensely complicated products that are extremely well designed inside our doors with extremely gifted professionals in every division of the company. Working with such gifted people is such a joy that challenges a person in all the best possible ways. The curve to learn that which I don’t already know has pushed me forward making me a better professional and teaching me skills I did not already posses. My immediate boss (Waylon) has guided me through the doors of a very complicated position and I find myself striving to improve and sharpen skills just to make sure I can please him and make his superiors grateful for his role within their ranks. It is not lost on me how sharp the contrast between my current role and my previous hell. Silverpop has everything I was struggling to find for so long and removed me from the existence of a living hell.

There are good people in the world just like the bad ones. I’ve met my share of bad people like Mike and Jorge, but I have also been influenced by some truly gifted and amazing people as well. People like the Director at Marriott who saw something in a twenty year old boy struggling to make a man out of himself. Ellen Freeman is a great friend and powerful Media Powerhouse who not only created a mega-powerful career in a man’s industry, but made her voice the only one the industry listened too. Influences personally and professionally from as close as my first boyfriend; Rick Mickool, who has become such an industry leader that his ideals are sought after and his opinions listened too while his next steps are regarded as trend setting and cutting edge. There are many other wonderful souls who have touched my life and when I originally wrote this blogg I could not see their influence struggling to surface in hopes of changing the direction I once headed.

I know how negative adulation and perspective are hideous reminders of our current situations and can paint a dark picture. It is hard to see the sun light when you are surrounded by dark clouds blocking it from shinning through. I have to say that I was closely arriving at the point when this was first written where my world could not see those rays of light shinning through the clouds that enveloped me. Self loathing and hate were all I could see because they were the last gifts given to me by someone who impacted my life for far too many years. He and all of his ghosts have left my life and the sun has cleared the skies once again. I am happy and can see people like Jorge for what they truly are…a pebble in my shoe that needs to be removed. Once you clear all that obstructs you from the good person you already are, you become the only obstacle blocking your own path. The words I typed above were profound and remain on this page as a reminder of the steps I’ve made to move my life forward. There are positive influences, but they must first start from within you. It is as true today as it was for the seven years I walked in darkness; the sun starts to shine from within my own heart and will reflect what emanates from within me. Jorge was given power over my life by me and because of me. He is gone from influence because I rid him from my life. He is the bad person I wrote about, but only to those who allow him to be. He too will receive what he gives and that will make him a truly lonely, desperate and dark person in his own life. Let him live his life and answer for his own darkness, because I chose to live my life in the sun light and shine on all of those with whom I can positively affect.

May your own life be enriched by the rays of hope I send to you. May the warmth of my sun help spark the flames within your heart giving your life the power it needs to positively effect change! The greatest gift I can ever give you is to Love, Honor and Respect all of the people around you; but most importantly, give the same gift to yourself too!

My gift to you,

Todd M. Dobson